Fortunately, Miss Danby was sociable enough to fill the gap. She had a bright, cheery voice and a tendency to flit from subject to subject the instant there was a lull in the conversation. “Lieutenant, what are your plans after Ascot? How long are you with us?”
“Just until the business with my death certificate is sorted out. I was granted leave to regularize my situation, but once that’s taken care of, I’m to report back for duty and I’ll be assigned to another ship.”
“How long do you expect that will take?”
“I don’t know.” Eli shrugged. “I’ll send the letters of support to our family solicitor as soon as we’re back in town. I expect it shouldn’t take more than few weeks for the registrar to reply.”
“And afterward? Do you have any notion where you’ll be sailing?”
“I don’t have any orders from the navy yet, but given everything that’s going on in China, it seems likely that’s where they’ll need men.”
His tone must have betrayed some dismay, for Jane asked, “Don’t you want to go?”
Eli glanced up the table before he replied to make sure his father was still deep in conversation. He had strong views on what he termed Eli’s “lack of patriotism.” “I’m happy to serve my country, but I wouldn’t choose that particular conflict, if the choice were mine to make. It was one thing to support rebels wanting freedom from the Ottomans, or to hunt down pirates. It’s quite another to prepare for war simply because the Chinese don’t want us turning their people into opium eaters.”
“You could ask to be discharged, couldn’t you?” Did his future hold special interest to Jane, or was she only making conversation? He probably shouldn’t hope for more, given what she’d said to him earlier.
“It’s not as simple as that.”
Regret must have leaked into his tone, for Jane watched him intently. “Why not?”
Eli felt suddenly exposed under her gaze. She could be too observant at times, like when she’d questioned his story or noted her doubts about the ransom in front of Captain Powlett. But even so, a part of him wanted to open up to her. Maybe he only wanted to atone for not confessing everything earlier. Or else the prospect of Jane’s interest in him, her understanding, was simply too strong a pull.
So he tried his best to answer her question despite his discomfort.
“I’ve pledged my service. If I were to request a discharge while I’m still able-bodied, people would assume I was a coward, too shakenby my captivity to return to duty.” It was bad enough that everyone in town knew him as the man who’d returned from the dead. He wouldn’t become the man who’d run from his duty as well. “Then there’s the need to secure an income. I prefer to keep a measure of independence, and one needs funds for that.”
He wouldn’t say it directly at a crowded supper table. That he couldn’t stand to return to his parents’ arguing. That his savings had not survived him, Jacob being in need of a grand tour to lend him some polish and a little joy after a year of mourning, and the family having no better use for the money he’d left behind. But Jane seemed to see right through him.
“Yes,” she said gently, as if he weren’t someone who’d made it through a shipwreck and an abduction and more than one skirmish in the years he’d been away. As if he needed gentleness. “It’s a practical solution for one in your position.”
She’d no doubt chosen her words deliberately. His position—the firstborn son of a landed family—didn’t normally require a vocation. She was referring to his parents, though she was thoughtful enough to couch her language in a way that would escape the others’ notice. She’d dined with them often enough in Devon to have observed several unguarded moments.
“Would you still choose it?” Jane pressed, after a pause. “If you had no need of an income and no concern for your reputation?”
“I don’t know.” He didn’t have the luxury of dwelling on such questions. He’d joined mostly to escape home and the specter of his own doomed match, and now it was too late to turn back.
But Jane’s question made him pause to examine his sentiments.
“It’s hard to compare. Life at sea is like another world. And it’s no small thing to walk away from a path you’ve been on for five years. I promised myself to Her Majesty’s service.”
He’d made a promise to Lady Kerr too. Bound himself to thewrong woman because it was the right thing to do. He’d escaped by a quirk of fate, but that didn’t mean he could make a habit of running from his obligations. Once he did, where would it stop? He wouldn’t disappoint his family again.
“We all make the best choices we can.” Jane’s eyes were so clear, he couldn’t look away. “You must follow whatever obligation places the highest demand on your conscience.”
Regret caught Eli unawares, sharp and unexpected as a bee’s sting. This was what he’d missed the most while he was gone. The Jane who cared about what he wanted, and whose cool assessment of a situation often helped him orient his own views. There was no one else whose judgment he trusted quite so well.
He’d thought he might never be graced with that communion again. Its reappearance stilled him, lest a careless word send her retreating back behind the battle lines. Their truce was still so fresh; he was scared to upset it.
“What are you talking about over there?” Lady Kerr jarred the moment with her voice.
Just like that, the connection was broken. Jane dropped her eyes to her plate, and Eli turned to shield their newfound fellowship from scrutiny. He needed a distraction. “We were talking about baby Tommy, it so happens.” With an apologetic smile to Jane, he added, “I believe I heard him say ‘mama’ earlier.”
Fifteen
The Thursday of Royal Ascot, also known as Ladies’ Day, saw some of the most important races (notwithstanding Edmund’s insistence that they were all important). It began with the Royal Procession again, then the Gold Cup—a two-and-a-half-mile circuit that boasted the largest stakes of the event: over 200 sovereigns.
Edmund screamed himself hoarse when his favorite, Caravan, won by a length. Many of the other spectators shared his jubilation, though some cursed or hung their heads, perhaps thinking of the sums they owed. By the time they piled back into their carriage to get ready for the evening, Edmund could barely speak, but he still recounted the races to Jane and Uncle Bertie the whole way back, as if they hadn’t seen it all with him.
