“Ain’t I good to you, Alayah?” he asked,stepping closer to me. “Don’t I spoil you forbeing my good girl?”
He slipped an arm around mywaist and pulled me to him. I could smell thefamiliar stench of liquor on his breath. I wanted tothrow up. He was delusional if he thought buying methings would make up for what he was doing.
“Answerme,” he demanded, his grip tightening. “Am I not goodto you?”
I fought back tears as I answered. “Yes.”
“Don’t I tell you you’re my pretty girl?”His lips fell to my neck.
“Yes.”
“I would neverhurt you. I just wanna make you feel good thesame way you make me feel good.”
He grabbed myhand and placed it on his crotch, rubbing it upand down.
“I need you to take care of thatfor me, pretty girl. Take care of me, and I’ll take care of you. Take off your clothes.”
Icouldn’t hold back the tears as I slowly backedaway from him and began to undress. This wasn’tright. I was fifteen now, and his visits to myroom had become more and more frequent. I’d longsince stopped fighting him off after he almost choked meto the point of passing out. There was nothing Icould do but take it. I had to lay therewith his weight on top of me…his sweaty skinagainst mine…his heavy breathing in my ear as heviolated me.
I wondered if he said the same nastythings to my mother that he said to me. Iwondered how he could lay up with her after violatingme time and time again. I’d watch him hug,kiss, and grope her like he loved her so much,all the while knowing what he was doing to me.I watched her serve him like he was some sortof fucking king when he was nothing but a pervertwho liked little girls.
“Rodney, please… You’re hurting me,”I begged.
I felt like I was suffocating beneath him.He was being so rough, and it was hard notto scream into the darkness surrounding us.
“It hurts!”
Hecovered my mouth. Evil eyes bore into mine as Istruggled to breathe. My hands clawed at his as myheadboard lightly tapped against the wall. Forever seemed to pass,and when he grunted, I’d never been so relievedfor him to be finished. He rolled off me, pantingheavily. I covered my face and cried silently as thebed shifted and he stood to his feet.
“Stop allthe damn crying,” he said harshly. “You might as wellget used to this, Alayah. I’m never letting yougo.”
“No…no stop,” I screamed.
I popped up in bed, and I could hear the yelling of the inmates around me, telling me to shut up. By now, everyone knew when I was having a nightmare. My screams were so loud that they woke up the whole cell block. I heard my cell door unlock, and in walked CO Judy with her flashlight.
“You good, Chambers?”
I nodded. “I’m sorry. I had a nightmare.”
She shook her head. “I thought those were getting better.”
I wiped my hands to down my face and took a deep breath. “My parole hearing is in a few hours,” I revealed.
“Ahhh.That makes sense. Honestly, I hope you get out of here, Chambers. You never deserved to be here anyway.”
She offered me a warm smile as she backed out of the room and closed the door. I pushed myself up until my back touched the wall of the cell. Pulling my knees to my chest, I wrapped my arms around them and rested my head on my knees. I looked at the pictures of my sisters. I missed them so much. They were seventeen and fifteen now and had grown into beautiful young women.
I wondered what they were like—if they were happy and healthy. Had what I’d done caused them any severe trauma? My aunt and uncle refused to tell me anything about them that might make me feel bad or trigger me. I appreciated that, but still…I just needed to know.
Maybe if I got released, I could try to repair my relationship with them. They were old enough to make decisions for themselves. Then again, Kennedy had forbidden any interaction thus far. What would stop her from continuing to do so? She had custody of them, so as far as the law was concerned, what she said goes.
I sat in that same spot until it was time to get up for morning showers. I could never go back to sleep after one of those dreams. It had been a little while since I had one. Maybe it was the fact that I would be seeing Rodney’s family today. Erica told me they were protesting my release, so they would be there.
When I first got here, I got letters from them telling me that they hated me and would never forgive me for what I did. His mother came to visit me once, and I left the visit in tears. She called me everything but a child of God and told me I was going to burn in hell.
She didn’t believe that her son was capable of such vile acts. I wouldn’t wish what he did on my worst enemy, but I prayed that another young girl would come forward and prove that I wasn’t lying. I couldn’t have been the first and only one. I just couldn’t have.
“Chambers!”
