I tried, but the air wouldn’t come. My chest tightened with every breath I tried to take, and my vision blurred. The panic was so sharp it felt like it was cutting me open from the inside.
“They saw me,” I choked out. “People saw me. Everyone saw me.”
“Hey, no, stop.” She cupped my face in her hands. “We’re going to handle this. You’re not alone. We’ll figure out how toget it taken down, and then we’ll punish them. We’ll fix it. I promise.”
I nodded, but I didn’t believe anything could be fixed. Not right now. All I could feel was the humiliation and fear, and the sense of violation. I didn’t know who to be angry at. The girls for showing me? At myself for being so careless in my most intimate moment? Callan, who knew about this and still let it be uploaded?
I pressed my hands to my face, trying to think, but everything was too loud inside my head.
Holland pulled me into a hug, and I held on because it was the only thing keeping me somewhat steady.
“We’re leaving,” she said firmly. “Now. Come on.”
I nodded again and let her help me back on my feet. I couldn’t feel the ground, and my legs were still shaking, but with her steadying me, we managed to get out of the bar and into an Uber.
On the drive home, all I could think about was the video.
My face on that screen.
Callan.
What this would do to me, because he was already in that world.
I feared that nothing would ever be the same after tonight, and all I wanted to do in that moment was kick and scream.
32
Lana
“We’ll pack a bag, and you come live with me for a while, okay?” Holland stated, already knowing that I wouldn’t want to stay at Callan’s house. Not right now. “My apartment’s small and the neighbors smell like weed all day, but you won’t be alone.”
“Okay.”
She wrapped an arm around my waist and guided me up the driveway. My legs felt unreliable, as if they would snap in half with the next step I took. I let Holland handle the front door because my hands were shaking too much, and when she stepped inside, she looked around the hallway like she expected people to be there. I hated how relieved I felt that Callan wasn’t standing there.
“Come on,” she said quietly. We walked toward the stairs, and my mind kept pushing that one thought. Did he know? The question felt like a storm in my head, and I couldn’t make sense of anything.
When we reached the landing, his voice came from down the hall, and I froze.
“Lana?”
Holland immediately turned to face him. When he appeared, I caught a glimpse of the smile on his face that quickly turned into a frown. “What’s wrong? Did something happen?”
He didn’t have to ask to know we had been out. He saw our outfits, but his attention was locked on my face. He studied every detail, trying to piece together what happened.
“Lana, what the fuck happened?” His voice was rough and full of concern now. And the hardest part of it was, I didn’t know if I could trust him.
“Don’t,” Holland snapped. Her arm came up in front of me like a barrier. “Don’t come any closer.”
He stopped right away. His body went still, and his eyes widened with panic. He looked past Holland, searching for me again.
“Lana, what’s wrong? Are you hurt?”
His voice sounded desperate now. It made my throat tighten, and I desperately wanted to answer, but the words didn’t come. I stepped back instead, unconsciously protecting myself, and Holland shifted with me, blocking him more.
“Answer me,” he said, softer this time. “Please.”
“Your two little actress friends showed Lana a video,” Holland said, her tone tight and cold. “A video they filmed of you two having sex. They uploaded it without her knowing. It’s online. On a porn site.”
