Sweet. Sweet. Sweet. And more sweet.
By the time I got to the stuffed grape leaves, I was laughing.
Just as Dimitra protested her son’s departure by switching the salt for sugar, Alex was protesting my picnic with Nikos.
Shading my eyes, I walked to the water and smiled at the hazy outline of the yacht, hearing his protest loud and clear.
Beyond the narrow arm of rocks that separated us, Nikos was still swimming. The water was much shallower where I stood. And warmer too. I lay my kaftan on the sand, weighting it with a couple of pebbles. My hands were darker. I loved my masala-chai skin tone, but the deeper, dusky shade was a reminder of my afternoon with Alex. In spite of all the childhood drillings to stay out of the sun, my legs, my back, my whole body belonged in it. I wasn’t too dark, too short, too fat, too anything.
I held my arms up to the sun and twirled, humming as I let the water kiss my feet. Scooping up some sand, I let it wash away in the gentle lap of the next wave, like cool lava receding from my fingers. I sat cross-legged on the beach with the sun on my back and the sea before me.
It was a perfectly rare, perfectly beautiful day.
And then, to make it even better, I spotted a starfish.
“Hey there, little fellow.” I waded into the water to get a better look.
The small starfish was purple, its spindly arms reaching for deeper waters. I gathered it in my hands and took a few steps into the sea.
“You’ll be safer here.” I was about to let it go when I noticed a barnacle-covered rock jutting into the water. I thought the darker color below the water’s surface was from patches of lichen, but as I approached, I realized dozens of purple starfish were feeding off the barnacles.
“Is this where you want to go?” I tried to get my little starfish to the rock, but the mass of seaweed around the rock made it impossible to see where I was stepping. I followed the rock around and found a clearing at its craggy tip.
“Whoa.” I steadied myself as the sea pulled at my legs in a sudden rush. I was in a lot deeper than I’d realized. Settling the starfish down, I started making my way back.
The next rush of water dragged the sand beneath my feet away with it. Suddenly, I was neck-deep in water, and clinging to the rock. A wave of panic swept over me.
I can do this. Alex taught me how.I searched for the yacht and held it steady in my vision.I can—
The next powerful surge swept me off my feet. I gasped, my nails scraping the edges of the rock, my feet searching for a seabed no longer there.
Fuck.I was caught up in a current. I could feel the sea pause around me as it gathered force, the brief reprieve ringing like alarm bells in my ears. When it came for me again, my heart was pumping furiously in my chest. I latched on to the barnacles, oblivious to the razor-sharp edges shredding my skin. Every muscle in my body—my arms, my feet, my shoulders, my chest—clamored to hold on to the last solid thing within my reach.
The rock slipped from my grasp, millimeter by millimeter, and then all at once.
I’d imagined drowning many times, in many different scenarios. I pictured my arms and legs flailing frantically. Yelling for help. Splashing. Thrashing.
My drowning was quiet, my movements restrained by the current. Everything happened under the surface. One minute, my head bobbed above the water and the next, it was gone.
I was gone.
My hair floated like tangled seaweed around me. A stream of bubbles escaped from my nostrils, rising a strange angle. The current dragged me through the water like a fisherman reeling in his catch. My lungs were on fire, every cell in my body screaming for air.
When the pull slackened, as the sea stopped to take a breath, my arms and legs kicked desperately to get to the surface, but the harder I clawed, the deeper I sank.
Alex’s words came back to me.
The more you fight it, the faster you’ll go under.
Eyes to the sky. Little kicks to get your legs up.
I looked up, but the light was starting to dim. Black blotches seeped along the edges of my vision. I couldn’t tell whether the hammering rush in my ears was the water or my heart about to explode. I couldn’t hold my breath much longer. My lungs were going to inhale. Air or water—it didn’t matter. As I struggled to keep myself from breathing, darkness held out its arms.
Like a babe being cradled in her mother’s embrace, I let its cloak fall around me.
Flashes of recollection spiked through my mind, little beeps of activity in the flat line that the sea was compressing me into.
Naani rubbing Vicks VapoRub on my feet.In the morning, you’ll be all better.
