“This is Sarai. She is the lady-in-waiting for my mother and someone I deeply trust. She has some things for you.” He stepsback, the distance only a foot or so, but he might as well have leapt across a canyon.Why won’t he look at me?
“Hello, Lady Rhea,” Sarai says, stepping into the space Nox left. “I have some new clothes for you as well as some shoes. I can get them all put away for you if you’d like?” She waits for my small nod before she enters, and I watch as she heads down a short hallway that must lead to a closet, her arms full of colorful fabrics and a black sack.
Looking back at Nox, I chew on my lower lip, my next inhale a struggle. “How late in the day is it?” With the sunlight so obscured, it’s hard to accurately gauge what time it is.
“Early evening,” he answers, still not meeting my gaze. “I am going to let my parents know that you are awake and that we will need some time to figure things out.”
My fingers twine together in front of me, my throat burning as I fight to clear it. “Okay.” He dips his chin, turning on his heel to walk away from me. “Wait,” I croak out, halting his retreat. My mouth opens—to say what, I don’t know.
My lack of experience with relationships and interacting with others has never felt like a burden with Nox. He has so effortlessly made me feel like he never finds me inadequate, and yet now, with his back to me and his shoulders rounding under the devastation we both must be feeling, it’s like he doesn’t have it in him to make up the difference between us anymore. A defeated Nox, ahopelessNox, isn’t one I’ve ever seen. It’s one that I’m not sure how to speak with.
“There is a place I’d love to show you a little later if you’d like—”
“Yes,” I answer quickly.
Nox finally meets my gaze over his shoulder, and my heart shatters at the way he looks as if he’s breaking. At how we both are.
My magic rises, pushing me to go to him. To wrap my arms around him as if that could fix us, but I keep my feet rooted in place, reaching for that space in my mind that I used to hide every hurt within. ThatIused to hide within. It isn’t there anymore; not like it was. It’s as if being in the Middle somehow gave me a clean slate. I had the space and time and freedom to process every facet of my life, but I didn’t knowhowto. And the man that I thought would be the one to help me is looking at me like he’ll never see me again. Like I’m already a memory that he’s being forced to let go of.
“Take your time getting ready and eating. I’m sure my sister has some books tucked into a bookcase that will help you pass the time until I get back. Or you are welcome to wait in my room.” He turns to face me fully then, a hand running through his hair. “I want you to know that you aren’t a prisoner, but withyour magical signature being so strong, it’s safer that you remain on this floor for now.”
“Safer?”
“I promise to explain everything,” he says quietly. He gives me one last look before turning and heading towards the stairs, and I watch him walk away, a hollow feeling blooming where my heart should be.
Sarai appears from the small hallway, her hands clasped in front of her. I take in her long braid hanging over the shoulder of her emerald-green dress, the brown hair broken up by strands of gray. Wrinkles deepen the corners of her mouth as she smiles.
“All of your new clothing is put away, including your sandals, flats, and boots. We had to guess on the measurements for some of them, so if something doesn’t fit properly, just let me know.”
My brows furrow as I clear my throat and ask, “What do you mean by guessing the measurements?”
Sarai blinks, as if the question surprises her. “The prince didn’t want anyone near you beyond what was necessary, so Icouldn’t take the proper numbers needed to tailor your clothing. I had to guess. I’m sorry if—”
“Oh, no, please don’t apologize. I just…” I drop my gaze to the floor.
“Are you alright, My Lady?”
The use of that title ushers in the memory of Tienne and Erica, their soft voices and even gentler hands taking care of me after Alexi’s death. Gifting me dresses because my own collection was so ill-fitting after owning the same ones for the better part of a decade.
“The clothes you brought, where did they come from?” I sincerely hoped they didn’t alter Bahira’s clothing to fit me. Not because I am ungrateful, but because Bahira didn’t seem like the type you wanted to make angry. And I wasn’t sure she agreed to let me not only use her room but have her clothes as well.
“I’m sorry, My Lady?” Sarai asks, taking another step towards me.
“The clothes,” I say slowly, lifting my gaze. “Whose were they before you altered them?”
She blinks again, giving a small shake of her head. “They were made for you specifically. By order of the queen.”
It’s my turn to stare in surprise. “The clothes were made forme?”
Sarai chuckles, gently patting my shoulder as she walks towards the door. “Indeed, they were. Should you ever need anything, My Lady, don’t hesitate to flag me down. I can usually be found on this side of the palace on the second floor. I’m sure His Highness can show you where.”
“Thank you,” I manage to squeak out.
Sarai smiles warmly at me before continuing down the hall in the same direction that Nox went.
I shut the door to Bahira’s room, my heart pounding as I head towards the closet. When I step in, I shouldn’t be surprisedby how whimsical it looks, like someone carved into the trunk of a tree simply to hang clothes, but I am. One side of the closet is sparse—only a small collection of clothing hanging on metal hooks, most of them dresses. The other side, however, is lined with colorful fabrics and styles I’ve never seen before. Dresses, yes, but shirts with matching skirts and trousers that have shimmering embroidery also hang from hooks. Shoes line the floor beneath the clothes, and in the corner, the top drawer left slightly open as if to beckon me in for a closer look, is a small dresser. Inside are undergarments, the styles and colors much bolder andlacierthan anything I’ve ever owned.
With nothing else to do and my emotions teetering on a sharpened edge, I take a shower and dress, then wait on the balcony for Nox to come.
