Ruby shrugged. “Okay.” She folded her hands into her lap and waited, her face expectant.
Deb swallowed. “The issue is that—fine, I want her. But also I kind of hate her a little because she’s a stickler for protocol and has an attitude the size of a neurosurgeon’s.And,” she took a deep breath, “a few days ago, I kind of ran into her having a really hard time, and you know, I was nice to her. We had a moment. There was a little something there, in there.”
“Okay,” Ruby nodded. “Sounds normal.”
“Well, then today, she foundmehaving a hard time.” Her lungs began to constrict, and she forced herself to stay calm and take a long pull of her margarita, now watery with half-melted ice. That made her grimace. “Um, so, I had. I was having…” Her throat wanted to close up against the words, but she pushed them through. “I have panic attacks. Not often now, but today wasn’t good. I had one. She helped me get through it. And then I snapped on her.”
Ruby pursed her lips. “Oof. How bad?”
“I would absolutely say I was a raging bitch, honestly.” She drained the rest of the diluted, sad margarita. “My mother wouldhave beat me for being so rude to someone who had been incredibly kind to me.”
“Ah. I know the feeling.” Ruby nodded and reached across the table to offer a gentle sympathy pat on Deb’s hand. “And now you have to apologize, and that’s sticking in your throat. Pride? Embarrassment?”
“¿Por qué no los dos?” Deb asked, half whimsically, half sarcastically. Then she sighed. “What I kind of really want to do is stopwantingher so much. Or at all!” She threw her hands in the air. “Do you know how annoying it is to want to hate someone and fuck them at the same time?”
“Personally? No. But Esme does.” Ruby gestured over to the Indigo Lounge owner in much the same way her partner had done a few weeks ago. “If you want personal experience with it, you need to talk to her. I’ve written about it, though. It’s a really popular trope in romance, did you know?”
“Really?” That was interesting. And somehow, infuriating. “People like that? Because I personally find it incredibly, intenselyannoying.”
“You’re going to hate how it always ends, then.” Ruby chuckled and plucked more fries from the basket. “Listen, I’m not good at telling people how toendromantic feelings. My job is to foster them.”
“Perish the fucking thought.” Deb shuddered.
“Why don’t we talk about the rest of it? Like, why did you snap at her?” Ruby propped her chin in her hand, her eyes alight with curiosity. “I mean, you don’t have to, if it’s too personal. I know we’re not exactly buddies.”
“Oddly enough, I think that might be a helpful thing.” Stalling for time to think, Deb rolled her head, stretching out the tightness in her neck. “You don’t know me. So it’s still noteasyfor me to talk about this stuff, but it’s easier, somehow. Because of that.”
“Okay.” Ruby waited, munching on fries.
Deb tried to choose her words carefully, not wanting to simply word vomit all over Ruby. “I don’t like that I have panic attacks. As a physician, I know that anxiety is just another medical condition. It’s manageable, it’s treatable, it’s not a personal defect. I just…”
Ruby waited a moment, then, “You just…” she prompted.
“As a person, I still hate it. I don’t want people seeing me in those moments. Any people.” She picked at her cuticles. “But especially not people I don’t particularly like, who somehow magically know the exact right thing to do in the moment to get me through it.” The sense of comfort she’d felt while Hayley guided her through the weeds almost frightened her. She didn’t especially want to feel comfortable with anyone, let alone Hayley, not when she felt vulnerable.
But she was unable to deny howniceit had been to have someone giving a shit and helping her. Like a warm bath, or a really good glass of excellent whiskey, she’d relaxed into it.
Absolutely terrifying.
“So you flipped out on her because somehow, someone you don’t get along with was there in a dark moment and saw what you needed?” Ruby asked, a slight smile playing on her red-painted lips. “Classic.”
I can’t freak out on her, Sasha will come for me.Sasha was generally easy-going, but Deb knew she’d go to the mat for Ruby. Still. This was the second time today she had been seen so clearly. Maybe she did need another margarita. “Classic what?” she asked, struggling to keep her tone neutral. She already knew the answer.
Ruby snitched the last fry out of the basket and popped it into her mouth while Deb stared. “Enemies to lovers,” she purred, her smile broadening.
“I need another drink,” Deb groaned.
5
HAYLEY
“Hey, Boss Lady.” Mirenda strolled up to the ICU desk, poking at the tablet in her hand with one slender brown finger. “We got some new admits coming from the ER?”
“Yep.” Hayley’s fingers were flying over the keyboard of her computer as she entered her notes from her rounds. “Any minute now. They’re all going to be post-op. A car crash, a construction site collapse, a hiking accident… today seems a little catastrophic.” She pushed away from the desk, spinning in her chair and then getting to her feet. “We’ll need all hands on deck.”
“Just another Tuesday for us, eh?” Mirenda grinned and scribbled on her tablet. “Well, I’m ready.”
“Me too.” Hayley walked to the doors of the unit and poked her head out. “Here come the first ones.”
