“Aye,” Cicely agreed, and then she laughed. “I was a little fool, wasn’t I, Jo?”
“But you do like him, don’t you?” the queen pressed her friend.
“Aye, I do,” Cicely admitted. “He is very different from Ian.”
“Blessed Mother, leave your former husband, God assoil him, inthe grave, Ce-ce! No man wants to hear the virtues of his predecessor,” the queen advised her friend.
“But they are similar, at least where Glengorm is concerned,” Cicely said.
“And in bed?” the queen queried softly.
“Different,” Cicely admitted. “Ian took a special care of me. Kier is almost demanding. I’m not quite certain what he desires, Jo.”
Joan Beaufort laughed softly. “I think he probably wants you to love him,” she said. “Jamie learned from Sir William that when Kier was a very young man he fell in love. But the girl’s father didn’t consider him worthy of her. I believe it hurt him, and I think he was ashamed because of the circumstances of his birth. He never again professed tender thoughts for any female. But I can see it in his eyes when he looks at you, Ce-ce. He wants more than a respectful and dutiful wife. Can you give that to him?”
Cicely sighed. “I loved Ian, but never in the way he loved me. And after his death I felt so guilty about it. Ian offered me everything he had to give. His heart. His name. His child. And while I cared for him, my passion was not great. Now I am brought to the altar again with another man. He is fierce, and he is passionate. He excites me. I believe I could fall in love with him, Jo. But he scorns me. How can I offer my heart to such a man as that?”
“Then you have come to an impasse, Ce-ce. Ian was a special man, but most men are more like Kier. And all men are babies. They will dash into battle without fear of death, but they are terrified to tell a woman that they love her. And heaven forfend that a woman hurts their feelings. Then it becomes impossible for them to speak up. Unless, of course, the woman speaks up first,” Joan Beaufort said. “If you come to love Kier one day then you must tell him so, Ce-ce. Only then will he admit what is in his heart for you. And believe me, it isn’t dislike.”
Cicely sighed. “We are of an age, Jo. How did you become so wise? James Stewart loved you from the moment he laid eyes on you. Andyou had no trouble loving him back. My father always claimed to love my mother, and those who knew them attested to the fact that he did indeed love her. Ian loved me, offered me that same love, but I demurred until it was really too late. Why, I wonder, did I do such a thing?”
“When your father sent you to our foster mother, perhaps you felt he was rejecting your love,” the queen suggested.
“Nay!” Cicely denied. “I understood why it was necessary for him to do it. He was saving my life, Jo. My stepmother, Luciana, truly hated me.”
“Your stepmother made him choose between you, Ce-ce. And your father choseher,” Joan Beaufort said. “Your practical nature excused the Earl of Leighton’s choice because you loved your father, and would not think badly of him. But at that moment your perceptions of love changed. How could they not? Love between a man and a woman, however, is a totally different thing. To love you must trust. Both you and Kier have lost faith in love because neither of you can trust in it. That, I suspect, is why you found it so difficult to love Ian, to accept his love. Mayhap you feared to lose Ian’s love one day. But now either you or Kier must take the first step if you are to discover the joys of love again. And you will also learn when you can love once more that passion with love is far more wonderful than just passion.”
Cicely looked at the queen curiously. “I don’t know how it could be,” she said.
“What did you do after you shared your passions?” the queen asked.
“I complimented him on his skill; then I got up, washed myself, dressed, and came down to the hall to see to my guests,” Cicely replied.
The queen laughed. “Oh, dear,” she said.
“Jo, it was dawn! I would not be a good chatelaine had I not come down to see to my guests,” Cicely defended herself.
“Was Kier of the same mind?” the queen inquired.
“Nay, he was not,” Cicely told her friend. “He wanted us to stay abed. He said no one would think the worse of us for it, since we were just wed yesterday.”
“Aha!” Joan Beaufort said. “There is certain proof that he is falling in love with you, Ce-ce. If you would but encourage him just the tiniest bit, you could be as happy and my Jamie and I are.”
“You want me to be the first to say ‘I love you’?” Cicely said. “But I don’t love him, Jo. And the only care he has for me is as the mother of his sons.”
“He’s falling in love with you,” the queen insisted. “I know a man in love. Stop being so damned dutiful, Ce-ce, and let yourself fall in love with him. And when you do, tell him, and put the poor man out of his misery. Ian Douglas loved you, to be sure, but this Douglas will love you as well if you will just allow him to, dearest. Did our foster mother not love her King Henry? And he was her second husband. She wanted him, and she made no secret of it. That is the example you need to follow. Now, promise me that you will at least try, Ce-ce.”
Cicely laughed. “I promise,” she said. Reaching out, she took the queen’s hand and kissed it. “I am so glad we remain friends,” she told Joan Beaufort. “Are you making friends among the Scots ladies at your court?”
“Some are pleasant, but the truth is, I find they serve me best by what they have overheard. Some come to me, but with the others I just listen. I prefer to make my friends among the men. They are the allies the king and I might need one day. James is very outspoken, and offends without meaning to do so. Sometimes I can soften what he says, and soothe the ruffled feathers of his nobles.”
“The king always said he meant to rule Scotland as it had not been ruled in many years,” Cicely remarked.
“And he is, although several in his family have suffered for their past behaviors, or those of our near relations. He has instilled fearin his nobles by executing the Duke of Albany and his two sons, his own kinsmen. He has sent the Earl of Strathearn and the master of Atholl to England to stand hostage until his ransom is paid. He holds his nobles responsible for his long sojourn in England, and now he punishes them for it.”
“But if he hadn’t been so long in England, or had returned to Scotland as a lad, he probably would have been killed by his uncle, who was not loath to kill his elder brother, David,” Cicely responded.
Joan Beaufort laughed. “I know. But James’s logic is his own. And he has begun to restore the courts, make new laws that aid the common folk, punish those who would break those laws, and strengthen the coinage of the land. And by taking back royal lands from those who ill-used them, he helps to increase the treasury. Government cannot function without hard coin. Sometimes when you are doing good things you must also do unpleasant things as well. And it does not always rest easy on his conscience, I know. That is why it is so important that I have a son, Ce-ce. The Stewarts will not be safe until I give Scotland some heirs. Jamie’s grandfather had a second wife, Euphemia Ross, and she gave him sons too. There are those who would supplant my husband with one of those young men, if they dared.”
