“What do you think will happen when he wakes up?” I murmur.When he remembers that Rhea is gonegoes unsaid. Daje’s recollection of events, as well as Siyala’s worry for her, cast the supposed goodbye letter left by Rhea in doubt despitethe council’s protests that she left of her own free will. Normally, I would never question the intentions of a woman who had gone through as much as I was led to believe Rhea had, yet so much of this entire situation felt like reading a book with missing pages.In any case, Daje was hurt, Rhea is still missing, and Nox is otherwise incapacitated.
And I would eventually have to answer to the council about what I saw and learned in the Shifter Kingdom.
Cass draws his white-blond hair back into a ponytail, the strands draping over the hilt of his sword and the sun and moon insignia there that peeks up just past his shoulder. “I don’t know,” he says after a moment, the rawness of his voice forming a knot in my throat. “I know you didn’t really see them together, but helovesher, Bahira. And she loves him. There is no scenario where she just left of her own accord.” His eyes meet mine with uncharacteristic seriousness blazing within them. “And there is no chance Nox won’t do everything necessary to find her.”
Exhaustion catches up to me quickly, and I don’t realize I have fallen asleep until the door opens with a creak, jerking me awake as my mother and Galen step inside. The palace healer goes straight to Nox, his hands hovering over Nox’s body as his green magic pulses from his palms. I watch his expression tighten, his arms shaking as he makes his way from Nox’s head to his chest.
“Go, my rose. I will make sure you are told immediately if he wakes.” My mother joins me, and I take in her gaunt expression, her own fatigue evident. Her normally tamed curls are piled on her head in a messy array, as if she couldn’t waste a single moment to do them.
“I can stay—”
“No,” she interrupts, gripping my hand in hers. “Things are precarious right now, Bahira. Your father’s focus is needed on the council, and yours, I know, is needed everywhere else. Now go. Should Nox wake, I will send someone to get you.”
Sighing, I grab my pack from the floor and secure it on my back, my mother giving me a reassuring grin. I spare Nox one more glance before hugging Cass, and once the door is shut behind me, I take a moment to drag in a breath before heading back down the corridor to the foyer. In the silence, without Nox or my work to focus on, my thoughts drift back to Kai.
Not once before has anyone taken up so much space in my head like he has. I want to ignore the reasons as to why, but even I cannot pretend that I don’t see the facts for what they are. Kai had shown me what it was to have someone relish in all the imperfect edges that lined me. However brief it had been, what I always longed for was suddenly within my hands.And over my body and inside of me.While Daje wanted a past version of me, I had made Kai crave a woman who simply didn’t exist. I had lied, knowing the whole time that my deception would ruin everything. I packaged myself up as one thing, and when I pulled on the string that held me together, revealing what was actually underneath, he had deemed meworthless.
He was right when he said he couldn’t take the words back, but he was wrong when he assumed I was strong enough to handle them. And fucking stars above, Ihatethat all I can think about is reaching out to him again and asking if he really did seeme.Not the magicless princess or the mage or the warrior, but the woman who was melded between those things. If his hurt had found comfort with mine like I felt mine had with him. But I suppose the answers to those questions remain to be seen, at least until the Mirror is repaired. Blinking away the uncomfortable feeling that rises, I continue down the hall until I see the wooden door to the council room. Slowing my steps, Ilisten to hear if anyone is in there before taking the silence as a sign of its emptiness and reaching for the door handle.
The space is dotted in amber light from the setting sun that streams in through the windows. Nox’s magic had almost obliterated this room—could likely have toppled this entire wing of the palace if he had tried hard enough. Perhaps that is the most unnerving part about all of this; not that Nox’s magic has the potential to destroy something to this magnitude. It is thathehas the capability to do this without even realizing it.
All because he is in love with someone.
Is that the other side to love? Not the sweet and enduring tenderness of my parents, but something wilder. Something that consumes every part of you until you are inexplicably out of control. Kai’s throne room flashes in my mind, the memory making me shiver as I recall how he so effortlessly killed his uncle when the guard had overpowered me and held a knife to my throat.That’s different, isn’t it?It was a necessity, a foreign king protecting the asset of another kingdom. The lie doesn’t make me feel any better, so I turn back to inspecting the council room.
I had missed what remains of the Mirror on my earlier visit, but I inspect the shards of the glass still stuck to the wooden frame tilted against a wall now. It is said that the Mirrors were formed at the very beginning of life on Olymazi—one given to each kingdom by the gods so that the rulers could communicate with each other. It had been full of ancient magic for so long, and now it just looks ordinary. Lifeless. No longer showing evidence that it had held such power.
“One thing at a time,” I murmur to myself as I turn for the exit. Fixing the Mirror just became my first priority, followed by somehow testing my theory on the Spellandfiguring out how to get my magic.Simple. I nearly snort out loud.
I pass a plethora of guards on my way to my room, including a new one who is posted where Barron should be. We exchange quick pleasantries before I continue on towards my room, only to find Daje sitting on the ground in front of my door.
“Hey, Bahira,” he says, a morose kind of pain hidden behind a forced grin.
I return one just as pitiful. “Hey, Daje.” We stare in silence at each other, and though there is likely not a worse time to have this conversation, I know it is one that can no longer be avoided. “Let’s talk.”
Chapter Six: Bahira
Droppingmypackdownin the center of the room, I pull out one of the chairs at the small table off to the side for Daje before sinking down into my own. “How are you?” I ask, brushing my curls off of my shoulders.
“Do you want the expected answer or the truth?”
“I always want the truth from you.”
His silence lingers a heartbeat too long. “Do you?”
The corner of my mouth lifts in an apathetic smirk. “I deserved that—and likely much more.”
He breathes out a short laugh, slouching back against his chair. “I suppose I should say that I’m fine. My wounds have healed, and I can go back to whatever my life was before the ball. Before you left.” He crosses his arms over the wrinkled green tunic he wears as his brows draw down. “But the truth is, nothing has felt right since the day I watched you walk away with the shifter king.”
I force myself to hold his stare, my throat working a rough swallow as guilt simmers in my veins. With the sun having fully set now, Daje ignites new spelled flames in the glass orbs around my room. It sends light flooding over the space and right onto me, making me feel as if I’m put on display and there is nowhere to hide.Pathetic, I chide myself, sitting up taller in the chair. I have avoided this conversation for far too long, and I owe it to us both to be nothing but honest with him. Like I had told myself after the rebel attack in the woods with Kai, if the consequences of Daje’s terms come to pass,hewill have to bear the weight of that choice. Not me. Still, my heart beats furiously in my chest.
“You didn’t come home with any intention of marrying me, did you?”
“No.” My answer is immediate.
“Did you at leastleavehere with it as a possibility?”
Even at my lowest moment, before I had found any hint of progress in my experiments, considering a betrothal to Daje had always felt like a finality I didn’t want to acknowledge. A line I couldn’t cross. I hated that this would hurt him, but I hated even more that he put us in this position to begin with.
