I can also admit that I am frightened by it—by its strength and the way it seems to grow stronger with each passing day. I fear the darkness that lurks within me and how it might seep out when my guard is down. Despite Nox’s warning, this is one subject I refuse to yield on. Maybe once I had more control, I would tackle learning how to wield thatdeathmagic. So each day he leaves to visit the council, I practice using my light magic while he’s gone.
Despite the way tension lingers on him when he returns from the meetings, he is sweet in his encouragement of me, reminding me that with the dragon pendant on, I can explore anywhere I want without drawing attention to myself. That everyone knows who I am to him and this knowledge brings its own level of protection for me.
I am no longer confined to a prison of stone or behind guards with blood oaths. The only person stopping me from living a life I want ismyself,but I can’t seem to get out of my own way. Each attempt I make at stepping past the threshold of Nox’s room is met with my breath seizing in my chest and my hands growing clammy.
Even now, I stand in front of his door with my fingers reaching towards the handle, unable to close the distance. Dropping my hand back to my side, I huff out a breath and tilt my head back to look up towards the ceiling.Try. It’s a word I keep coming back to, one that Selene said to me in the Middle, that Nox had said might be the only way forward.Just try.Such an annoyingly simple thing that felt unfathomably difficult to do.
Grinding my teeth, I lower my gaze back to the door. “Try,” I whisper to myself. “For them. For Nox.” Reaching for the handle again, my fingers grip and twist it, the door opening as I pull it towards myself. “For them. For Nox.”
My heartbeat quickens, rattling around my ribcage as I force myself to move. One step. Then two. I practically leap past the threshold, quickly shutting the door. The gold of my bracelet glints beneath a spelled flame, catching my eye.For Alexi.With my stomach in knots, I take another step, the soles of my flats quiet against the rug that runs the entire length of the hallway.
Rooms filled with elegant furniture that look like they are meant for friends to gather in glide by in my periphery, but I don’t stop to truly look at them. I’m afraid that if I do, I might not be able to keep going.
There’s a guard who stands at the end of the hall whose name I had learned is Barron. “Hello, Lady Rhea,” he says, dipping his head as his hands clasp behind his back. “Can I assist you with anything today?” His light gray eyes look kind, and the dark brown skin around them crinkles when he smiles.
“I don’t know,” I reply, clearing my throat when he cocks his head to the side. “I mean, I think I’m going to just go for a walk around the palace.”
He surprises me when he asks, “Do you need a guide?” Shifting his position so that his body isn’t blocking the stairsanymore, his dark leather armor creaks quietly with the movement.
A guide would be nice, and it would ensure that I don’t get lost, but I know that I need to do this alone. Nox said my healing wouldn’t be a linear thing, that I might take one step forward and three steps back, over and over again. Eventually, I have to hope that the steps forward will outnumber the steps back. I have to keeptrying.
“No, thank you,” I answer, tucking the loose strands from my ponytail back behind my ears.
“Then I hope you have fun. Should you ever need anything, please don’t hesitate to ask,” he replies, stepping back a little more to give me space to pass.
I study Barron’s features more thoroughly, noting the small strands of gray that are woven into his braids, white also showing in the short beard on his broad jaw. He’s an older guard, perhaps somewhere around Alexi’s age. I swallow against the sudden burning in my throat. Noting my hesitancy, he holds his hand out, an offer to help me get to the first step. It eases a little of that churning anguish within me. Feeling a little more settled, I continue down the stairs, another guard stationed at its base offering me a tight-lipped smile when I pass.
The foyer to the palace is bustling, and I watch as mages carry trays of fresh food or folded laundry to one of the many other corridors. Others hold conversations with each other while some disappear around corners that Nox had shown me—but that I’m sure I cannot navigate again on my own.
My steps are tentative as I grip onto the light green-colored fabric of my dress, the wide doors of the palace entrance growing larger as I near them. I hadn’t studied the carvings on them before, and without any sort of plan now that I’m out of Nox’s room, I let my gaze roam over their details.
A tree is depicted, the middle of it perfectly split where the doors open. The tree’s trunk is wide and nearly limbless, except for at the very top where branches stretch out in all directions. The roots mirror the branches, growing near the base of the doors and out to their hinges.
Above the canopy of the tree, the carvings look like small “x”s stacked on top of each other in opposite directions. No… Not “x”s.Stars.They are carved stars, big and small, made to look like they are flickering. My eyes track to the top right, where a crescent moon is depicted, and then to the left, where a sun with wavy flares sits in exact opposition.
A chill blooms across my skin as I suck in a sharp inhale. “Look to the east and trust the stars over the ancient trees,” I murmur to myself.
It is no coincidence that I am here, in this kingdom specifically. Selene couldn’t alter my fate, but I realize that she tried to guide me in her own way. I was alwaysmeantto be here, perhaps even meant to be with Nox. My fingers ease their hold on my dress as the notion that I’m right where I’m supposed to be begins to etch its way into my mind.
With my confidence now higher than when I stepped off of the stairs, I turn and make my way to the one place where I might already have a new friend waiting for me.
I go to see Elora in the palace library.
Chapter Forty-One: Rhea
Elora huffs a breathwhile setting another stack of gathered books onto the desk, shaking the tiered tray of cookies. When I questioned the tray with a raised brow, she had lamented that, “It isn’t a proper book club meeting without treats and drinks!” I am not complaining though, as the cookies are some of the most divine I have ever tasted.
“I can’t believe you’ve never had chocolate chip cookies before,” she says, dotting the corners of her mouth with a whitenapkin after taking a bite of the sweet. “Theyarethe most basic ones.”
I find Elora easy to talk with, her demeanor one that makes up for the lull in conversation that sometimes occurs in my presence. I don’t want to lie to her, but I know that for my safety—and Nox’s too—I can’t tell anyone the truth of where I come from. Of who is likely still searching for me and willing to do whatever it takes to get me back.
“I was very sheltered growing up. This is the first time I’ve had tea too.”
“What?” Elora’s voice echoes out into the quiet library, making Rayna sigh in exasperation as her gaze meets ours over the top of her book.
“Libraries are to be enjoyed in silence, you two. If you must talk, then do soquietly.” The wrinkles around her eyes deepen as she squints them at us. I’m fairly convinced the only person she actually likes is Nox.
“Sorry,” we both murmur at the same time.
