“Good morning to you too,” I counter, lowering the hood of my cloak. My hair tickles the tops of my eyebrows, the longest I’ve had it in a while. I brush a hand through it, tugging the strands back while exhaustion stings my eyes.
“Nox—”
“I’m surprised to see you here and not at your workshop.”
“And I’m surprised to see you waltzing in as the sun is rising.” She sniffs the air as I pass, her nose crinkling. “Smelling like alcohol. Where were you?”
Misplaced frustration boils to the surface, and I avoid my sister’s gaze as I answer, “Nowhere.” She plants a hand on my bedroom door, blocking me from entering. My gaze is harsh when I turn it towards her, drawing a frown to her lips. “Bahira, move.”
“Tell me where you were, where you’ve been going, Nox. I know you aren’t sleeping all night in your room.”
“Your observational skills are truly unmatched. Well done. Nowmove.”
Her jaw clenches as she tilts her head to the side. “That was rude.”
“You don’t need to concern yourself with me—”
“Oh, spare me this conversation, Nox,” she snaps, leaning into my space. “Ever since I’ve been home, you’ve made it impossible for me to do anythingbutconcern myself with you.”
The tension in the air draws tight, and Idespiseit. Bahira and I have always been close, her sound advice and steady presence one that I’m grateful for. But for what I’m planning—for what I need to do—I can’t have her sucked into it. Just because I am willing to become a monster doesn’t mean she’s deserving of the same fate by association.
“You are about to be theking, so the self-sacrificing attitudehasto stop.”
“I'm not a puzzle for you to solve, Bahira.” Her eyes narrow but not before I see a flash of hurt. My throat constricts, the throbbing between my temples intensifying despite the latest dose of medicine. “I’m not here to makeyourlife easier. I’m going to do whatever I need to get Rhea back. Like I told you from the moment I woke up, there is nothing and no one who can stop that from happening.” I reach for the door handle and then swing it open, watching as her chest heaves with a frustrated breath. “Call me selfish. Self-sacrificing. Anything and everything in between. I don’t give a shit. But donotstand in my way.”
She steps back and lets her arm fall to her side, her chin lifting in a way that shrivels me. “You can attempt to push me away, but I know who you are, Nox.”
Turning away from her, I pause beneath the doorframe, my hands on the edges to hold me up. “No. You know who Iwas.” Then I step into the room and shut the door behind me, leaning against it as my heart races. I wait until I hear her walk away before I take a seat on the bed, picking up one of the dragon stones from the bedside table that Rhea imbued with her magic when she was practicing.
The stone is warm, the faint gray glow at the center making me wish I could sense the magic that is emanating from it—if only just to feelheragain. I clutch it to my chest and lay down, my gaze on the ceiling above me.Hang on, I whisper in my mind.I promise, I’m coming.
Part Five
Love is a funny thing, isn’t it? It has the potential to make people tip over into either a better version of themselves or something worse.
Chapter Eighty-One: Rhea
Awedding.
There was a point, not all that long ago, that I might have preened at the idea of planning a wedding. That the mention of such a thing would have made my heart flutter instead of having it fall to my stomach. I suppose there are a lot of things about my life that I thought I would be excited about that now just seem obsolete.
The days following what I had done in the throne room proceeded in a blur of healing the king’s army in small groupsand being forced to participate in preparations for myupcoming wedding. The servants are wary of interacting with me, but a few take pity and explain what is to be expected as they ask for my approval on things I cannot even drum up enough energy to form an opinion on. They assume my quiet demeanor is due to being overwhelmed with marrying the king. They can’t possibly know that this entire ordeal is nothing more than a funeral procession and that each task they check off their list as they unknowingly prepare me to marry my own blood is nothing more than another step towards an already dug grave.
I move through the motions, certainly not blaming them for doing the job the king demands. I numbly try on a dress that is wrapped in shimmering white fabric. I let them pick a veil to match and simply nod to whatever flowers are put down in front of me. There is a cake tasting with the king at my side, every single piece as flavorless as the air that surrounds us. I can hardly find it within me topretendto be present, only doing enough to not incite his wrath. I might have found it worth it to fight him every step of the way before, but Ihadunderestimated him.
I had so foolishly assumed my uncle’s cruelest measures were reserved for only me, and he had somehow proven that to be both false and true.
My defiance had destroyed the lives of so many others—a child completely innocent in all of this. A servant only trying to help me. Tienne and Immie. Sterling and his wife. In the end, that defiance destroyedmetoo. Who I am—all of my desires and wishes—has been washed away in the wake of what I couldn’t stop from happening. He had taken those seeds of hope I had so carefully planted and torn them up one by one until there was nothing left. I want to blame him fully—to scream that his attempts to break me have finally worked. And yet, even in that recognition, there is another truth. One that reminds me all ofthis could have been avoided had I just trained with both halves of my magic. Had I not been lured out sofuckingeasily by my love for Nox and my own ravaging guilt over Tienne’s death.
If I had spent the time I was freeactuallydoing the hard things instead of just leaning into everything that felt easy and secure and safe, then maybe, the lives of those who I had irrefutably changed could have been different.
Myownlife would be different.
Reflecting on the past is a foolish endeavor, and I’ve already proven my inanity a hundred times over. Blood still stains my hands just as permanently as the brand has altered my hip.
Sitting on the settee with silver moonlight pouring over me, I stare out the glass slider to the dark sky above. Rain rhythmically pelts the castle, a bone-piercing chill accompanying it. Wrapping my silk robe around my body, I clutch the fabric tightly, wishing my hands were holding something else.Someoneelse. I had whispered to him in my mind so many times lately, only one question ever asked—where are you?
There has been no news from the Mage Kingdom, nothing Xander has shared as he walks with me to meet the next round of guards waiting to be healed. His attempts to talk to me about anythingotherthan Nox are met with quiet but steadfast disregard on my end. It is rude—bitter—of me to still find it difficult to talk to him, but even if the heat of my angerhasbegun to cool, the truth is that I just don’t have the energy to engage inanyconversation. What did it matter when it was just us coming to the same conclusion over and over again? Xander claims he wants to help me but hasn’t been able to figure out how he can yet. I want to escape, but there is no answer to getting the ring off. To somehow finding the loophole in the king’s commands that are keeping me here. Until we have a solution toanyone of those questions, everything else seemsinconsequential. Just another cog in the wheel of my torture here.
