“Which is exactly why she should make it up to us by pitching in.”
“Youwere the one who didn’t want her there,” Della blurted out, exasperated. She felt as though she were losing her mind. Had she hallucinated Jane’s opposition?
“I didn’t want to upset her mother,” Jane corrected. “But as thatship has sailed, the best thing I can do now is to try to keep the two of them apart when I’m able and put Hannah in a place where one of us can keep close watch over her.” Jane paused for a moment, then added as an afterthought, “Andtry to save her from marrying a baronet who’s somewhere in the tail end of his fifties, I suppose.”
“I can’t believe this!”
“Why are you angry?” Jane’s voice rose slightly to match Della’s pitch. “I thought you were trying to help Hannah get some distance from her mother.”
“But it’s not fair.” Della was aware that this was something a petulant child would say, which only served to make her more annoyed. “Why am I forbidden to come to my own club because I let Hannah in, while Hannah gets to take my place even thoughshecaused all the trouble? And Cecily, I might add, whom you’ve always said was awful until now.”
Jane blinked, pulling back slightly. “Della, no one is replacing you. Hannah’s only helping to keep track of our accounts, which you never did anyway. And as for Cecily, of course I don’t like her better than you. But she’s proven far more useful than I expected. I wouldn’t trust her with anything too delicate, but shedoesknow how to make sure everyone is enjoying themselves.”
“So do I.”
“I never said you didn’t!” Jane drew a long breath and tried again. “I’m not trying to punish you for what happened, I only thought you might need some time to rest. I know you’ve been working yourself to the bone since I had Gloria, and I feel badly I haven’t done something about it sooner.” Her blue-gray eyes softened as she added, “It wasmyfault. I’ve been so busy that I didn’t see how you were struggling.”
Della cast her eyes downward, somewhat mollified by this. Her voice came out too small when she asked, “You really aren’t disappointed in me?”
“Of course not.” Jane took Della’s hand and gave it a little squeeze. “You can come back if you’re ready, but I don’t want us to fall into the same habits. You always try so hard not to let anyone down that you end up taking too much on yourself. I think we should consider keeping Cecily on permanently, at least for a few nights each week.”
“Would she become a co-owner as well?”
Jane frowned. “Let’s not get ahead of ourselves. Why don’t we consider this to be a sort of trial period? If things go well and she wants more responsibility, we could consider offering her the chance to make an investment once we’re sure she’s truly committed. It would certainly be nice to have some more funds in the bank.”
Della let this sink in. What would it mean if Bishop’s didn’t belong to her and Jane alone anymore? As much as she knew they needed more help, she didn’t love all this uncertainty.
“Would that be all right with you?” Jane prodded, when Della didn’t speak up.
“Idothink we could stand to have another hostess in the evenings,” she admitted. “But…it just feels as though so much is changing. The club started out as just the two of us, and we never had any problems. What if adding more people ruins everything?”
What if you don’t need me anymore?
She left this last fear unspoken.
“Thingsdochange,” Jane said gently. “My life is different now than it was before I became a mother. There’s less of me left for the club, but it will always be a part of my life. If Cecily or anyone else becomes a co-owner one day, she wouldn’t be replacing youorme. I’ll still be here when you need me.”
“What if…” Della bit her tongue, afraid of what she’d caught herself thinking. It felt like a betrayal.
“Go on,” Jane encouraged.
She’d never imagined herself saying these words, but sheremembered her conversation with Reva the other day. It bolstered her courage to know that someone she trusted felt the same way.
“What if one dayI’mnot there? What if things don’t work out for some reason, and I had to step back?” It felt as though the ground might split apart beneath her feet as she finished. “What if I weren’t a co-owner anymore?”
Jane couldn’t conceal her surprise. Her lips parted, formed the beginning of words she didn’t say, then closed again. Finally, she said, “Do you want to leave?”
I don’t know, Della nearly wailed. It felt wrong to even be thinking about this. It had always been her and Jane together, as a team. What sort of friend would she be if she abandoned her now?
“You know I love how much we’ve accomplished,” she began, “and I don’t want to leave you shorthanded. But I feel as if I’ve lost my spark lately. I don’t know if I’m up to the task. Look at how I botched everything with Mrs. Muller.”
“I told you, I don’t blame you for that. You had too much work to handle everything.”
“It isn’t only that,” Della protested, before Jane could go any further. “I’m not good at being strict with people. I hate it, to be quite honest. It makes me feel like I’m the most heartless person in the whole world and that everyone despises me. But onemustbe strict when it comes to enforcing debts, so where does that leave me?” Della twisted her hands in her lap as she poured out her fears. “I don’t even know how I feel about the whole idea anymore. Our club made Mrs. Muller so miserable! Is it our fault that she feels that way? Mine, mostly, since I didn’t have the courage to cut her off sooner.”
“But we limit the bets. We don’t let women ruin their families the way they do at White’s or Brooks’s. Do you mean to say that you’ve discovered you object to gambling?”
“No,” Della replied quickly. “I don’t have any problem with itformyself. Nor for those who are careful with their fortunes. I just…have doubts as to whether I can be the one to let someone else cause themself such grief in our establishment.”
