Shannon was silent for a few seconds, then responded, “OK, you’re right. I’m sorry. I really am. I promise I won’t do it again.”
I phoned Grandma, and this time I got through to her. She told me basically the same thing as Shannon did: she hadn’t said anything because she didn’t want to worry me, I had my own life to worry about, and so on. Of course, I couldn’t be angry with her, and what I cared about was being sure she really was all right and wasn’t just lying to make me feel better. Once I was sure about that, we talked a little bit about school and this and that, and by the time I hung up, I felt better.
It was a lazy, boring day, and I spent much of it trying to get over the blow of what I’d heard. After my afternoon class, I had a small lunch, wentover my notes, vegged out in front of the TV, watched my roommates come and go without really paying them any attention. They did the same, they were busy, and for me, that was for the best. I honestly wasn’t in the mood to talk to anyone.
Jack walked in at some point, threw his jacket on the couch, and headed straight to the bathroom for a shower. I didn’t even look up from my notes. When he emerged soon afterward, he was dressed in a pressed black shirt and a fresh pair of jeans.
“Did you go shopping?” I asked.
Grabbing his jacket, he answered, “Yeah.”
“You look good.”
“Thanks.”
In the awkward silence my phone buzzed, and I nearly jumped out of my skin. Jack noticed. I thought it might be Monty again, but thankfully it was Chris. I picked up and he told me he had good news for me.
“Which is…?” I asked.
“A room’s opened up for you.”
“Seriously?” I responded, surprised.
Jack narrowed his eyes as Chris explained, “Yeah, this girl in one of the single rooms was bombing all of her classes. I don’t know if she was drinking too much or had personal issues, but anyway, her parents came and got her. Her room’s not listed with housing yet, so I can probably hook you up.”
“Can I think about it till tomorrow?” I found myself saying. I don’t know if it was the day I had, or seeing Jack in front of me, but something was making me reluctant.
“I guess so,” he said. “You’re being kind of weird, though. I took it for granted you’d be jumping for joy.”
“I don’t know. I’ve just got a lot on my mind.”
“All right,” he replied. “Well, don’t think about it too long, because ifsomeone else gets word of it, I don’t know when another spot might open up. I’m going to let you go, OK, I have some calls to make.”
“Sure, Chris, thanks.”
I hung up and tried to pretend I was busy with schoolwork, ignoring Jack until he’d walked in front of me and was standing there staring at me, playing with his keys.
“You’re leaving?” he asked.
“Chris found an open room for me.”
“Are you going to take it?”
“It makes sense, right? We’re clearly not comfortable living together. You didn’t throw me out, and I appreciate that, I really do, but I can tell when I’m not wanted. And that’s fine. Anyway, I’ll be able to save money on my light rail pass, so there’s that.”
His presence, his cold stare, my inability to know what he was thinking—all that made me nervous, and I found myself babbling, as I always do when I feel uncomfortable. “I can probably take care of it tomorrow. Then you’ll have your room again. I’m sure it sucks sleeping on the sofa. And another thing…”
“I don’t want the room,” he burst out. “I want…”
He couldn’t bring himself to finish. But I knew what he wanted to say.
“Actually,” he said, “just do what you want.”
“It’s not just what I want,” I responded. “It’s what you want, too.”
“So what, then, Jen? Do you need me to tell you to leave? Is that what you’re waiting for? Would that make you feel better?” He turned and grabbed his things.
I shouted, “Are you just going to run away every time we start to talk for real?”
