“Before the House of Lords, maybe. But the bill still has to pass through the Lower House and get royal assent before it’s final. It’s not too late to change things.”
Itcouldn’tbe too late. He couldn’t let himself think about what it would mean if this was final. If Della’s name was forever linked with his in a sordid scandal.
What would become of her then?
Lyman gulped in a large breath. There didn’t seem to be enough air in the room.
“Ashton…” The pity in Clarkson’s voice was like a vise squeezing his skull. “You know as well as I do the House of Commons isn’t going to oppose the bill now that it’s passed the House of Lords. The matter is done.”
“It’snotdone.” Lyman caught himself shouting at Clarkson. “I have to do something. Otherwise—”
He couldn’t bring himself to finish the thought. Otherwise what? He would have ruined Della. Not Wood,him. If he hadn’t invited her back to his lodgings that day, if he hadn’t been so swept up in his own selfish desire that he’d abandoned all the rules that held him in check, she would never have been exposed.
Lyman sat down with a heavy thud and buried his face in his hands, the little settee in his room giving a creak of protest that echoed his misery. There had to be something else he could do. If he could only think straight, he would see it. This couldn’t be how things ended.
A knock at the door made him jump to his feet, but Clarkson pressed a firm hand on his shoulder. “I’ll get it. Wood’s not likely to come back here. Take a minute to cool your head.”
Impossible.Lyman’s thoughts wouldn’t stop spinning. He heard murmured voices at the door, but he couldn’t understand any of the words, either because they were too far from him or because he was too far from his senses. All he could think about was that there must be some way to make all of this a dream, to turn back time and do things differently. When Clarkson’s footsteps came back toward him, alone, he couldn’t summon the energy to look up.
“Ashton.” The gentle voice that called his name wasn’t Clarkson, but Della. Lyman whipped his head up. He must be hallucinating. Why would she come now?
She should hate him, after what had happened. He tried to say as much, but his tongue stubbornly refused to obey.
“I—” That was as far as he could get. Nothing more would follow.
“I know.” Della crossed the room and took him into her arms. She felt reassuringly steady, though she only came up to his shoulder. “It’s all right. I know.”
“I’m so sorry. I never meant for—”
“I know,” she repeated. “It isn’t your fault. Let’s not do any of thepart where you blame yourself or tell me I need to go or any of that, all right? We’re past it now. Let’s just talk a while.”
“How can you say it isn’t my fault?”
“Because itisn’t.” Della released him only long enough to set him at arm’s length and meet his eye, her gaze firm. “I made my own decisions, and I’m responsible for them. Besides which,youweren’t the one who went spreading my name around. Mr. Wood bears the blame for that part.”
“He’s run off to hide somewhere, but I’ll find him,” Lyman promised. It was important that she know he wouldn’t let this pass.
But Della brushed off his vow even more easily than she had his guilt. “There’s no need for that. What’s done is done. I wouldn’t want you to get yourself in any trouble on my account.”
How could she be so nonchalant? Hadn’t she read what the papers had written about her? “I’m surprised you’re so calm,” he said warily.
“Why, because you expected me to fall apart?” Della cocked her head to one side, her tone somewhere between sadness and teasing. “I was meant to come around to your way of thinking and conclude that I should have lived my life following the rules and be overcome with regret. Is that it?”
“But don’t you regret it? You must. This will ruin your life, Della.”
“It won’t ruin anything unless I let it,” she shot back fiercely. “What can they do to me, decide I’m not welcome at their parties anymore? Fine. I’ll be cut. My real friends will stand by me. I don’t much care if my circle becomes smaller, so long as the people who matter are still there.”
This was so unexpected that Lyman could scarcely wrap his head around it. “But your friends will be cut too, if they continue to associate with you—”
“Hush,” she interrupted. “I’m not ignorant of the dangers. That’s why I’ve decided to go away for a little while to let the talk die down.I can come back in a year or two, once the ton has turned its attention to other things. I’ve always wanted to see the continent, so it won’t be a true hardship for me.”
She said it so matter-of-factly, she might have been discussing plans for a holiday rather than an exile.
Della slipped her hand into Lyman’s palm as she added shyly, “I was hoping you might come with me.”
“Pardon?” He must have misheard her. They’d been publicly accused of adultery. If they ran away together now, they would be acknowledging the truth of the story for the whole world to see.
But Della continued, “I’d much rather travel with a companion than travel alone, and I don’t want to have to hire some strange woman for it. You’d be doing me a favor.” She flashed her mischievous smile, bringing an ache to Lyman’s heart. How long had it been since he’d seen it? He hadn’t expected it to survive this disaster. “If you insist on blaming yourself for what’s happened even though I’ve told you there’s no need, you could even consider this your atonement.”
