When she lifted her tear-filled eyes to mine, it gutted me all over again. “Did I-Imisssomething?”
“No.” I shook my head. “You didn’t miss anything, Haley.”
Her breath hitched again. “I-I don’t know why I’m so—it’s nothing I haven’t seen before.”
“Loss is always hard, but it hits different when you’re the one calling the shots. And it’s a hell of a lot easier to blame yourself because of it. But you did everything right.”
After a few quiet moments, Haley slowly stood from the ground. She wiped her cheeks only for more tears to fall as she shook her head, dropping her eyes to the pavement. “He was so damn young,” she choked out in a whisper.
“I know. But that doesn’t change the fact that you did everything you could.” I didn’t think as I cupped her face and tilted her head, forcing her gaze to meet mine. “Listen to me. It’s not your fault. What happened was entirely out of your control, and there wasnothingthat you could have done differently that would have changed the outcome.”
I knewexactlywhat she was feeling. And I said the exact words to her that had been said to mecountlesstimes over the past year.
At that moment, I wished I could take my own damn advice.
I pulled her to me. My arms wrapped around her shoulders as I tucked her head beneath my chin, and I felt her hands come up, resting on my back as she returned the embrace. And,goddammit, having her in my arms like that felt right in all of the ways itshouldn’t.
“What do you need?” I asked quietly. “What can I do to help you feel better?”
She was quiet for a moment before speaking, her voice a low murmur. “Tell me something real.”
I let out a breath, feeling my lips twitch as I thought for a moment. “I bought a kayak the other day.”
A tearful laugh escaped her as she drew back from my arms, lifting her hands to wipe her cheeks again. “Whoa. Pump the brakes. You’re getting pretty personal now,” she quipped despite her current state.
The corner of my mouth lifted as I subconsciously reached out to brush away a lingering tear from her cheek with my thumb. I knew I shouldn’t be looking at her the way I was, touching her in a way that felt like more than a simple gesture of comfort…but I couldn’t seem to help myself, either. But then, I heard the small breath that left her as she stared up at me, and I suddenly dropped my hand back to my side.
She took a small step back, her eyes never leaving mine. “Thank you.”
I swallowed before clearing my throat. “You’re welcome.”
I spent the next week thinking about that shift at work. Not just that moment I shared with Haley in that alleyway, but what I’d said to her about that patient we lost—not she,we, because at work, we were a team.
Nate had been telling me for months now that what happened to Noah wasn’t my fault, and while I still struggled to believe that, something about offering the same advice to Haley had me contemplating things more than I ever had before.
After going back and forth all week, talking myself in and out of it several times, I took the ferry into Charleston early Saturday afternoon.
I’d been parked on the side of the quiet suburban road for the last twenty minutes, staring at the house across the street,the guilt and nerves churning my stomach. I rubbed my eyes as I let out a shaky breath…then finally exited my Jeep. My steps felt heavy as I crossed the street and walked up the pathway and onto the front porch of the ranch-style home. I lifted my trembling hand, hesitating for another moment before I rang the doorbell.
The seconds felt like hours as I stood there, when suddenly, the door opened.
Melanie’s eyes went wide when she saw me, and she let out a breath. “Blake…”
I couldn’t speak. Because as I stared at her, my vision blurring, all I could see washim.
Then, she moved, stepping forward and reaching up to pull me into a hug. And a wave of sheer relief hit me.
Because I knew, even if I still blamed myself,shedidn’t.
“I’m sorry,” I choked out. “I’m so fucking sorry, Mel.”
For what happened.
For losing him.
For being a coward and vanishing.
“You havenothingto be sorry for,” she said, her voice trembling. “Nothing.” She drew back, looking up at me, her hazel eyes filled with tears, but her expression stern. “Do you hear me?”
