I turned, heading back toward the bar, but I glanced over my shoulder. “Goodnight, Blake.”
“Goodnight…”
I felt another flutter in my chest at the low rasp in his voice. It made me wonder…but I quickly pushed the thought aside as I rounded the corner out of the parking lot.
This was why having a hopeless romantic heart wasn’t always a good thing. We had a tendency to fall quickly and idealize connections, some that weren’t even there but only conjured by our unwavering, unrealistic minds.
I pressed my palm against my chest over my racing heart. “Down, girl.”
Over the next several weeks, Blake and I kept things between us strictly professional. Even when we shared lunch breaks at work, our conversations were work-related. Sometimes, we’d mention things about our mutual circle of friends and family, but it wasn’t often. At least, not from him, it wasn’t, which seemed strange.
Something was off with Blake.
I noticed it happening gradually, like a shadow slowly stretching at dusk. He became quieter. He appeared lost in thought more and more. Where he was typically in his element at work, he now seemed on edge. He appeared vigilant, but almosttoo muchso. And I swore there were a few times where I’d see him, and it was like he was someplace else entirely before he’d snap out of it.
Something was going on with him, but I didn’t know what. And I didn’t think he would tell me, of all people, if I asked.
I was sitting beside Marie at the nurses’ station, charting on a critical patient that was just brought in via ambulance, when I glanced up to see Blake stepping out of the room after doing his assessment.
He walked up to where I was sitting. “We’re going to do a full workup.” His voice was quiet and tired-sounding.
I looked up at him and nodded, searching his eyes like I was going to find the answer to what was going on with him there. “Okay. Did you want X-ray to come down for a portable or do you think they’re good to be taken up?”
Before he could respond, Dr. Tomblin rounded the corner. “Ah, just the people I was looking for,” she smiled as she approached the two of us. She looked at me. “You should have your license in the next two to three weeks, so I’m in the process of getting everything set up for you so it’s all ready to go. And I’m going to assign Dr. Pierson here to be your preceptor.”
Blake and I slowly looked from her to each other. Beside me, I didn’t have to look to see Marie grinning with her back to Dr. Tomblin—the huff of quiet laughter she let out was more than enough to tell me.
“Um…are you sure I’m the best person to–”
“Of course I’m sure,” Dr. Tomblin interrupted. “You have the experience just like anyone else, and you two work well together. I just wanted to give you a heads up. I’ll make sure to go over everything with you and what you’ll need to do before and during taking her under your wing.”
Blake was already off-limits before because he was my brother’s best friend. At least, he wassupposed to beoff-limits.
Now, he was going to be my damnpreceptor.
Chapter 17
“It’s beena year this month…right?”
I sat across from Nate during therapy, staring at a spot on the floor with my arms folded across my chest. Maverick was lying at my feet—Nate said I was more than welcome to bring him to his office with me for my sessions, which was a small comfort.
A damn year.
Nate said it might be part of the reason why I had been feeling so up and down. Because I was subconsciously trying to block out the anniversary of the event in the weeks leading up to it. But the closer it got, the more I felt myself start to spiral.
I started to shut everyone out again, without even realizing I was doing it at first. I hadn’t seen anyone since the wedding except Gabe. I mainly talked to Lucas and Wes over text, and my replies grew shorter and less frequent. I declined invitations to Tuesday trivia and Saturday nights at The Sandbar. Usually, I blamed work or being too tired, but my brother noticed. Gabe, sensing something was off and remembering the anniversary,put two and two together. He asked about it more than once, but I brushed him off each time. That only made me retreat further. I didn’t want more questions or the others getting involved.
My hypervigilance was at its peak again.
The flashbacks started back up—one moment, I was in the present, and the next, I was kneeling in the dirt of the duty station, looking down at Noah. And they didn’t stop there. They plagued my sleep in the form of nightmares, waking me in the middle of the night, drenched in sweat with ragged breaths.
And the combination of everything was bleeding into work. Just like before. Just like I feared it would. I was able to snap myself out of it quicker than before, but that didn’t change the fact that it was happening again.
“Blake…?”
I lifted my gaze to Nate’s. “Yeah…” I cleared my throat. “A year this month.”
“And you’re struggling with it.” Not a question but a statement. I tensed my jaw. “It’s to be expected. You’re still grieving as well as working through the guilt you’re carrying…guilt that’s not meant to be yours.”
