While he denied longing for a child, I’d seen the disappointment in his eyes when each test had come back negative. And because of how emotional I’d got, Benedict soon learned to hide that.
I felt less of a woman. What was the point of having a womb if I couldn’t use it to have children? Even as Benedict held me tightly, I tortured myself mentally. Logically, I knew having children wasn’t the be-all and end-all. We could adopt. But the problem was I wanted to carry Benedict’s child, and it just wasn’t happening. That hurt far more than anything else in my life.
How could I make Benedict happy, when I wasn’t happy myself?
Chapter Six.
Rina
“That lady is watching again, Mommy,” Xander said, and I jolted in surprise.
“Huh?”
“The ghost lady. She’s nice and tells us stories. Zoie isn’t frightened anymore,” Xander replied.
While I didn’t want my children to be scared, I wasn’t too certain about having a ghost tell the kids tales.
“Daddy’s taking us shopping for your presents,” Xander continued. Another shock ran through me.
“That will be nice.” I smiled.
“Yup, bye Mommy.”
Xander darted off as Adam came down the stairs. This week had been different. Adam was making a visible effort. I knew he’d called Janet several times, and that was fine. If that’s what Adam needed to heal, then he could spend hours on the phone with her. Hell, I’d even pay the bill.
Adam had encouraged me to sketch, but I really wanted to get my hands on some paint. While I usually used oils, I wouldn’t mind doing these in watercolours. The local scenerywas pretty, and it felt like Christmas. There was one week left until Christmas Day, and I actually felt excited.
“Terry is picking us up. I need to buy him a good bottle of whiskey,” Adam said as he bent down and kissed my forehead.
“You’re going into town again?”
That was something Adam had done. He’d begun spending a lot of time with the children, freeing me up. At first, I’d felt pushed out, but I noted how wary the kids had been. That was what Adam was trying to overcome, so I’d followed his lead. Plus, I actually had the bug to create my paintings.
“Yes, we’re going Christmas shopping. See you soon,” Adam said, and I nodded. I smiled as Adam walked out with the kids, making a loud noise. Each declaring that they knew exactly what Mommy wanted.
“You look happier, if you don’t mind my saying so,” Mariah commented as she approached.
“It’s been a very difficult time. Adam seems easier, more relaxed,” I responded.
“I can imagine. Life likes to throw us curveballs,” Mariah stated, and I saw sadness in her eyes.
“You and Benedict are lucky to live here,” I replied for lack of anything to say.
“Normally, we don’t have snow like this. This is unusual.”
“Ah, I meant at the inn.”
“Oh. We usually spend Monday to Thursday at Wollscombe Manor, the family home, and then the weekend here. But we’re spending the next few weeks here. Benedict’s siblings are either all expecting or have just had a baby.” Grief crossed Mariah’s face.
“And you’ve not got pregnant yet?” I guessed.
Mariah forced a smile. “No. Excuse me, I have to get the rooms ready for the new guests.”
“Mariah, can I ask a question? Do you have a ghost here?”
“Lady Catherine, she means no harm,” Mariah replied and then quickly left.
The ghost had a name? Of course it did; this was England. A little confounded, I turned my attention back to my sketchbook. I had an idea for a whole new series. I wondered, however, if there were more inns similar to The Black Cat.
