“Better?” he teases, and I roll my eyes at his playful smirk, poking his abdomen. His fingers trail down my side and into the hollow of my waist, his features easing the longer he looks at me. “I love you.”
Those words are like sunlight to a flower that has only known shadows. I feel them take root within me, feel them as easily as I feel my own heart’s steady rhythm. I smile, wide and unrestrained and just for him. “I love you, too.”
Smiling back, his exhale is slow before he asks, “Are you in any pain?”
“I’m sore, but,” I pause, kissing the tip of his nose, “I would do it again.”
He barks out a shocked laugh, wrapping his arm around me so that I’m flush against his chest, my own laughter filling the room. And how wonderful it is, to laugh so easily while in his embrace. To feel so complete and whole andloved, if only for a moment.
“That sensation earlier was our magical signature,” Nox says, his fingers draping over my hip.
“What is a magical signature? I’ve heard you use that term before.”
“Rawmagic leaves its energy in the air around us. You have to become attuned to it, learn to pick it up out of the chaos of the natural world, but once you do, you will always feel it. Mages both have a signatureandcan pick up on others’.” He pulls me closer to him, rolling again until we’re off the bed and I’m cradled in his arms. Walking to the bathroom, he sets my feet down on the cold tile as he reaches over and turns the water tothe tub on. “And I will tell you more about itafteryou explain to me again what the Middle is.”
Part Two
What if healing—whatever that looks like—isn’t something that is possible for me?
Chapter Twenty-Six: Rhea
Showering with Nox whileI try to tell him all about the Middle and Selene proves to be quite difficult. Partially because I don’t want him to think I’m crazy, but also because, when he slides his soaped-up hands over my body, I forget how to speak. Eventually, I find the right words and tell him of my first visit there, what Selene said to me, and my instructions to go east.
“Do you think she specifically meant cominghere?” I ask him, my eyes closed as he massages my scalp with shampoo.
“It certainly seems that way,” he answers, leaning down to kiss my cheek.
I continue, recapping every moment of my time there and leaving out only the details of how I usually went to the Middle after a beating from the king. My fingers tremble when I tell him about that cold, ancient magic. How Selene believes it to be a part of me, a mirrored half to the light magic. He hugs me when I break down over how terrifying it was to feel that magic flood from me, how it didn’t wait to be used but seemed to search for a moment of weakness to unleash itself. My voice grows steady again when I tell him that it was his declarations of love that brought me back and allowed me to cease using the shadows. He cradles my face in his hands, his lips finding mine, as he whispers that he’s sorry over and over again.
And I repeat that I forgive him.
There is another hurt that lingers in his smoky eyes, one that I know he won’t bring up but that my time in the Middle makes me anxious to atone for. “I’m sorry,” I say.
Nox frowns, his brows furrowing together in confusion. “You don’t apologize to me for—”
I place my fingers over his lips, gently stopping his words. “I know there is an imbalance between us when it comes to, well,everything. You’ve had a normal life—” He makes a snort of derision at that. “Alright, amorenormal life, even as a crown prince, than I have. I know that I do not always say or do the right things. And I don’t think you should give me a pass on any of it just because—”
“I love you?” he interrupts with a curling smirk.
“Yes,” I say softly, dropping my fingers. “I can’t stop thinking about what I said to you before. How hurtful it was. How, after everything you did for me andwithme, I didn’t even let you explain your side fully without condemning you first. You deserved better than that.”
One of his hands moves to tangle in my hair at the back of my head, his hold on me firm. “You were allowed to feel whatever you needed to at that moment. I won’t let you be the martyr in a situation that was brought onentirelyby my actions.”
“AndIwon’t letyoubear the weight of something that you had no control over.” Nox’s eyes close, acknowledging the change in the conversation from me to Alexi. “I do not fault you for his death,” I add with a whisper.
He nods, his forehead coming to rest on mine. There’s a perceptible shift in us both, the smoothing over of some of the abraded edges of our hearts. I know Nox feels guilt about Alexi’s death, but it isn’t until now that I recognize how deeply that wound had cut him too.
We finally leave the warmth of the shower, Nox running over to Bahira’s room to grab me some clothes while I dry off. Once dressed, we dine together at the small table in the sitting room, my body already void of any tenderness.
“You’re curiously calm about the fact that I just told you I subconsciously visit a magical place,” I say around a bite of fresh strawberry. The berry might be my new favorite food, its sweet and tart flavor dancing along my tongue.
Nox shrugs, his hand squeezing mine from where he holds it across the table. “It doesn’t seemsofantastical to me. Our magic is raw—both part of the Continent itself and yet something completely different. Perhaps stronger magic runs in the familial line of whichever parent you got it from.” He tilts his head to the side in thought, the movement rustling his hair. “The palace healer thinks that, because you haven’t trained with your magic, it’s a little more wild and unpredictable. Especially because you are now at the age where our magic peaks.”
I trail my fingers over the soft fabric of the skirt Nox chose as I contemplate his words, its dark blue color offset by golden stars embroidered throughout. A matching top, the straps thinand front cut into a V shape that is lower than I’ve worn before, fits perfectly to my body. Clothes made for me, indeed.
“Whatever the reason, I’m just grateful that theotherhalf of my magic has never been used before.” It may be a part of me, but that doesn’t mean I have to give it any access. As if in answer, bitter cold perks up within me like a chunk of frozen water sliding down my sternum before it settles back down again.
“It has.” The words are said so quietly, soreluctantly, that it takes me a moment to realize Nox is responding to what I’ve said.
