“Because a normal wedding is boring!” Naya objected.
“Naya, imagine me telling my mother she has to come to my wedding dressed as Mrs. Potts or whatever. She’d probably kill me.”
“Jenna’s right,” Will said. “What’s the point of stressing over trying to be original? They should just do what everyone does: rehearsal dinner, wedding, reception, honeymoon.”
“You’re not taking this seriously!” Naya growled. “Weddings are supposed to be special. It’s the most wonderful day in a person’s life!”
“Whatever,” Jack said. “I’m leaving all that stuff up to Jen.”
“Thanks a lot,” I responded. “You know it’s your wedding, too. You could try to help out.”
“But I just don’t care, Jen!” Jack objected. “I care about marrying you, but the when and how are irrelevant.”
“Irrelevant!” Naya shouted, as though she were about to burst into tears. “Isn’t that sweet. I’m sure you’ll make an incredible husband.”
Will turned down the volume on the TV and asked, “Why are y’all even talking about this? There are people who organize weddings for a living, you should just hire one of them.”
“That would cost a fortune,” I said.
“Babe, your husband-to-be is loaded,” Sue reminded me.
“It’s not just about the ceremony,” Naya continued. “You need to think about the setting, the guest list, the food…and now that Jack is who he is, you can’t just do some reception at his mother’s house with a cake from the supermarket. People will come with expectations, and you can’t disappoint them…”
“Can we please chill?” Will asked. “It’s not your wedding, Naya, and we know Jack couldn’t care less. So it’s really about Jen and what she wants.”
I did have something in mind. I’d tried to pretend it wasn’t a big deal,but I’d been thinking about it much more than I’d have cared to admit. And since I was terrified at what nonsense Naya might propose next, I came out with it: “What I’ve really always wanted to do is get married on a beach.” Since nobody responded, I went on, “I mean, it’s just an idea. If Jack doesn’t like it, then…”
“Why on a beach?” Sue asked.
“I don’t know. I hate the idea of everyone having to put on a tux or evening gown and there being a section for the bride’s family and another for the groom’s, and a priest being all solemn and whatever. I wish everyone could just relax, wear whatever they want, kick their shoes off and walk in the sand if that’s what they feel like.”
Naya was horrified, but Jack agreed. “I love it. No more need for debate. We’re having a hippie wedding on the beach.”
By now, I’d had enough of the subject—it was something private, between Jack and me, and not a proposal the whole apartment got to vote on—so I asked, “What are we doing for dinner?”
“Well, Jane’s sleeping at her grandmother’s tonight, so that means we don’t have to eat healthy for once,” Will said with relief.
“Burgers!” Naya announced.
Jack responded, “I don’t know, maybe my lovely bride wants one of her nasty barbecue pizzas.”
“No way,” I said. “I got a slice yesterday and I thought I would puke just from the smell. It’s weird, but that’s been happening to me a lot lately. Believe it or not, I could go for a salad.”
Sue was shocked that I’d turned down barbecue pizza. Will and Jack were relieved and were debating between tacos or Chinese. Naya, though, was staring at me with a panicked look on her face. Out of the blue, she stood and said, “Jenna, come with me. Feminine emergency.”
I followed her to the bathroom. She forced me down onto the toilet seat and looked me dead in the eyes.
“Jenna, when was the last time you had your period?”
That caught me off guard. “I think it was on May fifth?”
“You do know it’s June seventeenth, right?”
That silenced me a moment. I think my brain simply refused to admit what she was implying. She rested her hands on my shoulders and asked, “Are you absolutely sure?”
I nodded. And I was regular as clockwork.
“Do you guys use protection?”
