“Are you aware of who I am?”
She takes her time answering, reading between the lines of what I’ve asked. “That you lived in the tower until you escaped a few months ago? Or that you are the king’s niece?” At the mention of my relationship to my uncle, shame forces my cheeks to heat and my gaze to drop to the window sill. Eve shifts her stance subtly and unfolds her arms as she clasps her hands together in front of her, rubbing her thumb over the opposite hand’s palm. “I only know because of Xander. The other servants and guards here know as well, but they all have been sworn to secrecy with blood oaths—some a second or third time.”
I release a rueful laugh, tucking windblown strands of hair behind my ear. “This is not something I ever wanted.” For them. Forme.
“I imagine it isn’t.”
“For a long time, I don’t think I truly understood what a home was.” Emotions knot thickly in my throat, my fingers drumming along the sill nervously. “I knew the logistics of it, of course, from what I had read in books. I could paint an imaginary picture in my mind of how it might look, what it might feel like. But it wasn’t until I left that tower that I actually experienced what it meant to have a home. To have a constant and safe place to land every night. My imagination didn’t do it justice because having atruehome is one of the most beautifulthings about being alive.” And, gods, I miss my home so very terribly.
“And you found somewhere to land in the Mage Kingdom?”
“Not somewhere. I found it with someone.” I glance at Eve from the corner of my eye.
She studies me carefully, her lips pressed into a relaxed line, but something edgier takes root in her gaze. “You sound very homesick,” she finally says.
I turn back to look at the ship, the sun having moved past the horizon. “You have no idea.”
Eventually, Eve reminds me of our schedule for the day, and we leave the room to see Lady Mia. Though the brand is covered in gauze, each step tugs at it, and I’m nervous to see what it will feel like after dance lessons. Eager to get my mind off of both the brand and the fact that I let Eve see a vulnerable part of me, I ask, “How do you know Xander?”
“We met when I first started working at the castle,” she says, lacing her hands together in front of her white apron. “He helped me acclimate to my new surroundings.”
“Really?” I don’t hide the surprise in my tone, and it draws a light chuckle from Eve.
“I know he is a little rough around the edges, but outside of his role to the king, Xander cares for others. At least more than anyone else in his station does.”
I hear her surety, that she believes what she says, but does she know all that his role entails? Would she still have that appreciative look in her eyes if I told her everything he bore witness to? How his hands were also stained with Alexi’s blood? She may have identified me as this kingdom’s true heir, but she had no idea what my life beneath the king’s rule had entailed. No idea just how sadistic said king could be. Though a part of me wants to disprove everything she claimed about Xander as true, a different voice stops me.
The best piece of advice I can give you, Little One, is to remember that, oftentimes, when we think we have seen everything at face value, there are still pieces lingering in the dark.
I can’t treat Xander as if the past never happened, but I also can’t discount the fact that, like me, he is trapped. His cage may be bigger and less intimate, but does any of that matter to the person locked inside it?
I sigh as we round the final corner that leads to Lady Mia’s and then suck it back in, my steps faltering when I see Xander himself waiting by the door.
Chapter Thirty-Four: Rhea
“LadyRhea.Eve,”hesays in greeting as we approach.
“Xander! We were just talking about you,” Eve says, her cheeks lifting high with a smile. He regards us both with what seems like only mild interest, his gaze then casting out into the hallway.
I notice that he isn’t wearing any armor today. Without the bulk of the gold that all the guards wear, this is the first time I’m seeing him ashim. I’m not sure what I expected him to look like beneath, not that I had given the idea any thought, but I’msomewhat surprised by how…sturdyhe is. His chest is broad, and the muscles of his arms are well defined. He takes up space as if he needs more than what is necessary for one person, the notion making me snort as I finish looking him over.
“What?” he asks, a brow arching.
“Nothing.”
Eve watches us with a smirk that borders on full delight before clearing her throat and gesturing with her hand. “Are you here to help Rhea learn some waltzes?” she jokes with a laugh, the noise dying along with a little part of myself when he doesn’t refute her assumption.
“You’re here todance?” I ask, far too loudly.
He lowers his brow, facing contorting into resignation. “Unfortunately.”
“But the king…” I trail off, resisting the urge to look over my shoulder in case I find him lingering there like a malicious spirit. Eve looks down at her feet as Xander’s gaze hardens.
“He is busy planning with Simon for the rest of the day. He also requested that should you need a dance partner beyond Lady Mia, I be the one to fill the role.”
I frown as I meet Xander’s gaze. King Dolian is jealous beyond reason. Why would he suggest that Xander—a guard as Nox had been—be my dance partner? Before I can ask just that, the door to the room opens, and Lady Mia throws her hands exuberantly up into the air.
“Are we hosting lessons out in the hall today?” she asks, pointing a slender finger at me. “You! Come. And you too.” She points to Xander before spinning on her heel, sending her red dress fluttering out around her ankles.
