I blushed, and it caused an even more dramatic gasp from her.
“Oh, my God! You liked it, didn’t you?”
“I…Okay, first, let me say he has a very nice body. I don’t know, Londyn. This is new to me. I’ve never had a desire for anyone. Him admitting he had a crush on me in high school, then seeing him like that…I don’t know.”
“So you’ve never been with anyone else?”
I shook my head. “No. That man ruined me before I could even think about boys like that. I kept my head down and in the books. I didn’t talk to boys. I didn’t look at them. Killian and I became friends through working on a class project. We started studying together, and it kind of just went from there. He never gave me special attention or anything like that. He was just a nice boy.”
“It’s okay to be attracted to him, love. It’s normal.”
“For you. For me it’s…it’s scary. I don’t want to be vulnerable with him. We aren’t even on that level. I mean, it’s not like he said hestilllikes me.”
“Baby, I guarantee he still likes you. Take it from me, men don’t look at you the way he does if there weren’t some sort of feelings there. I watched him watching you last night. Sure, he was engaged in conversation, but that man was always checking to see if you were comfortable.”
Had I missed that? I thought back to the tattoo parlor when his friend tried to hug me, and Killian immediately held out a hand to stop him. It was like a natural reflex for him.
“So you feel safe with him around?” Londyn asked.
I nodded. “Next to my uncle, he’s the only man I’ve ever been comfortable around.”
“That speaks volumes. Girl, that might just be your husband.”
I sat back in my chair, looking at her like she was crazy.
“Londyn, I’ve never had a boyfriend, and you’re talking about a husband. Please be for real.”
She laughed. “I am. You never know.”
“Iknow. What do I know about dating? About men? What if…what if he wants to have sex with me? I don’t know if I’m ready for that. I don’t know what to do besides just lay there.” I buried my face in my hands. “God, this is so embarrassing.”
Londyn got up from her seat and came to sit on the corner of my desk. She pulled my hands away from my face and tilted my head so my eyes would meet hers.
“There is nothing for you to be embarrassed about. Your innocence was stolen from you, Alayah. You didn’t have the same experience as most women. It’s okay to be nervous or scared to enter new territory, especially with a man. You have to learn to trust yourself, then trust yourself with him. Take your time. Build your friendship with him. If and when you’re ready for more, make that known. There’s no need to rush into anything you aren’t a hundred percent ready for.”
I sighed. She was right, and I was overthinking this. My best option was to go with the flow. She may have thought that Killian still had feelings for me, but until he actually voiced it, there was nothing else for me to do.
Chapter 16
Killian
“Uncle Killian, I’m hungry,” Ellie complained.
I peered over my laptop at the little pigtailed beauty looking at me with a pout. I was working from home today, and Ellie was out of school due to a teacher workday. Since my sister and brother in-law had to work and my parents were on a trip visiting my grandparents, I volunteered to watch my niece.
It was clear that I wasn’t going to get much work done. Ellie was an active child and required a lot of attention. Since I was childless, there was only so much to keep her busy at my house before she looked to me for entertainment. She’d stopped me three times already. The first time, she wanted to play hide-and-seek.
The game didn’t last long because baby girl was a giggler and gave herself away. The second time, she wanted me to color with her. The third time she wanted me to watch her favorite show with her. Of course, all those times, I was a sucker and gave in. Now she was hungry.
I closed my laptop and placed it on the coffee table. “What would you like to eat, baby?”
She tapped her chin as though she was thinking seriously about her answer. She gasped when it finally hit her.
“I want a cheeseburger kid’s meal.”
“All right. Go put on your shoes, and let me go grab my keys.”
“Okay!”
