I heard a voice in my head interrogating me insistently.
Why aren’t you nervous?
I am!
Not nervous enough. You’re walking straight into the lion’s den!
I know how to take care of myself.
Sure you do. Wait till Mr. Ross ambushes you again…
“What are you thinking about?” Jack asked. I was glad he couldn’t actually read my mind. Otherwise, I’d have a lot of explaining to do.
“I’m just thinking about how handsome you look in that sweatshirt,” I responded. “You should be grateful to me for forcing you to go shopping.” He grunted and looked at the road ahead of him. I was freaking out about seeing his dad—my eagerness for an argument was gone, and I was worried about making a scene—but I couldn’t admit that without getting intothe whole episode with him and the check, which I still hadn’t told Jack about. Mary and Agnes would be there, too, and I didn’t want things to be uncomfortable for them. And what if Jack’s father brought it up—would I just admit in front of the whole family that it had been his mistake, and that I was keeping the money to send his son to rehab? On a day when everything had supposedly been planned in my honor?
In the back seat, Mike didn’t say anything. That was weird for him. Maybe he sensed something bad was going to happen. Not that he needed psychic abilities to do so: that was par for the course when he saw his parents.
My premonition that things might turn ugly only got worse as I saw that huge white house with the black shutters again. In the garage was a Mercedes that I knew wasn’t Mary’s. After parking, Jack walked around, opened my door, and offered me his hand. I was surprised that he wasn’t more stressed.
The house was just as I remembered it, but that didn’t make it feel any less weird. We walked down the impersonal but very clean white hallway to the living room, where Mary was waiting for us in black jeans, a pink shirt, and oven mitts with a colorful pattern of cakes embroidered on them.
“Hey, guys!” she said and hurried over. The boys acted embarrassed when she kissed them on the cheek. I didn’t mind one bit.
“How are you, Jenna?” she asked. “I’m so glad you were able to make it.”
“I’m great,” I told her. “Thanks for inviting me.”
“Mike,” she said, “may I ask what in the name of God you’ve done to your face?”
Mike had gotten creative with his morning shave and had decided to leave his mustache. He looked like a teenager who was trying to buy cigarettes. Sue had cracked up when she saw him. Now he crossed his arms, defiant. “Mustaches are coming back, Mom. You heard it here, first.”
“Oh, honey,” she replied. “You really should see a psychologist.”
While the brothers sat on the sofa, I followed Mary into the kitchen, where she proudly showed off all she had prepared, noting humbly that she wasn’t a very talented chef. There was a salad, a roasted sea bass, mashed potatoes, chocolate cake…it was too much for such a small group, but that wasn’t my concern. It looked amazing, and she handed me a spoon to try the sauce for the fish, which I had to admit was incredible.
“I got the recipe from a cookbook someone gave me a few years ago. Trust me, none of this was easy, but I’m happy with how it all turned out. When I’m tired of the art world, I’ve got my next job all lined up.”
“You could do both,” I suggested, before changing the subject. “By the way, thanks for helping Jack out with my gift. You shouldn’t have.”
“Oh, did you like it? I’m so glad, the poor thing was an absolute bundle of nerves, he kept asking me over and over,Are you sure, Mom? Isn’t this other one better?To tell the truth, it’s nice to see him worrying about another person, that hasn’t always been his strong point. I meant to tell you, too,” she continued, her expression suddenly changing, “the boys told me about what happened on your birthday. You don’t know how sorry I am. I know what it means to lose someone who matters to you on what’s supposed to be a special occasion. My own mother died on Mother’s Day, and it was a terrible blow. I was even younger than you were. And I lost my father not long afterward. I think he just couldn’t bear the thought of living without her.”
She was distracted as she said this, almost as if she were revisiting that moment in her mind as she stared into the oven and toyed with one of her bracelets.
“It wasn’t long after that when I met Jack’s father,” she added softly. “I wonder sometimes how different things would be if I hadn’t felt so alone in that moment.”
Before I could stop myself, I asked, “Why? Do you think you might not have married him?”
That had to be one of the top ten least appropriate things I’d ever said,but Mary took it in stride, responding in a melancholy tone, “I don’t know. He gave me the attention I needed at a very vulnerable moment, and I let that sensation carry me away. Would I have married him in other circumstances? Maybe, maybe not. But I have to remind myself that without him, I wouldn’t have had my two kids, and they’re what I love most in the world. When I consider that, I have to say, it wasn’t such a bad decision after all.”
The conversation turned back to my grandmother, and I nearly cried as I told her the story. I was thankful that she hadn’t suffered, but I still missed her every day. As I spoke, I noticed Mary seemed impatient, and I wondered if I was boring her. Finally, I told her I was going to stick my head into the living room to see Agnes and the boys. Strangely, she seemed relieved to hear that.
Mike and Agnes were playing a shooter game, and for who knows what reason, his character was riding around in a pink tank wearing golden armor. The screen was split, and poor Agnes was just wandering around a bombed-out city with a slingshot in her hand.
“I want a gun, too!” she shouted, pressing all the buttons hysterically at once. “I can’t do a damned thing like this!”
She hurled a stone at an old man passing by, and he responded by smacking her in the head with his cane. Her screen went black, and Mike cracked up laughing.
“Here, Grandma,” Jack said, pushing a button on her controller. “You can change your weapons like this.” Jack chose a machine gun for her just when Mike’s tank rolled across her screen.
