36
Lana
The reassuring warmth of Callan’s body next to mine was what kept me sane. We had been lying like this for what felt like hours, and the sky outside was starting to get darker. Our limbs were tangled under the covers, and my head was on his chest. My ear was pressed directly over his heart, and I listened to the rhythm. It helped me slow down my own breathing.
His left arm was wrapped around my shoulders, holding me securely against him, while his other hand moved in a slow, repetitive pattern, stroking my hair from the crown of my head down to my neck. He did it over and over. It was a simple, mindless motion, but it was everything. It was a physical reminder that he was here with me.
I felt safe in a way I hadn’t thought possible again. The shame was still there aching in the background of my mind, but it was muted. It was overshadowed by the overwhelming feeling of being protected.
But a thought kept lingering in my mind.
What if it’s not really gone?
My body went rigid, the muscles in my back and shoulders tightening involuntarily.
Callan must have felt the change. His hand stopped its soothing motion in my hair. “What is it?” he murmured.
I didn’t want to ask. I wanted to stay in this bubble of ignorance and safety forever. But the thought wouldn’t let me go. I took a shaky breath, the words catching in my throat.
“Are you sure it’s gone? The video…is it really gone?”
He shifted, turning his head to press a kiss into my hair. “I’m sure, Lana. I watched the police take it down. It’s really gone.”
“But,” I persisted, my voice trembling a little more now. “What if someone downloaded it? What if Karlee sent it to someone? What if it’s on another site somewhere?” The questions tumbled out, each one more frantic than the last. The fear was creeping back in, and the idea of it floating in the digital cloud, was unbearable.
I lifted my head to look at him, searching his face in the moonlight coming through the large window right by my bed. His expression was serious. He didn’t dismiss my fears. He didn’t tell me I was being paranoid. He just listened, letting every question settle. When I was done, he brought his hand up to cup my cheek, his thumb gently stroking my skin.
“Okay,” he said softly, pushing himself up on his elbow. “Those are all valid things to be worried about. And here’s the answer to all of them. If she downloaded it to any other device, the police will find it. They’re seizing everything. If she sent it to someone, they’ll find the messages. They’re digital forensic experts; it’s their job to find that stuff.”
He paused, letting his words sink in. Then he leaned in closer, his voice dropping to an even more serious tone. “And if, by some small chance, it shows up on another site, I will take care of it. I have people. I have lawyers. I will have it removed within the hour, and I will sue whoever posted it into oblivion. Iwill make it my life’s mission to hunt down every single copy and erase it. Do you understand me?”
I just stared up at him, my heart hammering against my ribs again. The force of his will was staggering. He wasn’t just promising, he was vowing. He was drawing a line, and I was on the safe side of it.
“So don’t worry about it,” he continued, his thumb still stroking my cheek. “That’s my job now. Your job is to heal. Your job is to let me take care of the rest. You don’t have to carry this by yourself anymore. You don’t have to think about it. If you even start to worry, you tell me, and I will handle it. All of it.”
The knot of fear in my stomach finally began to unravel. He was willing to fight the monsters so I didn’t have to, and that was more than I could’ve ever asked of him. It was too much, but I needed him in this.
I let out a slow breath. “Okay.”
He leaned down and pressed a kiss close to my mouth, and I shifted under him, wanting to show him just how much I appreciated his help. I turned my head to the side until his lips hovered over mine. I lifted my hand, my fingers tracing the rough stubble along his jawline. He closed his eyes for a moment, leaning into my touch. He looked at me again, then he slowly lowered his head, giving me plenty of time to pull away if I wanted to. But I didn’t.
The first kiss was gentle and comforting. His lips were soft and warm against mine, moving slowly. He was silently asking me for permission, and I answered by pressing my lips more firmly against his. He deepened the kiss slightly, his tongue tracing the seam of my lips, and I parted them for him. There was no urgency or rush.
My hand moved from his jaw to the nape of his neck, my fingers grazing his short hair. His hand slid down to my waist, his fingers spreading wide against my side to hold me close. Thetouch was possessive but not demanding. The kiss deepened, and I angled my head to tell him I needed more. I carefully slid my tongue across his bottom lip, and he responded with a low, soft groan that vibrated from his chest into mine. His tongue curled around mine in a slow motion that sent shivers through my whole body.
His other hand came up to cup my face, his thumb stroking my cheekbone as his mouth continued the dance with mine. Warmth spread through my chest, rising to my head, and making me feel dizzy. It was the same dizziness he had made me feel before, but this had nothing to do with lust and sex we’ve had. This was an overwhelming feeling of being cherished. His touch was worshipful. Every stroke of his thumb, every gentle squeeze of his hand on my waist, was a declaration of admiration.
I shifted my body under him, and his leg came between mine. His thigh pressed against my pussy, but even that wasn’t a request for more. His hand moved from my waist to my back, tracing the line of my spine through the thin fabric of my shirt.
I broke the kiss a little later, pulling back just enough to catch my breath. I opened my eyes and found his already watching me, his gaze dark with emotion but clear of anything that would make this moment something it wasn’t. He wasn’t trying to turn this into sex. He wasn’t pushing for more. He was simply here, with me.
He leaned in and pressed a soft kiss to my forehead, then another to my temple, then to the corner of my mouth. I closed my eyes again, taking in a deep breath.
“You okay?” he asked.
I nodded. My throat felt tight all of a sudden. “Yeah. I just…” I swallowed and forced the words out. “I’m sorry I didn’t trust you right away.”
He didn’t pull back or tense up. His hand kept its slow path along my spine.
