“What was that?” I question weakly.
“Nothing, go to sleep,” he tells me, holding me all the tighter.
CHAPTER24
?I LIKED SEEING YOU LICK MY PUSSY, ASSHOLE?
?RAF’ERE
I sleepwith Marta pulled tightly into my arms. When I wake from the dream that was last night, anxiety sits in the pit of my stomach. It’s as if the cold light of day is illuminating my new reality.
What happens next?
I’m doubtful that the only thing that will change between us is the number of orgasms she’s having. Can I tell her the true depths of my feelings—would she even accept the mate bond as a reality?
Should she? Could she be happy with me, some ruined old thing?
I slide my arm carefully out from under her, as I want to let her sleep. For as beautiful as she is, Marta snores louder than any grizzled fi’len solider I’ve ever bunked with. Not that I mind, the vibration of her airway is almost like a soothing white noise.
There’s a whining and shuffling from the bottom of the bed, and Nubbins pulls his thick short body onto my mattress.
“Shh, you little beast, let her sleep!” I whisper yell at him. But he’s about as trained as any wild little thing. The kahne’ah immediately pounces on Marta’s chest and a whoosh of air leaves her lungs, her eyes snapping open.
She’s kinder than I am, her gaze softening as soon as she sees the kahne’ah.
“Aww, who’s awake before Mommy?” Her lids are heavy, but she clasps Nubbins’s fat little cheeks and accepts all the sloppy kisses he gives her.
Once he’s finally settled, she turns her eyes to me.
She smiles. Marta’s f’teeing face lights up when she looks at mine.
“Hey there.” Her voice still sounds groggy.
“Hello, Marta,” I respond. My chest is full of a something I haven’t felt in a long time.
Completeness.
“So, what’s next?” she asks.
“What do you mean?”
“I mean, are you planning on keeping me locked up in this room for the rest of my life? If I trust you…with my body…can you trust me with more freedom?”
“Our experience last night wasn’t a transactional one, Marta. I wasn’t keeping you here until you let me touch you…”
And just like that, the feeling fades. What replaces it is something familiar. It’s the feeling I first felt when my parents died. It haunted me when I first looked at my reflection after the war…and the cold crept even deeper into me when Yar’oh’s true motives were known.
“You think that just because you’re some hotshot alien duke that I slept with you to get more privileges? God, you’re such an asshole, you know that?!” Marta’s demeanor turns cold.
“Then why did you?” The spread of darkness inside my hearts halts for a moment.
“Because I wanted to, you fucking jerk! Because you were beautiful last night…because I liked seeing you lick my pussy. Mother of God, don’t twist this into something it’s not.” Her face is flushed with anger.
She liked seeing me lick her pussy.It’s not a declaration of love…but I’ll take it.
“You know what, let’s pretend like it never happened.” She swings her feet over her side of the bed and clutches one of the sheets tight around her body.
“I’m sorry,” I say, and she freezes. “I…I’m not used to people not having ulterior motives. If you can be patient with me, I can try harder to trust you.”
