Seeing her like that did something to me I couldn’t easily define. Or, Icoulddefine but wouldn’t admit to it.
“Your turn,” she told me, stepping aside so I could look through the telescope. It was a view I hadn’t looked at before, at least not this closely, and as fascinating as it was, I couldn’t really do much with it. I remembered a few things Lana told me, about their distances and sizes, and the complexity of the whole universe, but the facts didn’t land the way they did when she said them. Without her voice explaining them, every fact fell flat. When I pulled back again, Lana was watching me with this patient curiosity. She wanted to know what I saw, but didn’t want to pressure me into saying anything.
“Very nice,” was all I said, sounding like the most disinterested person in this observatory.
Despite my clipped answer, Lana was pleased. “We came on a good night for sure.”
We thanked the volunteer and walked back down the stairs, and once we were outside, I asked her, “Do you want to stay for a minute?”
She nodded. “Yeah. I like the view from here.”
We walked past a few groups taking pictures and found an open space near the railing. Lana rested both hands on it, and I leaned forward to place my forearms on it. The city was bright below us, and while I never took my hometown for granted, I rarely appreciated how truly beautiful this place was. And, still, with all that beauty below us, all I wanted to look at was Lana.
I shifted my weight and eyed her profile. There was something lingering on my mind. A question I needed her to answer truthfully, because after seeing her so carefree and happy, I didn’t want my lifestyle to ruin hers.
“Lana.”
She turned her head toward me, her expression curious. “Yeah?”
“When you said you were fine with being my fluffer, you meant that? You’re truly pulling through with it?”
Her brows lifted before they furrowed into a deep frown. She didn’t look offended or comfortable that I brought this up. Instead, she took a moment to think, which I appreciated more than any quick answer. “Yes,” she said finally. “I meant it.”
I searched her face, looking for a sign of doubt. “You’re not doing it to prove something to me, right?”
She quickly shook her head. “No. Definitely not,” she replied without hesitation. “I do it because I want to. I would never pretend to like something for someone else. Not even you. No offense.”
I chuckled, her adorable way of scrunching her nose sparking amusement in me. I raised my hands defensively. “None taken.”
“And, actually,” she continued, her face relaxing again. “I’m proud of myself for giving you that blowjob in front of everyone. I thought I’d feel degraded and used, but I didn’t. And, not to toot my own horn, but I give pretty good head. If I had a penis, and I’d give myself a blowjob like that, I’d come too. Notthat I would want to give myself a blowjob because that’s…weird. And—”
“Lana.” I chuckled and reached out with one hand to touch her shoulder. “Calm down.”
She bit her bottom lip and laughed nervously. “Sorry.”
“Don’t be. I get what you’re saying. I just wanted to be sure that you’re truly okay with it.”
“I promise I am. Really.”
“Good.”
The way she said it left no room for doubt, and I felt a weight lift from my shoulders. She re-adjusted her hands on the railing and leaned forward a bit, looking down at the city again.
After a moment, she spoke again, her voice soft but sure. “You can ask me things like that whenever you want. I don’t mind.”
I looked at her, and she held my gaze this time. She didn’t feel intimidated or embarrassed. She was just being honest. “All right. Same goes for you.”
She lifted a brow, an amused glimpse flashing in her eyes. “Are you sure?”
“What, you think you can’t ask me anything?”
She pursed her lips and shrugged. “You just always seemed so closed off. Like you’re untouchable.”
“I am untouchable,” I told her, stiffening just slightly. “But only with people who I don’t think deserve getting close.”
That got a different reaction from her. One I hadn’t expected. She nodded, her lips pressed together as she tapped the railing with her fingers. “I can stand behind that.”
“Yeah?”
