He sat there for a few more minutes, just looking at Reid as if he was memorizing him. As he stood, he scooped Reid up like he weighed no more than a feather, and I followed him into Reid’s room, pulling the sheets back and letting Gabe tuck him in. It was such a small act, but it had pressure building in my chest. And I suddenly wanted to be past this, to have my happily ever after and to have it with Gabe. To have him there every night, tucking Reid in with me.
“I should go,” he said, shoving his hands in his pockets and leaving the room.
Closing Reid’s door, I trailed Gabe. “Thank you.”
“For?” He stopped in front of the door. There was so much sadness in his expression that my breath hitched.
“For tonight. For sharing it with Reid. It meant the world to him.”
“It meant the same for me,” he admitted, his vision on the floor. “This is hard, Tori.” His throat bobbed as he looked back up at me. “You’re so close, but the distance is still there. I want to hold you, to make love to you, to have you look at me like you used to. Without the shadow of distrust, without the hesitation.” He scraped his hands through his hair. “And I don’t know how to get back to that. And Reid…I want to claim him as mine. To declare it to the world that he’s my son.” His voice fractured, and with it, my heart. “If I could take it all back, erase it all from both of you, I would. But I never can.”
I bridged the gap between us and pulled his head down, kissing him as his agony merged with mine. We were both scarred, damaged by the circumstances that had shaped our relationship, and neither of us knew how to proceed because we’d carried those wounds for so long.
His hands encompassed me, bringing my body into his, and I let myself revel in the safety of his arms. Home. That’s what it felt like with Gabe. Like returning home after trudging blindly through a storm. He was warmth and security, a cozy blanket and a raging fire. He had been my everything until he wasn’t, and now he was back, and I didn’t want to go through that storm again.
“I can’t do it again, Gabe.”
He halted our kiss and gazed at me, devastation resting in his eyes.
“You can’t leave me in the storm again,” I rambled as my tears rushed free. “I don’t think I’ll survive this time. I barely survived the last time.”
“Storm?” he asked, creases lining his eyes.
“The storm you left me in, to find my way out, to clear away the damage. I can’t do it again because this time it will kill me.” He wiped my tears away as I continued. “I loved you too much, and…I still do, so please don’t let me go into the storm again.”
His hold on me tightened, and I turned my face into his chest, smelling his scent and letting it strengthen me.
“I will never let you go again, luna mia. Never until the day you tell me to go.”
I buried my face further into him. “I won’t tell you to go because I can’t survive without you, not now that you’re back.” Raw and honest, the admission stung because I prided myself on being a strong, confident woman.
He pushed me away so that he could see my face. “You survived all those years. Raised our son, built a career. You can survive whatever comes at you.”
“But I don’t want to if you’re not by my side.”
He kissed my cheek, kissing every tear until they were dry. “I’ll be here, and I’m not going anywhere ever again. Where you go, I go. If you want to leave this life and live in the country, I’m there. Return to Florida, I’m there. Move to Europe, I’ll follow. Because I lived my life without you for too long, and every day was like a knife tearing through my flesh. I won’t live it without you again.”
His declaration soared through me, fortifying the crumbling structures that were only now repairing. Brushing his lips over mine, he said, “Goodnight, Tori.”
“Goodnight.” I watched him walk to the elevator, casting a glance back at me before it opened and took him from me.
Sleep was a struggle, my mind on Gabe and his words, the emotions gripping my chest, the possibilities and the fear. I rolled to my side, staring at his side of the bed, the side I’d left empty no matter where I slept. I wanted him there, taking up that space again, but fear had me in its grip. As much as hiswords assured me, they were ones he’d told me before. And even though I knew the truth, the hesitation was still there, the sting of loss still fresh. I’d spent years trying to erase Gabe’s hold on me, and I had failed.
I rolled back over and looked at my phone. It was midnight, and I was too awake to sleep. I dialed Cindy’s number, knowing she’d be awake since it was only nine in California.
“Tor? Why are you calling me so late? What’s wrong? Did that asshole do something else to you? I told you not to take that job.” I’d made the mistake of telling her Gabe was my new boss. It was too hard to keep things from her.
“No, he didn’t do anything. I’m just…I can’t sleep.”
“Why can’t you sleep?”
I heard her boyfriend’s voice then a quick, “It’s Tori.”
“Noah says hi,” she told me. I could hear her walking through their house.
“Tell him hi back.” I pulled myself into a sitting position, the light from the phone flickering on the engagement ring I’d been unable to take off. It was on the other hand, but the weight of it was a reminder of the future that seemed so close that it was almost unreal.
“What’s wrong, Tor?”
