“That’s definitely not okay, and I’m sure it felt terrible. But you’re in actual physical danger here. We need to take action.”
My pulse pounded in my temples. My senses went intooverdrive. Shapes got sharper; smells got brighter. “He touched me without my permission, Dad. He did it on purpose when I was asleep so I couldn’t say no. I woke up, and he told me nothing happened. It really messed with my head, because every time I was with him—every prep session, every tournament, every bus trip—I didn’t feel safe. But then I felt like I was being unfair to him. Do you know how messed up that is?”
“Why didn’t you tell me?”
“Because it took a while to realize I hadn’t dreamed it. And then it would have sounded stupid to say, ‘This happened, but it took me till now to realize it was real.’ Who’d believe that? Anyway, what could you have done? Cole doesn’t act like a predator. He’s funny and smart. No one would have believed that he could do anything bad. And then you told me we were moving to France. It was just easier to leave it behind and start over here.”
He got up, came around to my chair, and put his arm around me. “I’m so sorry that happened. But think of going back as a reset. A chance to change things that didn’t work before. We can find you a different school if you’d rather not run into Cole.”
Dad’s arm felt heavy, and I shifted uncomfortably. “If I’m going to reset, I want to do it here. I love it here.”
“You’re in danger here.”
“Okay, say I go back to Portland. Where do I run away to the next time a guy does something to me?”
“There won’t be a next time.”
I just shook my head. “Statistics say otherwise, so you should probably pick your backup safe cities now.”
“You’re being stubborn.” His voice had an edge of impatience. “I’m doing this for you.”
“No, you’re doing thistome. You haven’t asked what I want, what would make me feel safe.”
He sighed. “You’re overreacting. You don’t see how bad Paris is for you. I’m only thinking of you, of your happiness.”
“Why can’t you see how good Paris has been for me? I mean, I’m getting really good in French. And there’s Madame Dupuy. Leaving her would be so hard.”
He softened for a minute. He liked Madame Dupuy, too.
“I know it’s hard. I know it’s unfair, but we live in a dangerous world. I have to make the best decisions I can when it comes to your well-being.”
“Youknow it’s unfair? How? You were walking home from the Métro by yourself the night I got attacked, but you’re not under house arrest for walking without a chaperone.”
He waved my anger away. “That’s not the point.”
“No; that’s the whole point. You’re making this my fault. You’re restricting my freedom, and you don’t even see how hypocritical it is. You want to take me away from a place I love and back to a place that has bad memories for me because staying here causes you too much anxiety. None of this is about what’s best for me.”
He narrowed his eyes, frowning, and I knew he was about to lose his temper. “This conversation is over. We’re moving back to Portland.”
Inside my head, the arguments roared. Why did he get to ignore my reasons for staying? Why did his fear outweigh my autonomy? I saw him through a red haze, and I wanted to hurt him, to punish him for keeping me from my friends,for tearing me away from here, for trying to protect me by imprisoning me. I could protect myself. I didn’t need him. I glanced at his neck and heard the artery throbbing there, under his skin, filled with delicious blood.
I stood up from the table so fast my chair fell over backward, banging on the floor and startling me. Dad had jumped up, too. “Go to your room,” he shouted as I ran down the hall. I locked myself in, then scrabbled in my backpack for Martine’s cigarettes, my hands shaking. I finally found them, fumbled one out, and got it lit. I drew in a lungful of smoke and felt myself begin to uncoil. “I will not be a vampire,” I told myself. “Le Bec doesn’t win.”
I leaned out the window, blowing pale gray plumes into the evening air, lighting a second cigarette off the end of the first one, desperate to kill the rage and hunger that filled me. When I was calm enough to think rationally, I realized that even with all my safeguards in place, I couldn’t guarantee my reaction if I got really angry. I’d barely avoided attacking Dad just now. He’d always be a little in danger around me. And I was in danger, too, if Madame Dupuy figured out that I was a vampire. I didn’t see a choice. I had to disappear. I had to go someplace neither of them would look for me. I stuffed some things into my pack: money, passport, a change of clothes, and a jacket. I changed into my hiking pants and shoes and distributed my phone, cigarettes and matches, and lockpicks among their pockets.
I looked around my room. Amid all the prints taped to the walls were a couple of photos right by my bed: me and Nick and the Eiffel Tower, and all of us in front of Noor’sMona Lisainstallation. I took them down and slipped them into mypack. I looked around one last time. Should I leave a note? It seemed cruel not to at least say goodbye; Dad would lose his mind when he discovered I was gone. On the other hand, it was cruel of him to rip me away from the life I wanted and the people who cared about me and drag me back to Portland. We’d had so many big plans for our Paris life, and they were all ruined. I slumped on the edge of my bed. Finally, I got my notebook and opened it to a clean sheet.Dear Dad, I wrote.I have to go away. I’m not safe to be around. I’m sorry. I love you. Tosh.I slipped it under the light-up Eiffel Tower from Nick sitting on my desk.
I waited until Dad was asleep, and then I slipped out for the last time. When I was outside, I texted Nick: “Dad’s moving us back to Portland. Can you meet me by the park gate rn?” He said he’d be there in five, and I smoked a cigarette as I waited, just to be sure I wouldn’t go into v mode on him.
When Nick saw me, his face lit up. I hurried into his arms, craving his comfort. He leaned down and kissed me. I kissed him back softly, and everything faded away but the two of us. We were on our own planet, spinning so swiftly that it made me dizzy. I held on to him, and we spun and spun together like the beginning of a new world.
“Is your dad serious about leaving?” he asked when we finally stopped kissing.
I sighed. I wanted to keep the moment, to make it last forever, so that I’d always be in Nick’s arms and he’d always be looking at me like I was a miracle. So I kissed him again and pushed reality back for a few more minutes. Finally, we looked at each other.
“Yeah,” I said.
“He can’t. You just got here. We haven’t done all the things. You haven’t eaten all the pastries. You haven’t kissed me nearly enough.”
