“You think I don’t trust you?” he asks, emotion strangling the words as his face begins to crumble. “Rhea—gods—you are myeverything.”
“I do not doubt yourlovefor me, but I thinktrustingme means that you would understand why I told Elora. That you would understand we are on an island of our own making, and while we have each other, it’s still anisland.” I gasp for a breath, a sob shaking my shoulders as it shatters the tension betweenus. “I need a lifeline ofmychoosing. I want a friend ofmy ownto share this burden with. Just like you have in Cass. And Elora has known forweeksthat I’ve been lying to her and has donenothingwith that information!”
He doesn’t say anything at first, his dark gaze flickering as his eyes bounce between mine. “I am just trying to protect you.”
“But this doesn’t feel like protection! It feels likedrowning.Like I’m—” I stop myself before I say the word, but Nox reads it on my face anyway.
“It feels like I’m suffocating you.”
The anger drains from me nearly as quickly as it came. “Lies and secrets do not make impenetrable shields, Nox. At some point, they are going to turn into weapons; ones that we may no longer wield.”
He stills, nothing moving beyond the rough working of the column of his throat as regret shines in his glassy eyes. His devastation is palpable, and it chills me further to the bone with every second that passes.
“You’re right,” he relents, hardly any sound to his voice. “You’re right, and I’m sorry.” His gaze falls to my feet as he looses a haggard breath. “Even with years spent living under the ruse of being someone else, I have never felt less in control than I do now. I keep trying to anchor myself back into my role as the crown prince, as a son and a friend. As someone that is strong and worthy of you, but instead, I find myself angry that you can’t roam this kingdom as your true self. Angry that a council that shouldn’t have a say in our relationship keeps finding ways to. Angry that your bastard uncle has tarnished your freedom by hurting someone who could have given you information about your mother, all because she helpedme.I am terrified that others might pay that price. Or thatyouwill. You have been through so much, and I wanted my home to feel like it could beyours too.” A single tear escapes as he lifts his eyes back to mine. “I am angry, and I am scared, and I amlost.”
My feet move without my command, closing the distance between us until his body is held close to mine. “I’m sorry too,” I rasp, squeezing him tightly to me as my arms wrap around his neck. “I’m sorry for pushing to speak with the council, only to make things worse. I’m sorry that I haven’t reassured you more that the only thing I need to feel like I am home isyou.” Leaning back, I wait until his eyes meet mine, my hands gently cupping his face. “If you are angry, then let me soothe you. If you are scared, then let me be your comfort. And if you are lost,” I whisper, lifting up on my toes. “If you are lost, then let me be lostwithyou. Aftereverything, my love for you is not composed of fragile dedication. It is all-consuming, ever-present, andunshakable. I don’t want you to be afraid to tell me when you are struggling, even if I am the reason why.”
“What if this is to be the rest of our life? Fighting with the council and having to hide parts of ourselves from them?” he asks, his arms snaking around me.
I close my eyes and breathe him in. “Do you want to be king?”
A few moments pass before he whispers, “I would like to rule with you.”
I smile, softly gliding my lips against his. “Then we take it day by day, remember? And we cannot isolate ourselves. We need to let the people who care about us into our lives too. Without fear.”
Nox nods, and though he breathes easier, his body droops as his hands grip onto me tightly. I cannot let him break—not when he’s saved me from my own ruination so many times before.
“Come on,” I say, my hand finding his as I lead him into the bathroom and start the shower. Steam begins to billow out, fogging the mirror as it surrounds us. My fingers work the buttons of his tunic, releasing each one and exposing his bare chest beneath. When I’ve reached the end and begin to unbucklehis belt, Nox lays a hand over mine, his brow raised in question. My cheeks heat as I shake my head and admit, “I’m not asking forthat. I just want to take care of you.”
He slowly releases my hand, surprise etched on his face. Has no one ever offered to do that? To care for him in the way he so selflessly does for others?
My undressing of him is tender and affectionate, and when I’ve peeled all of his clothes away, I gently guide him towards the shower before stripping myself of my dress and undergarments. Nox watches me as I step in and reach for his soap, lathering it on a cloth as the rich scents of earth and spice mix into the warm air. I wash in gentle sweeps over his shoulders, arms, and across his chest before walking around to his back.
“When I first saw you, I thought you were the most beautiful person I had ever seen,” I confess, lowering the cloth over his perfect backside and down the length of his legs.
“Well, as you reminded me that morning in the woods, you hadn’t seen very many people.”
I snort, and though I can’t see his face, I can picture the smile that is gracing it. “I’ve seen more people since then.”
“And you now know the error of your ways?” he taunts.
Soap drips down his body as I stand and walk around to his front, gratification suffusing me when I see his lips tilted upwards. “And I still think it’s true.”
“I was stunned the first time I saw you,” he says, his fingers trailing lightly up and down my arms. “You looked so different from the image I had in my head because of the king’s lies.” He had told me as much in that moment.You aren’t what I expected.I watch him as he reminisces, reaching up to brush away the wet strands of hair that have plastered to his forehead. “And you were so clearlyterrifiedthat I didn’t know exactly what to do or say to not make you more so.”
“I think you handled it well enough, from what I remember.” I was still suffocating in the throes of grief after Alexi’s death then.
He smiles though there is a somberness to it. His lips caress over my temple, lingering there for a moment before pulling back. “And then, when you came down those stairs, I caught you staringveryintently at me.”
I roll my eyes, slapping his chest with the sudsy cloth before laying it down. Stretching for the shampoo, I stop short when I realize that I can’t properly reach the top of his head. “I think you’ll have to do your hair.”
Nox doesn’t hesitate as he lowers onto his knees, his hands resting against my lower back. “Not exactly how I hoped to get on my knees before you today, but where I belong nonetheless,” he says quietly.
I run my hands through his hair before leaning down to kiss the top of his head, all while he rests his forehead against my sternum. It’s silent once more as I shampoo him before lathering my own hair. Still kneeling before me, Nox washes my body with his hands, his reverent touch coaxing me further into the depths of the emotions welling inside of me—the ones made to glow by what it means to behis.
It solidifies the truth that I will never share him with anyone else, even if only in name. I didn’t think myself to be a selfish person. But for him? Forus? I will be. My magic hums happily at the thought.
“Haylee pulled me aside after the meeting.” I speak while I drag my fingers slowly back and forth over his shoulders, his muscles relaxing with each swipe. “She offered to marry you for show so that we could be together in secret.”
