“Nope. Go ahead.” I wait until she turns back towards the water before pulling it off, grimacing. We’ll be able to buy all new supplies and clothing when we reach Bragos. All except for the books Elora had brought. Unfortunately, those were priceless. She had remained utterly silent as we rode away, her body stiff as a board. Even now, her movements are jerky as she scrubs at her hands beneath the water.
“You know what’s funny?” she says as I kneel next to her, dipping my shirt into the water.
“What?”
“We are trained for most of our childhood and into adulthood to fight. To defend ourselves. We choose a weapon as our specialty. We have mock battles and sparring sessions with our peers. In theory, we are taught how to take a life without ever assuming that we’ll actually need to.”
I tilt my head to the side, cleaning my shirt as I ponder that. “I suppose that is true enough, though—”
“But what wereallyshould have been training for is what happensafterthe fight.” She sucks in a breath, a desperate laugh coming from her as I glance her way. “All this time spent on preparing for the action. On besting your opponent, and yetnoone tells you that after you dojust that, you feel different.” My eyes move to where she is scrubbing at her hands in the water, the skin on the backs of them bright red. “Isn’t that funny? Someone tried to kill me, tried to kill my friends, yetI’mthe one who is left to feel bad.I’mthe one who is wondering if this haschanged who I am fundamentally as a person. If I’m now likethemand have no regard for someone else’s life and—”
“Elora.” My hands close around hers, jolting her out of her spiral and forcing her eyes to meet mine. They’re rimmed in red, a sheen to them suggesting that she’s either been crying or trying her very best not to. Her bottom lip trembles as her breaths flit in and out of her, a blush rising to stain her cheeks.
Swallowing, I look down at our hands in the water. My darker ones cradling her fair ones as I stroke my thumbs over the raw red marks left by her nails. Carefully, I lift them from the water before resting one hand on her thigh and inspecting the other.
“The fact that you’re asking these questions proves you are nothing like them. That your compassion is still very much intact.” I keep my gaze on her delicate fingers, rubbing my thumb over each one as I check to see if there is any blood remaining. “What we had to do back at the inn was a matter of life or death. You did what you had to in order to protect not only yourself but Cass and I. And you did. You protected us.” Laying her hand down, I gently pick up the other one, beginning my examination of it. “Feeling conflicted about ending another’s life just means that you value it. But those men did give us a choice: kill or be killed. And while I hope we don’t have to experience anything else like that again for the rest of our days, I can say confidently that you made the right choice.” I hold her hand longer than I need to, longer than necessary as my gaze rises to meet hers. She stares at me through her glasses, the cadence of her breaths softer now. “Your hands are clean,” I tell her, gently laying the other one down.
“Thank you,” she whispers, the words just barely audible as they pass her lips. Her hand lifts, cold fingertips brushing near the angry purple skin at the front of my shoulder. “This must have hurt.” I watch as her gaze travels down my exposed skin slowly, nerve endings that have nothing to do with thebruise there burning brightly at the way she is looking at me. Something fragile and heated stretches taut between us when our eyes meet again, my throat working with a swallow as she bites down on her bottom lip.
“Friends, you’re lucky I’m fabulous at everything I do! First time hunting, and I’ve caught us a worthy meal!” Cass’s voice snaps us out of the moment, Elora blinking quickly and adjusting her glasses before pushing herself up to stand.
“Thanks for—”
“Of course.” I give her a small smile and return to scrubbing my shirt, listening as Cass excitedly recounts his hunting tale to Elora. I force myself to focus on the next task at hand—getting to Bragos. From there, we’ll be within a few hours of the northern fae beaches and be able to cross the Spell. The events of earlier are only a stark reminder that I need to keep my head—and emotions—in check.
At any moment, death could be lingering around a corner waiting for the perfect opportunity to strike. I can’t afford any distractions; none of us can.
Chapter Ninety-One: Daje
Itisearlymorningwhen we finally reach our desired crossing point into the Fae Kingdom. Cass keeps his weapons within easy access as he goes through the Spell first, followed quickly by Elora and myself.
We had replaced our clothing and replenished our supplies with new packs in Bragos the day before, dropping the horses off at a stable until we returned to get them. Then we traveled on foot late into the night, only stopping for a few hours of rest in a secluded part of the forest where the branches hung low enough to shield us from passersby. Still, I doubt I am the only one who hadn’t managed to fall asleep for longer than a few minutes before my eyes would snap open and I’d survey our surroundings looking for a threat.
We continue northward without trouble, but as the new day bleeds into night again and we set up camp to catch a few hours of rest, the sense that we are anything but safe has embedded itself deep in my mind. We keep our fire small, just enough to give off a small amount of heat as we lie around it. Wrappedin a brand-new, thick wool cloak, I lie with an arm beneath my head and stare up at the small break in the trees to the starlit sky above. Elora has fallen asleep first, and her normally chatty nature still hasn’t quite made its return since our battle.
Stirring from where he’s lying by my feet, Cass turns onto his side, propping himself up on an elbow. “Can’t sleep either?”
“No.” Even with how exhausted I am, I can’t quite seem to let my guard down.
“Me neither.” Sighing, he pushes up to sit cross-legged before pulling out the map Sadryn gave him. His finger taps against it, and I quietly sit up so as not to disturb Elora where she lies a few feet away. “According to this, the first part of the beach for us to explore should only be another half day’s journey.”
My gaze tracks the lines of the rivers, roads, and markers of what lies in the Fae Kingdom. Our information is over two hundred years old, the last mage to have been welcomed here would have been before the war. But though some things could have been added in that time, it isn’t like the landscape is capable of changing too drastically. That thought brings me only a modicum of comfort.
“What are the odds we’ll stumble onto the beach and find what we are looking for right away?” he asks, and I can’t help but snort.
“Basically zero.”
“Ah, come on, Daje. Have a little optimism. We’ve managed to get this far on our dragon quest! That can’t be for nothing.” Though a smile graces his face, I see the doubt etched into his expression.
“Optimism should be reserved for things that have no bearing on whether we live or die,” I counter, leaning back on my hands. “Things like choosing a new meal to eat at a tavern or investing in a new piece of furniture.”
“I don’t know. I’vedefinitelyseen my life flash before my eyes while enjoying a certain kind of meal on furniture.”
I roll my eyes and send him a glare. “Is fucking all you know how to talk about?”
Cass mocks offense, a hand going to his chest. “I can also sword fight—”
“Enough.” I recline again, the top of my head near Elora’s softly breathing body, her dark purple cloak wrapped around her like a cocoon.
