“And I suppose it doesn’t matter whatIwant?” Logically, I understand what he’s saying, and there is a part of me that even recognizes how devastating it is for him to say those things andmeanthem. But it angers me—this idea that I could want anybody else after knowing what it is to be loved by him. “You have already ruined me,” I accuse quietly as a tear tracks down my cheek.
He watches the tear fall, a small frown forming at my insinuation.
“You have completely andutterlyravaged my heart so that it will not beat for anyone else. I could not evenconceiveofanother marking it the way that you have. It is a broken, jagged thing, andstill, it beats for you.” I take a step towards him, forcing him to hold my gaze. “You broke through the many shields I had placed around myself becausefeelinghurt too much. Exposing myself toanykind of love only resulted in my further ruination. Until.You!” I gasp the word out, sucking in air through my clenched teeth as I point at him. “And despiteeverything, I find myself unable to stop loving you. Unable to imagine an existence without you in it. You have thoroughlyruinedme, and for once, it is an invisible scar that I amhappyto carry. That Iwantto be marked with. And you’re telling me now that you don’t want me?”
His face softens, his shock morphing into something else—an emotion I can’t exactly identify. “Rhea—”
“I’m not done.” I begin to pace as I cross my arms over my chest. “There is a place called the Middle. It is space between worlds that, somehow, my magic gives me access to. In this place, I can see billions of stars, millions of galaxies swirling all around me. I’ve even been toldgodswalk among them. That’swhere I was—where my consciousness was—these past six days. I was in a space within universes, a magical place not seen here on Olymazi, and still, I thought ofyou.” I wipe my tears roughly as I try to gain some composure. It feels like a dam has burst and now I’m awash in the flood, everything I want to say rushing out of me all at once. “And I’m sorry.I’m sorrythat I ever made you feel like anything less than what you are—my protector. My friend. The only person I have ever wanted to own my heart. The only one thatdoes.Youare my home.Youare my haven. And I’m sorry. I’m sofuckingsorry because I understand. I do,” I cry, gesturing around the room but referring to the kingdom as a whole. To the people he spent the last four years of his life in a foreign kingdom protecting.
I crave the attention of his star-flecked eyes and the desire I know he can ignite within me. For the touch of his hands and softness of his lips. But even more than that, I ache for the way he looks at me like I truly am the sun. The moon. The stars. I’mdesperateto be everything he thinks of me. That desperation defies logic and paints my world in a frantic shade of gray instead of clearly defined black and white. Nox had hurt me, and yet I loved him. He had lied, and yet I understood. He is giving me a chance to walk away for something he perceives to be better,and yetI want no one other than him.
My words are spoken more softly as I tell him, “I understand why you lied, why you kept secrets, because I have kept them too. But loving you is the easiest decision I was ever given, the easiest one I have ever made.” My eyes hold his as I notice the faint tears gathering in them. “I forgive you.”
I expect those three words to have a cost when I speak them. The broken and defeated part of my soul says that I need to put myself in a new prison, one where the walls are made up of Bella and Alexi’s sacrifices and held together by my need to make sure they weren’t all in vain. I know that they wouldn’t want thatfor me though. They would want me to live and to love and to be selfish about both in ways I don’t understand but intimately crave. There is only one other person who has ever wanted those things for me too.
“If you still want me, I am yours.”
Nox doesn’t move—doesn’t take his eyes off of me while seconds drip by, each one more painful than the last. Maybe I’m too late. Maybe he has already made up his mind and— He closes the distance between us, his warm hands gently framing my face while my own reach out tentatively towards his chest, our bodies hardly separated by an inch.
“Say it again,” he rumbles, the sound sending shivers down my spine. “Say that you’re mine.”
“I am yours.Onlyyours.” I intone it like a prayer—a benediction to a man I’ve thought was godly on more than one occasion.
His lips only graze mine at first, their softness drawing a small whimper from me. Then his restraint snaps, and we crash together in a maelstrom of pent-up desire and longing and love—so much love. Like the striking of a match, I ignite from my toes to the crown of my head under his touch. It had only been days since we kissed, nearly a week while I was in the Middle, but doing so now is like finding water in a drought. Ineedit, needhim.Nox guides my lips with his own, his remorse evident with every movement. He’s relentless in the way his tongue slides into my mouth and against mine, like he’s trying to map out every single part of it. I’m drowning in the way he makes me feel as if there is something worth living for when all I’ve ever known before him is the opposite. But I’d happily suffocate for this—for him. My hands slide up into his hair and grip tight as I pull him even closer, a soft moan vibrating from my throat.
We separate for just a moment, my lips tingling and chest heaving. “I love you,” he says, leaning back in to softly kiss mebefore his mouth slides over the curve of my jaw. My head tilts back while I arch my neck, giving him access to any part of me he wants. He can have it all. “There is only you, Rhea.Only you.”
“I love you,” I rasp back, my hands sliding down from his hair to dig into his shoulders. “Nox, I love you.”
His teeth find my earlobe, a growl—low and deep—rumbling in his chest. It sends a shock of desire through me, my thighs clenching together as an ache builds in my core.
“My name from your perfect lips is a godsend.” His warm mouth moves down my neck, this fervor growing between us the longer he teases me with his teeth and tongue. Each touch from him is kindling to that burning fire within me—even my magic pushes against my skin like it’s being drawn closer to him. His hands grip the backs of my thighs, and he picks me up with ease, my legs wrapping around his torso as he squeezes our bodies together. He kisses back up my neck and over my jaw at an unhurried pace, his lips then hovering above my own.
I cradle his face with my hands, each rush of air past my lips fanning the flames of my desire. But looking at him is like peering out at the ocean at night, the stars reflecting on its surface. It’s easy to get lost in his beauty.
We’re being honest, so though my heart kicks up its rhythm at the thought, I give voice to the words dancing in my head. “I want you.”
His smile is so soft, so full of affection, that it draws out one of my own. “You already have me.”
“No,” I reply, my head shaking. “I wantallof you.”
His brows draw together for a moment in confusion but quickly give way to understanding, his eyes darkening with hunger. “Rhea, are you sure?”
I know he won’t continue unless he believes that I’m absolutely positive, and I don’t want him to doubt this moment at all. So, forcing myself out of his hold, I grab his hand andguide him into the bedroom. Soft golden light from the morning sun filters in through the windows that line the wall adjacent to his bed, shining directly onto the dark green comforter there. I don’t take in much else about his room, my attention fixed on him as I motion for him to sit on the bed and then crawl onto his lap. I kiss his cheek. His jaw. My hands sliding down to his neck and over his shoulders.
“I want this. I wantyou,” I say against his skin, my tongue darting out to drag along it. I moan at his taste—earth and spice andhim. “I wanted you in the tower, when I dreamed of your body pressed against mine. I wanted you when I touched myself and fantasized it was your hands instead of my own.” My cheeks heat at my words, at the way my voice doesn’t sound like myself.
“Fucking gods.” Nox draws me closer to him, the movement giving friction to my core and making me gasp.
Lifting my gaze back to his, my nerve-endings alive and tingling with desire, I push every ounce of certainty I can into my voice. “I wanted you when you gave me my first kiss and showed me what it was to be consumed by passion. On the bank of the river, I wanted you to take me right there on the ground. And at the inn, when I could feel your desire for me so strongly, I wanted youso badlythat I would have given youanythingin return. I would have bargained away my very existence if it meant having you in the way I so desperately wanted. None of those feelings have changed. If anything, I want youmore.” My eyes bounce between his, and I hope he can see it in my gaze—the depths to which I love him. “Explore me,” I whisper. A summoning. A statement. Aplea.
Nox breathes out slowly, his hands moving up the sides of my body and resting just beneath the curves of my breasts. I have kissed him so many times, and each of them have felt like a new beginning, but now, as his tongue glides into my mouth and my breath falters with each gentle swipe, I know that this momentmight be more pivotal than them all. Desire licks up my spine and entangles with my humming magic.
When we separate again, I’m ready to push him down on the bed and undress him myself. But his expression turns serious, and his eyes become uncompromising. “We stop at any moment you want to. No questions asked.” I nod in response, already knowing he will only continue as long as I am enjoying it. His throat works before he leans in close, his lips grazing my ear. “I am going to worship you as thoroughly as you deserve, Rhea, and I am going to take my time doing it. I want to touch you—totasteyou—so desperately that I’m willing to give up things I never imagined I would.”
My heart batters my ribcage at his words.
“But you should know two things. The first is that you are in control here.Always.” His eyes hold mine, specks of silver shining in them like a shattered star. “Your first time can be painful.”
