“There’s nothing left.”
She meant the plates and glasses. Every single one her mother had smashed.
“Actually, she did spare one thing.” I walked to the counter and picked up the red cock-shaped mug that held loose bills and spare change. When Lana saw it, her brows rose and her expression shifted into amusement.
“She broke everything in this kitchen exceptthat?”
I laughed and nodded, lifting the large mug a little before setting it back down. “Yeah. I don’t get it either. Let’s not question it.”
I moved to the fridge and opened it so she could see the shelves packed full. “I went to the store earlier. Are you hungry?”
She shook her head but kept staring at the stocked fridge with appreciation. “I had breakfast at Holland’s. Maybe later.”
“Good,” I said, closing the fridge again. “Whenever you want something, just tell me.”
She gave a little nod, then said, “I think I’m gonna take a bath.”
“Go. Take your time.”
There was a short moment where she looked unsure if she was allowed to have time to herself. But I saw her expression change again, her eyes determined as she walked over to me. She rose onto her toes, pressing a gentle kiss to my mouth. It was quick, but enough for me to know that she was okay.
“I’ll come down later,” she said.
“I’ll be here.”
***
Hours later, I was sitting on the couch in the living room, mindlessly zapping through channels on TV. Lana was truly taking her time in the bath, and I even heard her fill the tub a second time when the water probably turned cold. I didn’t mind. I wanted her to take as much time as she needed. It would help her.
Eventually, I heard her soft footsteps on the stairs. I put the remote down on the coffee table and leaned back, my arms stretched along the back of the couch.
She appeared in the entryway, her hair damp and curling at the ends. Her face was relaxed, and the tension I had seen in her shoulders had long gone. She was wearing a different set of loungewear and fuzzy socks. She looked adorable.
She walked toward me without saying anything, sitting down on the couch next to me with her feet tucked underneath her. Her scent was fresh and floral, and I took in a deep breath so it would linger.
I shifted slightly, turning my body toward hers. She looked up at me, and that’s when I saw the many questions in her eyes. There was no worry or pain, just pure wonder. She took a slow breath to gather her thoughts before she spoke, catching me completely off guard.
“Do you want to be with me?” she asked.
My heart hammered in my chest. There was no doubt in my mind on how I’d answer that, but it felt like a trick question.
“Of course,” I said, my voice firm. I had already confessed my love, and nothing was changing how I felt for her. “More than anything.”
She seemed to brace herself slightly, as if my answer was the easy part and what came next was the hard part. “Okay,” she said, nodding slowly. “I want to be with you, too.” A wave of relief hit me, making me dizzy. It was like fireworks going off inside of me. Thousands of them, all at once and uncontrolled. “But I don’t know if I can if you’re still having sex with other women.”
I hadn’t been expecting that because I hadn’t let my mind go there yet. I had been thinking about so many other things instead of what being with me would mean for her.
She continued, her gaze fixed on mine. “I just don’t want you to have sex with anyone else when you say you love me.” Her words were heavy with meaning, and I let her continue without interrupting. I wanted her to tell me exactly what she was feeling and thinking.
“I know it’s probably not fair to you because it’s your job, but I just can’t…” She stopped and took another deep breath. “I can’t be with you if you keep on having sex on camera.”
She wasn’t accusing me or demanding that I agree with her. She was setting a line. One she needed to draw to protect the fragile, new thing that was growing between us. She was stating her own worth. That the love I had confessed to her had to be exclusive.
And I knew that she wasn’t asking for too much. She was asking for what she deserved. I let out a slow breath, moving my hand from the back of the couch and gently covering hers with mine. I rubbed my thumb over her knuckles to ease whatever worries she might’ve had.
“It’s not unfair,” I said, keeping my voice low. “It’s not unfair at all. You’re right. The love I feel for you can’t exist alongside that side of me.” I looked into her eyes, wanting her to see the absolute honesty in my gaze. “I don’t want anyone else. I haven’t for a long time. That part of my life is over. It was over the moment I realized I was in love with you. So, if you’re asking if I will stop having sex on camera for you, the answer is yes.”
Her eyes widened but just slightly, and she let out a shaky, relieved laugh. “Good,” she whispered, her voice thick with emotion now. “Because I don’t think I could handle it. I don’t mind if you…you know, keep directing pornos, and…” She stopped herself and frowned. “I really don’t want you to think I want to control you or anything. I just…I don’t want you to have sex with other women. That’s all.”
