Mr. West guided his wife back into her seat and held her close.
Ms. Lemon turned back to me. “You may continue.”
“Um…that was the first time. After that, he started coming into my room when my sisters were asleep and my mother was working. Sometimes he would just touch me while he touched himself. Other times, he would make me touch him. Most times, he forced himself on me. I threatened to tell, but he said he would go after my sisters next. They were just little girls…I had to protect them. So I took it. For years, I took the abuse so they wouldn’t have to.
“The night…the night I killed him, he came into my room drunk. I was tired…so tired of him doing whatever he wanted to me. I said no, and when he came at me, I grabbed a pair of scissors and stabbed him in the neck. I was terrified that he’d keep hurting me, so I kept stabbing him over and over. I just wanted him to stop. I didn’t plan to kill him; I just wanted him to stop.”
I sniffled as I finished telling my story. Repeating those details was triggering me in the worst way. My chest felt tight, and it was getting harder to breathe. I rested my hands on the table to steady myself and my breathing.
“Ms. Chambers, are you okay?” Ms. Lemon asked, her voice full of concern.
“Yes, ma’am. I just…I need a moment.”
“Get her some water.”
A few seconds later, an officer appeared with a cup of water. I thanked him before chugging the entire cup.
“You can do this,” Erica said, gently rubbing my back. “Take some deep breaths.”
I did as she stated, and after a minute or so, my breathing returned to normal. I stood upright and faced the parole board again.
“I apologize.”
Ms. Lemon nodded. “How do you feel about your actions now, Ms. Chambers?”
I paused. “Would you like me to be honest?”
“Please.”
“I am sorry that I had to take a life in order to protect myself and my sisters, but I do not regret it. I wasn’t safe in my own home. My mother didn’t protect me. My life was in danger, and if I hadn’t protected myself, I was going to continue to be abused or die fighting him off. I will never apologize for protecting two innocent little girls and choosing to live, even if it meant having my freedom taken.”
Ms. Lemon looked at the others, then back at me. “So, you accept full responsibility for your actions?”
“Yes, ma’am.”
“How have you spent your time while incarcerated?”
“I read as often as I can, and I journal. I was able to earn my GED and my cosmetology license. It’s not something I ever dreamed of doing, but many of the women in my cellblock came to me to do their hair for visits or birthday and holidays. They just wanted to feel beautiful in spite of their circumstances. I’m glad I was able to help them with that.”
Ms. Lemon smiled softly. “According to your records, you have been a model inmate—not a single infraction in ten years. How did you manage that?”
I smiled softly. “My cellmate became a motherly figure. She looked out for me and told me how to survive my time. She protected me.” I looked behind me at my aunt and uncle. “Then there is my Aunt Penny and Uncle Clive. They constantly prayed for me and showed me love from the outside. They are all I have in this world since my mother has cut me off from my sisters.”
Ms. Lemon nodded. She and the other board members took turns asking me various questions such as how my thinking had changed since committing the crime, what was planned if released, where I would live and work, and how I would manage potential triggers or high-risk situations. Erica had briefed me on the types of questions they would ask, and I tried not to make it sound like my answers were rehearsed.
“Two final questions, Ms. Chambers,” Ms. Lemon said. “First, how do you think your crime impacted the victim’s family?”
I looked over at Rodney’s family. “I know they hate me—I’ve been told such to my face. I can imagine they miss him and still grieve for him, but I grieve for what I lost because of him, too.”
“Why do you think you should be granted parole at this time?”
“Honestly, Ms. Lemon, I don’t have much hope in being granted parole, but I would like to go home before I’m forty-seven years old. I did a horrible thing in the heat of the moment, but a horrible thing was done to me for much longer. I fully realize that I committed a crime, but I was a victim. No one could save me, so I had to save myself. Ten years in prison is nothing compared to the hell I lived in that house. I just want a chance to live and be completely free.”
Ms. Lemon nodded. She spoke briefly with the board members before turning back to me.
“Thank you, Ms. Chambers. You may be seated.”
“Thank you.”
