“I’m…shocked,” I whispered. I hadn’t thought I’d get out of the apartment until regular school started in September.
“Yes, well, both of you need a change of scenery. And you are healing exceptionally well. Your father understands that it is the logical thing to do.”
“Thank you.” I was willing to bet that he wouldn’t have seen the logic if Madame Dupuy hadn’t pointed it out to him.
She waved my thanks away. “It is nothing.” There were restrictions, of course. Madame Dupuy had to walk me to and from school. I couldn’t go anywhere unless she or Dad went with me. I couldn’t hang out with anyone. But it was better than being trapped in this apartment forever. She’d also convinced Dad to return to the office. It would be so excellent for things to get back to normal.
I finished my tea. Madame Dupuy went home. I gathered up my school things and loaded them into my backpack, wondering whether I could trust myself not to do anything…vampire-y to my classmates. Dad came in as I zipped my pack up. “Madame Dupuy really advocated for you, Tosh.” My heart stuttered. What if I let her down? The burn on my finger throbbed. What if I hurt someone at school? “And she was right,” he continued. “It’s time for both of us to get out of this apartment. But do not put yourself in harm’s way for any reason.” He told me the rules again, and I assured him that I would follow them. “We’re going to get through this,” he said, hugging me. “Now get some sleep.”
The city settled down into night. My Paris chat woke up, and I shared the good news. I told Mina and Lily, too, butthey were both at work, so they wouldn’t see it till they had a break.
Me:I still can’t see you all though
Nick:But at least you get out of the apartment. That’s huge
Martine:We are so happy for you
Youssef posted some new photos, Nick shared a video Sophie had made for me at her favorite park, and after an hour or so, the chat went silent. I should have gone to sleep since it was a school night, but I was ravenous, so I went to the kitchen and foraged in the cupboards and fridge. Out of habit, I’d gone straight for the Ritter Sport bars Madame Dupuy kept on hand, because chocolate, but the smell nauseated me. I unscrewed the lid on the Nutella jar, retched, and screwed it right back on. There were fresh apricots sitting in a bowl on the counter, and I picked one up. I put it down again. The honey-and-flowers smell made me gag. I opened the fridge and caught a faint, delicious, blood-tinged odor. Raw meat. I checked the meat drawer, but it was empty. Then I checked the garbage can, hoping Madame Dupuy had tossed the trimmings in there. It was empty, and I remembered that she always took the trash down to the dumpsters after dinner. That used to be my job. Back when I was free.
I didn’t stop to put my shoes on, just let myself quietly out of the apartment and rode the elevator down to the underground parking garage, where the dumpsters lived. I couldsmell ripening meat scraps even before the elevator doors opened. I ran to the dumpsters, my bare feet slapping on the cool concrete, and threw open the first lid. It held a feast: blood-slicked butcher paper and meat trimmings in bag after bag. I tore one open, brushed the coffee grounds off a handful of fatty trimmings, and sucked the blood out. They left a greasy, not-unpleasant aftertaste. I poked through the bag and found the butcher paper I knew would be there. I uncrumpled it and methodically licked the blood off. Then I tore into the next bag. I despoiled bag after bag of trash until I’d satisfied my hunger. Only then, as I wiped my mouth for the last time, did the wrongness of what I’d done hit me. I’d just gone through garbage to find blood. I stared at the filigree pattern burned on my finger. There was no way to avoid the conclusion. I really was a vampire. I sat down with my back against a dumpster. How could I trust myself at school? But if I told Madame Dupuy I didn’t want to go, she’d wonder why, and that was not a question I wanted her to be asking. Not given her family business. Maybe she wouldn’t stake me herself, but she knew people who would. All she’d have to do would be to make a phone call. Unless there was some way to control vampire mode. Or shut it off.
I remembered feeling it ebb away when I had been about to attack the unhoused man, just before Le Bec had crept up on me. What had caused that? I went back up to our apartment, chewing on the question, and washed my face with scalding water to get rid of the smell of garbage. I brushed my teeth for about ten minutes, trying to scrub away every remnant of what I’d just devoured. Then I fell into bed and lay there, wide awake, frightened, and haunted by the smellof…minty-fresh toothpaste? It filled my nostrils, so strong I could hardly smell anything else. I got up, went to the kitchen, opened the fridge, and stuck my head into the meat drawer. All I could smell was peppermint. I remembered the Altoids in my pack, left over from debate team, where I’d shared them with Lily and Mina before rounds. “Blow them away with your arguments,” Mina would say as she took one out of the tin, “not with your coffee breath.”
Maybe the curiously strong mints could keep v mode atbay.
Chapter 18
Six Weeks Ago
I fiddled with my scarf as Madame Dupuy and I walked, arranging it to better hide the bandage on my neck. She’d given me the scarf so I wouldn’t have to walk back into school looking like a victim. It was greeny blue and lighter than a sigh, perfect for summer. And perfect for me; the colors complemented my hair and gave my pale skin a healthy blush. When we reached the school, she told me to call her if I needed to. Then she hugged me. I watched her walk down the street, and I felt suddenly vulnerable. The noise of traffic and the chatter of my classmates as we waited outside the building roared inside my head. Three boys hovered near a group of girls, showing off: punching each other on the arm, dodging and feinting, their laughter so loud it hurt my ears. They smelled young and nervous—and delicious. Like French fries. I popped another Altoid. It didn’t entirely eliminate the delicious smell, but it did help remind me that they were people, not snacks.
By midmorning break, I’d gone through almost my entire tin, a headache throbbed behind my eyes from excessive peppermint and sugar, and I was so tense I thought I’d snap from the pressure of trying to be human. And people had been staring at me all morning. Nobody had said anything, but I felt like everyone knew what my scarf hid. I wondered if climbing up on a table and ripping the bandage off my neck so they could see what a vampire bite looked like would be less weird than the covert way everyone was eyeing me now. I drifted behind the tide of students pouring out of the building onto the sidewalk, feeling like an alien, searching for a quiet spot away from the crowd. Somebody called my name, and I looked around to see Nick, Noor, Martine, and Youssef waving at me from under a tree. My heart bloomed with love. I ran to them, and they surrounded me, shielding me from the rest of the world.
“You all are amazing,” I whispered, grinning. I couldn’t believe Noor’s parents had let her come. She was pale and so thin, and her fingertips were wrapped in bandages. But she was here, hugging me like she hadn’t seen me in years, enveloping me in a cloud of menthol. “Do you have a cold?” I asked her. Menthol salve was Dad’s cure-all for congestion and the curse of every cold and flu season as far back as I could remember. She shook her head. “Text me later.” Her voice was as shredded as mine. I wished Dad could see what a healing gift my friends were. Having them there made me feel safe in a way being shut up in our apartment didn’t. I felt safe not because I was hiding from something behind a locked door, but because I was facing my fear, with my friends to support me. You can’t hide from all the scary things; you need people who will let you face them, who will support you while youdo.
“How was school?” Madame Dupuy asked when I met her at noon.
I blew out a sigh. “Harder than I thought. People stared at me.”
“Well, of course they did,” she said briskly. “They wanted to see how a vampire’s victim looks.” I flinched at “vampire.” She took hold of my hand. “And now they know, and they will stop staring.”
I hadn’t anticipated how hard it would be to keep my guard up against v mode in a crowd of people. The Altoids had crippled my sense of smell, but I still had had a couple of waves of heightened senses, where colors intensified and sounds became louder and denser. I worried that if I let myself get distracted at all, something would happen. Maybe I should tell Dad that I just wasn’t up to it. But then would Madame Dupuy get suspicious? I was furious at Le Bec for doing this to me, for calling me his creation, for expecting me to join his little coven. He didn’t get to own me. He didn’t get to win. I’d figure out v mode, and I’d go to class, and I’d be a normal person.
As I settled down to do homework after lunch, I remembered Noor’s bandaged fingers.
Me:Thank you for coming today. It was AMAZING to see you
Noor:You are welcome. How are you feeling?
Me:It was hard, but I made it
Me:Altoids work pretty well to stop weird cravings
Noor:I am using pommade mentholée. It is very strong, but I am no longer eating my fingers
I remembered her menthol smell. I went into Dad’s bathroom and rooted around in the drawers until I found a jar. I dabbed some under my nose. My sinuses felt like they were exploding, but the salve killed all smells and stomped on their lifeless remains for good measure. I tucked the jar into my pocket.
Me:Wow. Way better than Altoids. I may never smell anything again
