Mama was so shocked by this that her mouth moved silently for several seconds. She suddenly looked her age, her brown hair shot with streaks of ashy gray and her eyes shadowed by dark circles.
“Never mind that,” she finally snapped, looking around to make sure no one was listening to them. “Your place is to find yourownhome, as a wife and mother. Before you run out of time. London is the best place for you to meet someone.”
“I want an answer,” Hannah whispered. “Are you and Papa goingto live apart forever? If I get married, would you go back home?”
Hannah wasn’t prepared to make such a sacrifice, but she needed to know where they stood.
“Plenty of couples spend time apart, particularly once their children are grown.” Mama’s voice was carefully light, as though they were discussing a spot of rain and not the disintegration of her marriage. “And I expect that you might need my help to learn how to manage the household and raise your own children once they come along, if Eli and Jane don’t need me here by then. Your grandmother Williams lived with us while she was still alive, and I was very grateful for her when you were small. You will be grateful for my help too, once you realize how much work it is.”
So this was it. Mama really wasn’t going back. Hannah had thought it would feel better to finally have some honesty between them, but it didn’t. It felt much worse.
She knew her parents had their share of troubles, but so did most married couples. They were supposed to bear it privately, like normal people, not run away! What would everyone think when they learned of it? What was she supposed to tell her friends?
Hannah wanted to scream and cry and shatter a crystal glass on the floor, as if a tantrum might change Mama’s mind. But she wasn’t a child anymore. She had to act like a lady and pretend everything was fine.
Interpreting her silence as grudging acceptance, Mama kept on speaking. “Now, let’s not have any more complaints. I’m going to the powder room for a minute, and when I get back, I expect to see you dancing with a gentleman. If you don’t like the ones I’ve found, then pick one who pleases you better. If you would only smile and say a few kind words, I know any man here would be lucky to have you, poppet. All I want is to see you taken care of.” Mama offered her a reassuring smile and left the room, giving Hannah a few blissfulminutes alone with her thoughts.
She was absolutelynotgoing to use this time to find a dance partner. If she’d been opposed to marriage before, it was unthinkable now that she knew Mama was planning to live with her as soon as she married to avoid going home. Hannah wasn’t going to help her break their family into pieces.
She can’t force me to marry.After all, Hannah had successfully avoided a marriage proposal for four seasons, and she was nearly halfway through her fifth. She was more than capable of escaping her suitors. The real problem was that Mama kept finding more of them. And London had a seemingly infinite supply.
What I really need to do is make myself so unmarriageable she’ll have to give up.
The moment the thought popped into her head, Hannah recognized it for genius. How often had Mama scolded her for some faux pas or another that might spoil her for a match? Why, this was her chance! All she needed to do was slip away before Mama got back from the powder room and do something so shocking that it would ruin her chances for good.
If Mama saw that she couldn’t use Hannah to hide from her own marriage, she would have to talk to Papa again and patch things up. After all, it had beenherdecision to run off to London, not his. Papa would take her back if Hannah could only get them talking again. He had to.
Then they could all go back to normal.
Hannah began to walk as if in a trance, letting her feet carry her away before she even knew her destination.
What can I do?Not the gardens. As scandalous as it might be to let herself be caught with some man, she would have to marry him, defeating the whole purpose of her plan. She might pretend to get drunk on too much punch or knock over some decoration and makea scene, but she wasn’t sure that would be important enough to ruin her prospects. This had to be something big. Something no one could hesitate to cut her for.
Oh! But Mrs. Anwar’s town house wasn’t far from Jane’s gambling club, was it? They’d dropped Eli off for the evening on the way here, and it had been only five or ten minutes by carriage. She could walk there!
Hadn’t Mama always said that Hannah’s reputation would be ruined if she set foot in the place? Perhaps it was time to put that to the test.
Heart racing, Hannah hurried her step toward the front door. She kept expecting someone to grab her by the wrist and shout, “Stop! Escaped daughter!” but no one even noticed her. There were unexpected benefits to being so forgettable.
When Hannah stepped out into the night air, a giddy peal of laughter bubbled up in her throat.
I’ve done it!She wanted to scream with glee.I’m free.
She could do anything she liked, at least until her mother caught up to her. At a ball the size of Mrs. Anwar’s, it would take ages to realize that Hannah was actually missing, rather than hiding in a corner as she usually did.
This was her chance to seize control of her future. To ruin her marriage prospects forever and to fix her family. As long as she screwed her courage to the sticking place, no one could stop her.
* * *
“I’m sure Miss Danby will be here any minute,” Eli Williams said with an apologetic smile.
“It’s fine,” Silas assured his friend. He was in no position to complain about tardiness. When he’d arrived in London a few daysbefore, he’d had little more than the clothes on his back and a promissory note in his pocket—a remnant of the prize money he’d earned on the HMSEchobefore his inglorious discharge.
That money was all he had left of a once-promising naval career. When it ran out, there would be nothing to follow. If Williams hadn’t offered to set him up with work, he didn’t know what he would have done.
All this explained how Silas found himself sitting in the least likely place he could have imagined: a fashionable little building on Piccadilly that proclaimed to offer the well-heeled ladies of London a place to gamble away their pin money. The cluttered office stood empty, save for him and Williams. They’d been supposed to meet the co-owner of the place, Miss Danby, at eight o’clock, but it seemed she couldn’t be bothered to turn up when she’d promised.
Silas realized that he was bouncing his knee in his seat and focused on holding it still.
