“Oh, that’s like the one that takes me to school.”
“The same one,” he answered, helping Reid in as the driver held the door open for us.
Gabe stood aside to let me in, but I heard Reid say, “Can you sit next to me, Gabe?”
“Uh…” He looked at me, concern lining his forehead.
“It’s fine.”
We stood there frozen, our eyes locked and my pulse thrumming until the driver cleared his throat. As I climbed in after Gabe, I realized I hadn’t been this close to him yet. Our thighs brushed, and shocks raced through me. Panic climbed into my throat. I shouldn’t have done this, but there was no going back.
Reid dominated the conversation, enamored with Gabe’s presence and knowledge of cars. They talked cars the entire way to the zoo as I stayed rigid, fighting how the sound of Gabe’s voice brushed over my soul, waking parts of me that had died the day he’d left.
I fared no better the rest of the morning. While Reid monopolized the conversation, something I was thankful for, there were moments when I cracked and found myself too relaxed with Gabe. Returning to a time when we had spent the day at the Jacksonville Zoo, stealing kisses and holding hands. A time when he had been my everything and his mere touch could melt me. Longing built, pushing aside the anger at his secrets, at what he’d done to me. A longing to go back to those days.
“He’s a good kid,” Gabe said as we watched Reid run around the play area.
“Yeah.” I picked at the popcorn Reid had requested, hating how it took me back to that day with Gabe.
“I’m sorry, Tori. Sorry I let you down. That I left you to raise him by yourself.” His voice went quieter. “That I left you.”
“Yeah,” I repeated, anguish swelling inside me. “But you did, and you can’t take it back. The scars will always be there.” Iglanced at him, meeting pain-etched irises. “He doesn’t know who his father is. Doesn’t understand why I can’t give him answers. Doesn’t understand why other kids have fathers but he doesn’t. The other kids teased him at his old school. Told him his father didn’t love him and that’s why he didn’t know him.” I looked away, knowing I was close to breaking. “Do you have any idea how hard it was to tell him that wasn’t the truth when it was?”
“Tori, I…”
I put my hand up. “Don’t, Gabe. You left me, not the other way around. You stopped loving me, and you don’t love him. I have to lie about that every day. I have to tell him I’ll explain when he’s older every time he asks about you. Not because I don’t want to tell him the truth but because…” My voice cracked, and a tear broke free. “…it hurts too much to admit.”
“Tori—”
I got up from the bench, intending to get Reid and leave, but Gabe grabbed my hand and turned me back to him. He had stood and now looked down at me. So much agony misted his eyes that I doubted my words.
“I never stopped loving you, Tori. You must believe that. I didn’t leave you because I stopped loving you. I left because I loved you too much, and it…”
“It what, Gabe? Tell me the truth, please. Just this once, stop with the secrets.”
“Mommy, are you okay?”
I sucked in a breath, knowing the moment was gone. This had been my chance, and it might never return.
“Please,” I pleaded as Reid tugged on my pants.
“I can’t.”
The strength fled me, and I ripped my hand from his grasp. “Everything is fine,” I told Reid, sniffing and rubbing away the tears. “I got a splinter in my hand, and Gabe was getting it out.”
“Can I see?” He took my hand, inspecting it.
“There’s nothing left to see. It’s gone.”
He kissed my palm. “All better?”
Laughing, I replied, “All better. But it’s time to go. We need to go back and get ready to see Uncle Cash.”
“And eat cake?”
“Yup.”
He hopped up and down. “Do you like cake, Gabe?”
