Doubt seeped in, crushing my spirit. In my overzealous need to make this work, to get to the end when I had specifically drawn the line in the middle, I had let my emotions dictate the moment, never thinking it might not be the right moment for Gabe or even Reid.
I looked up to see Cindy’s understanding eyes surveying me.
“Did I mess up?” I asked her.
She scooted from her seat and sat down next to me. “You were never one to keep a secret, Tor. You get too excited, and it just spills out. I know why you told him, and I agree with you. Reid needs to know Gabe is his father. But maybe it should have been a mutual decision between the two of you to tell him. You’ve been running on your own for so long I think you forget what it’s like with a partner.”
And that’s what Gabe was. No longer was I a single parent. There were two of us in this now, and I needed to remember to include Gabe when I’d never had another voice to help guide me on my parenting journey.
She rested her head on my shoulder. “It’s still early, Tor. You’ll get the hang of it. Just take it slow. You two rushed in headfirst when you were younger. Take your time so there’s no chance anything will come between you again.”
I laid my head on hers, thinking she was right. Slow. It had been Gabe’s motto when we’d first started dating, and he was willing to let me direct the speed this time. Had allowed me to speed it up after I’d insisted on slowing it down. As much as Iwanted to leave the past behind, I needed to keep it present so I would remain hesitant. Otherwise, there was a chance I would blindly rush back in and not savor the moments that built to our inevitable.
Chapter 33
Gabe
Tori seemed off, almost distant, for the rest of the trip. I noticed the change when I returned to the living room with her brother, and it hadn’t faded. She sat across from me with Reid, who was fixated on a movie on his tablet, his headphones on as the plane took us home.
“What’s wrong?” I asked, causing her head to swivel from where she was absently staring out the window.
Azure blue struck my chest like the snap of a rubber band.
“Nothing. Why do you ask?” She gave me a smile, but it seemed forced.
“Because you’ve been off since yesterday. Did I do something?”
Her expression faltering, she replied, “No.” She rubbed her arms, and I could see the nerves. My stomach plummeted, and the urge to vomit churned within it. “It’s something I did.”
Eyes narrowing as I tried to figure out what she’d done, I waited for more.
“I said I needed us to take it slow, but when I’m with you, that’s so hard to do. I want us to be back to where we were so badly that it’s making my thinking irrational.”
Scooting forward in my seat, I took her hands in mine. “I want us back there, too, but I won’t sacrifice that chance by pushing you. Is that what I’m doing?”
I had thought I was taking my time. After all, she was the one who had suggested this trip, who seemed to fluctuate between middle ground and end. I tilted my head and only then saw the conflict she was describing. The hesitation was still there, and I didn’t resent it even if I hated it. She was trying to put it aside, and when she was with me, she could, but it wasn’t right, and she knew it.
“I’ve been an idiot,” I said. “If this is too fast, you need to tell me, Tori. I can’t read your mind.”
“No, Gabe. It’s not you, and you haven’t done anything wrong.” She let out a fractured sigh that gutted me. I had done this to her, and I despised myself for it. “I’m sorry I told Reid. I should have let you have that conversation.”
Scrunching my brows, I said, “He’s been your son all this time. It wasn’t my right to make that decision. It was yours.”
She glanced at him, but he was still in his own world, paying us no attention.
“But I need to stop thinking that way. I’ve done this by myself for so long, it’s hard to think of someone else as part of our life. As someone to make decisions with.” Taking her hands from mine, she sat back and pulled her knees into her chest. “I’m afraid of messing this up.” The confession was a mere whisper, with the power of a scream.
I rose and sat in the seat beside her, turning her body toward mine. “That burden should be mine, not yours. I’m the one who needs to prove myself. Who needs to earn your trust back and show you I’m worth your love. Not you, Tori. You didn’t mess this up in the first place. I did, and it’s mine to fix. If we’re moving too fast, if you want me to back off, just tell me.”
She dropped her head onto the seat. “I think we should slow down.”
“Then that’s what we do. The last thing I want is to push you away.” I hid the tremble in my hands, the nerves that threatened to turn me from the powerful man I was to a shriveling mess of emotion—terrified, hurt, sad, anxious.
“Okay. But I want you and Reid to spend time together. Alone, just the two of you, so you can talk to him. He knows now, so it’s too late for me to take that impulsive decision back, but he needs to hear it from you, not me. That wasn’t my right.”
Reid spread out across my seat, resting his tablet on the wall.
“It was only ever your right, Tori. I haven’t earned any rights with regards to him.”
