I let myself think about whatIwanted for once, and not what I deserved. I put myself first for once.
“Okay,” I said quietly.
His face brightened with relief. “Yeah?” He pulled a ring of keys from his jacket’s pocket and held them up with a small grin. “We can go in right now.”
“Okay,” I repeated. I stood, crossing my arms over my chest to keep myself warm. “I’d like that.”
“Good. I’m Asa, by the way.”
I managed a tight, tired smile. “Lana.”
“Nice to meet you, Lana,” he said. He turned toward the path leading up to the entrance. I followed him, the gravel crunching under our steps.
I watched Asa walk ahead of me, and I started to think about what I would feel when I looked through the telescope. I didn’t know if it would make the pain any easier or if it would just give me a few minutes of distraction. But for now, that was enough.
Asa unlocked the door, pushed it open, and held it for me. I stepped inside and hovered near the entrance for a moment. He didn’t close the door behind us and just kept walking across the wide room, his footsteps echoing off the floor as he headed toward the stairs that spiraled up to the main telescope.
I trailed after him, my arms still wrapped around myself for warmth. When we reached the controls at the base of the platform, he pressed a few buttons until the dome above us responded. A low mechanical sound filled the space, and then the massive window overhead slid open, revealing a clean stretch of night sky.
No matter how many times I’d come here, the scale of everything always hit me the same way. He climbed the stairs to the telescope, adjusted a few settings, then stepped aside and looked down at me.
“Go ahead.”
I walked up the stairs, and he moved back down, giving me all the space. I hesitated for a second before leaning in and pressing my eye to the eyepiece. The moment the sky came into view, my breath caught. The stars were sharp, and the sight pushed everything else in my head aside for a few seconds. He hadn’t positioned the telescope on a specific planet, but I recognized a few splattered up there. I stayed like that longer than I meant to. When I finally pulled back, my eyes were stinging again, but with a different kind of emotion.
“Thank you,” I said quietly. “Really.”
His smile was soft. “I’m glad it helped. Even a little.”
We walked back toward the entrance after he closed everything, and when we stepped outside, he pocketed his keys and nodded toward the parking lot.
“I’m gonna get home now. I’m around most nights,” he said. “If you ever need to look again.”
I gave him a grateful smile that I barely had the energy to hold. I didn’t have to tell him that I’d be back because he already knew I was a returning guest. “Goodnight, Asa.”
“Goodnight, Lana.”
He headed down the path, and I looked into the night sky for a moment before I turned in the opposite direction. I wanted to get back to the bench and figure out my next move, and when I lowered my eyes, I saw him.
Callan stood a few yards away near a lamppost, with hands clenched at his sides, and chest rising and falling like he had run the whole way here. His eyes were locked on me, taking in every detail from a distance.
He didn’t move right away, and neither did I.
I couldn’t, and yet, I wanted to run to him.
He looked like he had been through a battle, and his face was filled with worry. I had no idea what he had done back home. If he had sent my mother away, if he had called the police. But that didn’t matter to me right now. He was here, still coming after me after everything. That’s all that should’ve mattered.
He started walking, his steps slow but determined until he closed the distance between us. I wanted to move and meet him halfway, but my feet were glued to the spot. My mind was screaming at me to run and flee from the shame I still felt. But my traitorous heart wanted nothing more than to collapse into his arms.
He stopped right in front of me. His eyes scanned my face, his gaze lingering on my cheek. A muscle in his jaw twitched, and a flicker of darkness crossed his features before it was replaced by tenderness so deep it made my knees weak.
He didn’t say a word. He just opened his arms, and that was all it took.
A sob of pure agony tore from my throat, and I stumbled forward, crashing into him.
He caught me, his arms wrapping around me in a tight embrace. He lifted me slightly off my feet, burying his face in my hair, with one hand pressing my head to his chest while the other held me tight around the waist. I clung to him, my fingers digging into his back. I sobbed against him, my whole body shaking with the force of it. I let it all out right there, at my favorite place in the whole world. I cried for the video and for the shame. I cried for my mother who had hit me and the man who was now holding me. And I cried for the girl I was before all of this and for the broken, terrified person I had become.
We stood there in the middle of the path, and he let me fall apart because it’s what I needed in that moment. And I had never been more thankful for anyone in my life, ever.
