She sighed as she turned to me. “What are you doing?”
“I just—”
“I don’t like small talk. I also don’t like when people feel like they are obligated to speak to me just because they see me. It’s awkward enough having people stare because they know my face.”
I shook my head. “I’m sorry. I wasn’t trying to make it awkward. I just wanted to check up on you.” I paused for a moment, carefully choosing my next words. “I’ve thought about you over the years. I wish I could have come to see you.”
“Be glad you didn’t. Prison is depressing, and visitation only reminds you that you’re not going anywhere.”
“I can only imagine. You look good.”
“Yeah, well, thank God I don’t look like what I’ve been through. Listen, Killian, I have to go.”
She started to walk away, but I stepped in front of her.
“Maybe we could catch up sometime.”
“Why? You wanna hear about my last ten years behind bars? You didn’t hear enough in the courtroom? That’s why you came, right? To spectate?”
“What? No. Erica and I work at the same firm. I didn’t even know she was your lawyer until she asked me to look over the case to help her. I had to recuse myself because I know you—”
“Correction: Youknewme. You don’t anymore. I’m not the same girl you knew in high school. I never want to be that version of myself again. Have a good day.”
She turned to walk away, and this time, I let her. I wasn’t trying to piss her off, but maybe approaching her wasn’t the best idea. We were friends once upon a time, so I thought maybe she could use a friend on the outside. Ten years was a long time to be locked down and not forge a friendship of some sort with the women she was housed with. But she wasn’t there anymore. She didn’t have to be a loner out here, but I could understand that her trust was all fucked up.
I sighed heavily as I grabbed my cart and continued my shopping. Fifteen minutes later, I met my mother at the butcher’s. She glanced over at me, and her brows furrowed.
“What’s wrong?” she asked.
“Nothing.”
“Don’t lie.”
“Ma—”
“Killian Lake.”
I sighed. “I saw Alayah just now.”
She looked around me. “Where is she?”
“Somewhere around here.”
“I’d love to see her.”
“She doesn’t want to be bothered, Ma. She was cold as ice just now.”
She gave me a sympathetic look. “Awww,baby. Don’t take it personal. She was locked away for a long time, and she has a lot of trauma. She’s adjusting. You never know what she’s dealing with in being home again. I can’t imagine it’s been easy for her.”
I nodded. “You’re right. We were friends. I just—”
“You missed your friend. I get it, baby. I know how guilty you felt when she was arrested. You internalized all of that. I know you feel like you could have done something to help her, but the reality is, you couldn’t have done a thing. You had no proof, and she didn’t accuse him until after he was dead. I know that’s hard to accept, but you couldn’t save her. Again, I don’t want that on your conscious, you understand me?”
“Yes, ma’am.”
She offered me a light smile as she cupped my face and kissed my forehead.
“You’re a good person, Killian. Don’t let anybody or any circumstance make you feel less than that.”
