She wouldn’t even give him the time of day.
Eli paced the room as he unbuttoned his shirt and pants, stripping down to his drawers. The cool air on his skin did little to calm his thoughts.
How had he ruined things so completely?
It was his proposal to Cecily, of course. He would’ve liked to call it jealousy, but that seemed optimistic, given the circumstances. Jane had never seen him as more than a friend. She’d been so businesslike whenthey studied together, her attention locked on their equations. Even when their talk strayed to more personal matters, she’d held herself strictly within the limits of propriety, never granting him a word or lingering look to suggest that another type of attention would be welcome.
If not jealousy, then it must have been a keen disappointment. A betrayal, even. That he would prove to be the type of man to succumb to base lust and take advantage of a member of her family. Never mind that Cecily had been more than willing, and they’d both indulged in too much champagne that evening. He should’ve known better.
But she was married to Sir Thomas now, and with a child to boot. If that couldn’t smooth over his transgression, what else could be done? He couldn’t turn back time, much as he might wish to.
Perhaps Jane would never forgive him. He would just have to accept that their connection was ended. He wouldn’t feel the thrill that came with breaking through her serious demeanor when she laughed at one of his jokes. He wouldn’t be the one she trusted with her fears and hopes.
The thought depressed him.
Eli continued to pace, too restless and angry with himself to attempt sleep, though it was well past two in the morning. Beyond the confines of his bedroom, the house was still. Everyone else had gone to bed.
Jane was probably in her own bed by now too, not so very far from here. It was as close as he’d been to her since he left England. He walked to the window and leaned his brow against the cool glass.
How many times had he imagined their reunion on the long nights at sea? He’d been friendless and helpless, reduced to the status of captive without even the comfort of knowing anyone was searching for him. His memories of Jane were one of the few things that had made him feel less alone. She would miss him. She would care what became of him.
He could have stopped her when she’d stormed from the library. Could have pulled her into his arms and kissed her as he’d longed to, if only to make her look at him with something other than ice in her eyes.
Eli drew a long breath, watching the glass fog over as he exhaled. He would add the idea to his list of regrets.
Four
Everyone woke late on the morning after Cecily’s rout. The family took breakfast together in the solar, as was their habit. Although some mornings it was only Bertie and Jane, if Edmund was disinclined to emerge from his adolescent cocoon. He had come down today though, looking more rested than either his sister or his uncle. It probably came of not having any responsibilities beyond meeting his tutor and horseback riding.
In contrast, Bertie was already in a state of nerves when Jane came down.
“It’s half ten,” he complained when he saw her. “Hurry and eat something, then go curl your hair. You need to look presentable before your callers arrive.”
“Are we expecting callers?” Jane paused in the act of spreading marmalade on her bread, an orange glob dripping from her knife.
“Well ofcoursewe are,” he said. “It’s the day after a party. That’s exactly when gentlemen will look in on you.”
Jane said nothing to this, for she had no desire to confess thatshe’d spent more of her evening trying to win over Lady Eleanor and other prospective guests for her club than any eligible men. Normally she remembered to engage a few friendly regulars in conversation long enough to reassure Uncle Bertie she hadn’t yet abandoned the war on spinsterhood, but last night had passed in a blur. She couldn’t recall speaking to a single gentleman.
Except for one.
“Lieutenant Williams is sure to come. Did you speak to any others? There were so many officers.”
Jane’s heart skipped a beat. Had he read her mind?
“I doubt Lieutenant Williams would call on us, Uncle Bertie,” she said, willing the pronouncement to hold true.
“But of course he will! I’ve invited him. And if he forgets, I shall go and leave my card as a reminder.”
Jane set down her bread.Why would he do such a thing?
She’d been doing very well without Eli around. She was supposed to be moving forward. Focusing on her financial independence, not childish hopes she’d long since outgrown.
But Bertie meant well, so she forged ahead gently. “Should we be so eager to see Lieutenant Williams again? His connection to this family is ended. And we’ve heard the whole story of his survival now.”
Even if she still had questions on that subject. She would let them go, so long as he disappeared from her life once more.
“But of course we must see him again. He’sfamous. This is all so exciting. Just look at the morning post.”
