“I just… I haven’t even had to think about anything like this in so long.” Hayley slumped back in her chair. “I… As infuriatingas she can be, when things are going well between us, I like it. I want to see where it could go. But I am also terrified of that because of… because of who I am. How I am.”
“Well, Boss Lady, I think you are jumping the gun. Chill out!” Mirenda sat back with a reassuring smile on her face. “Enjoy what you got while you got it. Don’t get ahead of things. Live in the now, or whatever it is they say.”
“Easier said than done.” Hayley tried to take in some calming deep breaths. “I’ll try, though.”
“Good. Because situations like this, they’re supposed to befun. And I think you deserve to have a little fun. You know you work too hard.” Briskly, Mirenda pushed her chair back from the charge desk and got to her feet. “I’m going to go make the rounds. Why don’t you send a message to Doctor Morales and set up another date?” She stepped behind Hayley and gave her shoulders and neck a good rub.
“Maybe…” Hayley bit her lip.
Mirenda clapped a hand on Hayley’s shoulder and rounded the charge desk, picking up a tablet on the way. “Well, think about it. It’s better to have fun in the moment than to spend your time freaking out over things that haven’t happened… that probably won’t happen! Relax, Boss Lady.” With a cheerful wave, she disappeared into the corridors of the ICU to start her rounds.
Hayley pulled her phone out of her pocket and regarded it soberly, chewing further on her bottom lip. She thumbed open her text messages and looked at the short thread under Deb’s name. There was a new message there, sent this afternoon as Hayley had been driving to the hospital for her evening shift.
We should do that again sometime. Soon. Very soon.
Closing her eyes, she pressed the phone to her chest and sighed. There was a reason why she hadn’t been with anyone in years. All the conflict, all the memories, all the factors shecouldn’t control. It had been easier to focus on her work, to get promoted, have somewhere to direct all her perfectionistic tendencies and valedictorian energy. Then the ICU ran well, and nobody’s heart got broken. It was a win-win.
Until now.
She gripped her phone more tightly. It was better to nip this in the bud now. Right? Cut it off before she had a chance to really mess things up. She wouldn’t get hurt. And it probably wouldn’t bother Deb much. Like sure, she’d be pissed for a couple of days, but from what Hayley had always heard about her around the hospital, she’d find someone else to distract her soon enough. Besides, as ER chief, she had her own massive workload to keep her occupied. Deb would be fine.
And anyway, if Deb did get mad at her, it’s not like that would be a new thing. Really, this would just be resetting everything back to how it was before. Like last night had never happened, never stirred up all the old memories, and never reminded Hayley that she was actually a disaster of a human being when it came to interpersonal relationships.
Hayley opened her eyes and, before she could think too hard about it all, blocked Deb’s number. “It’s for the best,” she whispered, swallowing hard. She wished so hard that it wasn’t, she wanted so much to be able to let herself have fun and enjoy whatever this thing with Deb could have been. Because it would have been incredible. The little taste of it she’d had… heady. Almost irresistible.
Almost.
She slid her phone into her pocket and stood up. There was work to do.
8
DEBORAH
“It’s been a week. I don’t understand why she isn’t responding.” Deb tossed her phone down onto her desk, frustrated and annoyed. Grabbing the Styrofoam box it landed next to, she picked up a birria taco from the taco truck out in the Oakridge parking lot, and bit ferociously into it. “We had a great time,” she mumbled through her mouthful. “Good dinner, good conversation, a little bit of a fight. Fucking hot dancing, incredible sex all night long.”
“Please,” Paige said from the other side of the desk, a pained look on her face and a massive fajita chicken burrito held uneaten in her hand. “I have to actually work with Hayley a lot more often than you do. I don’t need details.”
“I didn’t give any,” Deb replied irritably. “Just simple facts. But listen, if you’d had a night like that, would you be ghosting your date?”
Paige sighed. “She worksin this hospital, remember? You can go find her and talk to her!”
“You think I haven’t tried?” Deb threw her hands into the air. “It’s like she’s psychic. She is never there when I go. I never seeher in the cafeteria. I know she’s not playing hooky, because I see her sign off on admits in patient records.”
With a shrug, Paige bit into her burrito at last. “Dunno what to tell you,” she said as she chewed. “For the record, no, I wouldn’t be ghosting anyone if I’d had an incredible date. And it does sound like it was pretty damn good. Sorry, Deb. I’d date you if I liked women.”
“Really?” Deb perked up. She’d always thought Paige was too damn hot for her own good.
“I mean… okay, sorry, no. I’ve just known you too long, Deb. But maybe if I hadn’t! Maybe then.” Paige tilted her head, clearly contrite and sorry that she liked men.
Deb slumped back into her chair and poked listlessly at her tacos with a wooden spork. “I just wish I knew what I did wrong. Even the morning after was great.”
“I’m sure it’s not you.” Paige shook her head, setting her ponytail to bouncing. “Maybe something spooked her.”
“Maybe. I mean, in the end, we don’t know each other that well. And until a few days ago, we could hardly stand to be in the same room with each other.” She shoved her taco box away and crossed her arms over her chest. “Damn it! I hate this. Her ass was exactly as amazing as I always thought it would be.”
Paige dropped her burrito into its box and covered her face with her hands, letting out a muffled scream. “Deborah,please, oh my God.”
“Sorry! Sorry.” She sat back up to reach for her Diet Coke and took a long pull while she thought about the whole messy situation. “I just don’t get it, though. I really don’t.”
