She had to fight this feeling. It had betrayed her once already.
“How mercenary you make me sound. I can do things for fun, on occasion.” She struggled to keep her attention on the path before them, when it was tempting to seek out the invitation of his eyes. “But to answer your question, the money goes to my brother’s bank account, at present. I hope to contribute something toward his studies at Oxford in the fall, if I’m able.”
She would have preferred to hold the earnings in her own name, if only the banks would allow a woman to open an account. But with her choices limited to Edmund or Uncle Bertie, her brother was the safer bet. His assets weren’t willed to Cecily.
“Don’t you plan to reinvest any of it in your club? Miss Danby mentioned you were thinking of renting out rooms to start a more formal association next year.”
Miss Danby talks too much, Jane reflected.
“If you already knew the answer, why ask me?”
“I only wanted to know what agreement you two have to divide things up. I’ve ten pounds five shillings in my pocket, and it seems wrong to keep it if you have an arrangement in place.”
Ten pounds five shillings! For someone too concerned about robbery to let her walk home alone, Eli wasn’t shy about announcing his wealth.
“Consider it yours now.” Jane fought to keep the regret from her tone. Ten pounds was ten pounds, and it was money she could use. But she couldn’t let Eli start doing her favors. It crossed a line. “Many of the ladies came to see you, so I suppose you’ve earned it.”
Her uncle’s house was next. He’d left a candle burning in the entrance for her as he always did, its light signaling the warmth of home through the windowpane.
“It belongs to you,” Eli insisted. “I only came tonight to try and help. I won’t have served any purpose if I take your money home with me.”
They stopped walking as they reached her door.
“Go on,” he said. “Think of it as an investment in your future business. It’s a clever idea, to strike up something like White’s and Brooks’s for ladies. Half the aristocracy would be at your disposal. I’d be happy to support it.”
“It wouldn’t be like those,” Jane replied before she could think better of it. She’d spent so much time running over the possibilities, with no one but Della to share her excitement, that the words tumbled out at the slightest provocation. “You can’t apply the same rules to a ladies’ club; we have to be far too careful about our reputations. If we let people make extravagant bets and ruin their families the way gentlemen do, we’ll be shut down within a week. It would have to be more discreet, and more—”
Why was she talking about this? Why was she sharing her plans with Eli as though he could give her advice and encouragement?
She understood now what made Della abandon her promise not to invite him. What was it she’d said?He took everything I said so seriously, not at all as if it was a girlish fancy, the way some men behave.
It was easy to forget yourself when someone like Eli offered encouragement. Handsome, confident, intelligent—if he praised your ideas, they must be good. It was a heady feeling. Eli was plying her with reassurance, and she was imbibing too freely, likely to embarrass herself before the night was done.
“Never mind,” Jane mumbled. “It’s just a thought, at present. Probably nothing will even come of it.”
And if somethingdidcome of it, she couldn’t accept Eli’s help. Even this—the knowledge that he had faith in her, that he could be her supporter—rebuilt a connection she was trying to snuff out. If Jane delighted in his praise, she would find herself wanting more from him.
“Don’t say that,” he began. “I’m interested—” But Jane interrupted before he could take the thought any further.
“Keep the money. Really. I don’t need it.”
“Jane.” His shoulders fell a touch. He looked so downcast, she almost wanted to take back her words. Eli had always hated having someone angry with him. “I know it was Miss Danby’s idea to invite me, but why not let me help? I’m not trying to be a nuisance. I only want to make amends.”
What an impossible task. There was nothing to make amends for, by any objective measurement. They’d been friends, and then he’d proposed to her cousin. If Cecily and Uncle Bertie didn’t harbor any resentment at the manner in which the proposal had come about, neither should she. It wasn’t her concern who Eli lusted after. He certainly wasn’t the only man to admire Cecily.
And yet, even as the matter was too trifling to warrant such pique, it was also too deep to ever be repaired. Maybe she simply had a bitter nature. Nothing else could explain why it still hurt.
“The best help you could give me would be not to tell anyone about the club. I haven’t shared all the details with my family yet, and I don’t want to attract attention until we’re more established.”
“Of course, but—”
“Thank you for seeing me home. Good night, Lieutenant.” She turned and let herself in, keys at the ready, before he could make any further reply. She caught a glimpse of his face, the trace of hurt in his shadowed eyes, and then she was safely ensconced inside. With the door between them, Jane felt a good deal more sure of her resolve.
Seven
“I think it might rain before we get to eat,” Hannah said, scanning the darkening sky. “We should ask the servants if they might hurry up a bit.”
“Hush,” her mother hissed, with a look to where Lady Kerr was descending from her carriage.
