I jumped into our engagement because I was afraid of being alone. Scared of what my life might look like without someone to prove that I was worth keeping. With Andri, I can’t let fear steer the course of my life. I want to besure.I need to know that we're both in this for the right reasons, and for the long haul, before I hand my heart over again.
I realize I’ve taken too much time to answer. The corners of his mouth have slowly tugged down with disappointment. I hate that I’ve made him doubt, even for a second, how much I care about him.
“I like yousomuch,” I rush out, my words tumbling over each other. “You are so wonderful to me, and I’m so so grateful you’ve been here to help me pick up the pieces of my life again.”
His expression softens, that fond warmth blooming back in his eyes. It gives me a seed of courage, but not enough to swallow my truth.
“But—”
“Oh, there’s a but,” he says softly, the faintest crack in his voice. That crestfallen look returns, and it hurts more than I want to admit.
I swallow hard. “It’s not necessarily a bad but,” I say quickly, but the words sound thin even to my own ears. “It’s just me…I’m still figuring myself out…I don’t want to rush into something again and mess up what we have right now.”
He turns his head, and I can see his jaw flexing, like he’s trying to rein in his disappointment.
“I’m not your ex, you know that right?” he whispers.
“I know, you couldn’t be more different…you’re amazing.”
“Then why does it feel like I’m paying for what he did to you?”
The question barrels into the center of my heart. I open my mouth, but no words come out. He’s not wrong, and I hate that. Because Andri has been nothing but patient with me.
“It’s not fair to you…I just—when you asked me what I wanted this to be…” I search my brain for the right words. “I wanted to sayeverything.I wanted to say that you’re all I think about, that your touch makes the world make sense again. But there’s still that injured part of me, the part that Gerald wounded, that needs to heal before I can promise you anything.” I bite the inside of my cheek after I confess the broken part of myself to him.
“I don’t need forever right now.” He takes a deep breath. “As long as you're honest with me, I promise to be patient.”
“I can do that, because I want to be here with you…I want a life together where I’m healed.”
He pulls me back against him, and I revel in the strength of his arms and the warmth of his body. My throat gets tight, and his acceptance of me as I am right now has tears threatening to crest.
“Take all the time you need.” His voice is low and steady. “Because I’m not going anywhere.”
A weight is lifted off my chest, and I can’t help it when my cheeks are streaked with wetness. I look up, and all the sadness and anxiety has melted from his face. He lies there now with a look of determined patience.
I don’t say anything else, I just grip him back with every ounce of power left in my body. For the first time in a long time, my future doesn’t feel like an inevitable threat, but a possibility I can be excited about.
Chapter twenty-one
Andri
WhenIopenthedoor to the cabin, the snowdrift is nearly thigh high. The wind sweeps past me, rustling my fur. I scrub my hand over my face and let out a beleaguered sigh. Digging ourselves, and the resort as whole, out of this snow is going to be a lot of work.
“Brrr!” I hear from the bed behind me. When I turn, a half-sleepy Daphne has pulled the duvet over her head like a hood.
I quickly latch the heavy wooden door closed. “Shit, sorry. Forgot about that.”
I smile awkwardly at the precious little human in my bed. Her eyes rake down my body and land squarely on my crotch. She scrambles for her glasses on the bedside table and looks again.
“You’re not wearing your jorts,” she says slowly, still zeroing in on my cock.
“Uh yeah, sorry…I can put them back on?” Have I goofed big time? “I figured with everything that went on last night it wouldn’t be a big deal.”
“I mean, it’s not a big deal…it’s big, just not an issue.” She gulps. “Like really big…and blue. Are all snowmen like that?” She wags a finger up and down at me.
“Well, I’ve never met another snowman besides my own mother…and even if I had, I’m not sure the first thing we’d do is compare cock sizes.” I try unsuccessfully to keep my laugh under my breath.
“Would it be super weird if I asked you for a better look?” Daphne slides to the side of the bed and pulls her pants up over her perfect ass. “I mean, I’ve never been with anything but human men…I just want to know what I’m getting myself into.”
