There it was again. That strange feeling of pride and excitement. And without thinking twice, I embraced it.
***
I lay in bed with my laptop open beside me. The lights were off, but the screen was bright enough to light up my room. My chest was still tight from what happened earlier. The blowjob, the kiss, and watching Callan fuck those two girls for his porn movie…it felt like a fever dream. I didn’t know how to calm down. The memory of Callan’s taste wouldn’t fade, and every time I closed my eyes, I saw him.
I didn’t know what I was looking for when I opened the browser and typed his name. Maybe I wanted proof that what happened wasn’t all in my head. Maybe I wanted to see the version of him that everyone else saw. The one who looked untouchable, in control, and always so professional.
His videos came up instantly. Page after page. His stage name in bold letters. I hesitated for a long time before I clicked one. I was never on a porn site before, and I felt guilty at first. But then I remembered the conversation I had with Callan. About porn, and how it shouldn’t be such a taboo thing. I understood that some could get addicted to it, and that some ruined their relationships with it. But anything could lead to shit like that. Smoking, drinking…anything. Watching one video wouldn’t hurt me. I just wanted to see what it would feel like.
After scrolling for a while, I found a video titled ‘Hayley Gets a Promotion from Her Boss.” It sounded cheesy, like any other porn title. But the thumbnail looked promising. Callan was standing by a desk, while the girl, Hayley, was in front of her on all fours. I took a deep breath and clicked on it, then leaned back and watched. The scene started in a dim room, his body half in shadow. He spoke to her, his tone calm but firm, the same tone he used when he told me to look at him. To call him sir. Myheart kicked hard against my ribs. I couldn’t look away. It felt too strange to watch, but I couldn’t stop.
I tried to focus on Callan. His face was the same, but there was something missing. The Callan on the screen looked practiced and distant. Nothing like the man who kissed me earlier. When Hayley knelt for him, my throat tightened.
I shifted under the blanket, the heat between my legs growing unbearable. I tried to ignore it, but it was impossible. I slipped my hand under the waistband of my panties and exhaled shakily when my fingers brushed my skin. The sensation was electric, sending shivers down my spine, and I wondered why I had never tried this before.
There was never a moment in which I had the urge to touch myself. It always felt distant. Something I wouldn’t be good at. And even now, I had no idea how to use my fingers to touch the part of me that suddenly was on fire.
I slid my fingers through my folds, exploring every inch gently. My body responded the most when my fingertips moved over my clit, and I decided to give it the most attention. I flicked my fingertips against it while the video kept playing. Callan’s voice was commanding and confident, and his body moved with grace and power. It made my heart race.
I increased the pressure and speed of my fingers, mimicking the rhythm of the scene unfolding on the screen. A moan escaped me, and I quickly pressed my lips together to not make any more noises. I had the video playing on low volume, too, but I was sure nobody would hear me in here. After the shoot earlier, Callan had sent the actresses away, and when I went upstairs, I heard Trey and Rocco leave too. I didn’t know if Callan was even in the house, but it didn’t matter.
A strong sensation I had never felt before began to build, and I knew it was pleasure. My breaths came in short and sharp gasps, and as hard as I tried, I couldn’t hold back the moans thatkept coming uncontrollably. I kept focusing on Callan and on the way his muscles flexed every time he thrusted his hips into her. My fingers started to cramp, but I didn’t stop. I was close, and whatever was about to happen to my body was a total unknown. But I wanted to experience it. I wanted to know what would happen if I kept going, and just when it felt like I was being thrown over the edge, a noise from the other side of the room made me freeze.
I turned my head, only to find Callan standing in the doorway, his eyes fixed on me as I pleasured myself with one of his porn videos on the screen.
18
Callan
I heard her moans when I walked down the hall, and I couldn’t just pass it, acting like she wasn’t in there pleasuring herself. At least, that’s what I thought she was doing. She never had any guys over, and no one else was in the house, which led me to believe that she was doing it herself.
I wasn’t some creep who lurked around listening to girls touch themselves, but the sound of her voice hit me in a place I didn’t know how to ignore.
Ever since the blowjob she gave me, I hadn’t been able to get her out of my head. No matter what I did, she stayed there. Even earlier today, during filming, I had to fight every instinct not to look at her. She was sitting behind the camera, taking her damn notes, but as hard as she tried pretending she only focused on the camera work, I could feel her eyes on me. It was almost unbearable.
Trying to stay focused on Madison and Kira while Lana was just a few feet away took everything I had. I forced myself to keep my eyes where they needed to be, to stay professional, but it didn’t matter. Every movement, every sound from the set only reminded me of her. And now, standing here outside her door, hearing her moan like that, all I could think about washow much I wanted her again. Her moans beckoned me closer, daring me to open the door and watch. My conscience was holding me back, but only until another moan crept from under the door. My hand hovered over the door handle before I pushed it open, aware of how bad her reaction and the outcome could be.
But when I saw her on the bed, none of that mattered. She was on the bed, her body hidden beneath a blanket, but her hand was clearly visible, moving beneath the fabric. Her eyes were closed, her lips parted slightly as she let out another soft, breathy moan. I was so focused on her that I hadn’t even realized what was playing on her laptop.
Only when I recognized my voice came from it did I look at the screen, watching myself fuck some random girl I had chosen for yet another quick shoot.
My eyes flicked back to Lana, and I stood there for a moment just watching her, with my heart pounding in my chest. She looked so beautiful, so vulnerable, and so damn lost in pleasure. I felt a surge of desire, a need to be a part of this, and to join her in this moment of intimacy.
I wanted to take a step, but that’s when Lana snapped her head toward me. Her eyes flew open wide, startled and caught. For a moment, she froze. Her hand was still buried under the blanket, and neither of us spoke. The only sound in the room was the echo of my voice coming from the laptop speakers.
“Is this what you’ve been doing?” I asked, keeping my tone low and rougher than I meant it to be. I wasn’t angry. I was turned on, and the sudden possessiveness I felt made me lose the control I usually held.
Her face flushed dark red, and she scrambled to pull the blanket higher, trying to cover herself. But it wasn’t letting her hide any more than it already had. “Don’t,” I said quietly, stepping closer. “I already saw you.”
She swallowed hard, her chest rising and falling fast. “You shouldn’t be here.”
My eyes flicked to the screen, and a sharp sting hit me low in my crotch. Knowing that she was watching me fuck yet another girl didn’t sit right with me, and I wanted to remind her who she was watching while she touched herself.
“How often do you watch my videos?”
“Never!”
I let the door fall closed behind me, and I took a step closer to her, watching as her eyes grew even wider. “Is that what gets you off?” I asked, eyes locked on hers. “Watching me fuck someone else?”
