“I think she’s doing it on purpose,” Jack said. “I think she’s an evil baby and she’s been sent here to drive us all insane. Probably all babies are that way, like mogwais, cute at first, but then you turn your back and they become gremlins.”
How sweet.
“What about little Jay and Ellie?” I asked.
“I’ve changed my mind. We’re doing great now. Why mess with success? Let’s leave the kids to other people.”
I laughed until I heard Jane squealing again. “Dammit,” Jack said and jumped out of bed.
“Jack, it’s not the baby’s fault,” I said as he reached the door.
“I know. I’ll take it out on her parents.”
I had no choice but to follow him out. Will was sitting down in the bedroom cradling Jane in one arm while she wailed. Sue was pacing back and forth. On the sofa, Mike had his eyes closed and was trying to pretend none of this was happening.
“What’s up with her?” Jack asked.
“Do you not think I’d have tried to fix it if I knew?” Will replied slowly.
“She hates us,” Mike groaned. “That’s what it is.”
I asked where Naya was, and Will responded almost bitterly that she was sleeping. Unsurprisingly, a neighbor soon knocked on the door. Ten times this month, someone had come to complain. I understood their frustration, but I don’t know what they expected us to do. Soundproof the whole apartment?
Ordinarily, I opened the door to talk to them. I always tried to be calm, explain the situation, and apologize, and it usually worked, though the angry guy upstairs was a pretty tough customer. The main thing was to keep Sue away from the door, because letting her get past you, you ran the risk of a charge for accessory to murder.
I got in front of Jack before he could go unload his rage on someone. Of course, it was the guy from upstairs. He had a nasty expression on his face, and I feared I wouldn’t get rid of him as easily as usual.
“Good evening,” I said.
“You want to tell me what in the hell’s going on with that kid?”
“We’re trying to calm her down,” I said, as always.
“Well, it’s not working, so try something else!”
Before I could respond, Jack’s hand came from behind me and rested on the doorframe just over my head, making a loud slapping sound that got my attention as well as the neighbor’s. As the neighbor narrowed his eyes, Jack hissed, “Back to piss and moan some more?”
The neighbor was standing uncomfortably close, with his finger extended and a scowl on his face. “That kid won’t stop crying,” he said.
“Well, thanks for telling us, we had no idea,” Jack replied.
“It’s annoying.”
“You’re annoying.”
“If it’s not parties, it’s an argument. If it’s not an argument, it’s somebody having sex. If it’s not that, it’s this damn baby. You’re making it impossible to live here.”
“Then move,” Jack told him. “Or buy a pair of earplugs.”
“You can’t stand here and tell me you think this is normal,” the neighbor objected.
“How about this,” Jack said. “I’ve got a solution that will work for all of us. At the end of the hall, there’s a window with access to the fire escape. You can climb up on the roof, throw yourself off, and make everyone’s day. No more crying baby for you, no more bitching neighbor for us.”
He slammed the door in the man’s face.
“Jack!” I reprimanded him. “I don’t know if you should have said that. That guy looks like he could be violent.”
“I’ll get violent with him if he comes back here one more time. I’m tired of his bullshit. It’s hard enough dealing with people’s attitudesinsidethis apartment without having someone I don’t even know coming to me to complain.”
