“What’s that? To pray?”
“Yes. No one seems to understand that Ihavebeen praying about it.”
“What exactly have you been praying for?” Sammi asked.
“That God would help me deal with the memories. That they wouldn’t hurt so much when they come.”
“And that’s all you’ve done? Pray?”
“Well, it’s been pretty hard to do anything else when I’m trying to keep from falling apart when a memory hits.”
“All I’m saying that sometimes—often—God requires more than just us praying for His help.” “
“What more can I do? I don’t know how else to get this stuff out of my head.”
“I don’t know either. I’m sorry,” Sammi said, her voice gentle. “I amsosorry you’re hurting like this.”
After their conversation had ended, Amy curled up in her bed. It had felt good to be home. To talk with her parents. To chat with Sammi. To lie down in her bed. But now as she lay in the darkness, her thoughts went to those in Collingsworth.
She wondered if Isabella had had a good day. The little girl hadn’t been happy to hear she was leaving, even when Amy had assured her that she would be back. What was going to happen when she had to leave for good? How would Isabella handle that? Oh, she’d go back to visit, most likely. Or maybe she wouldn’t. Could she handle seeing Will move on with someone else? She’d watched him find love with someone once already, she wasn’t sure she could survive that again.
A band tightened around her heart, and she found it hard to breathe. The thought of him loving some unknown woman in the future hurt more than the memory of his love for Delia. The realization caught her by surprise. Amy struggled to sit up and catch her breath.
Head bent as she sat in the darkness, she tried to imagine her future without Will, but all she got was pain at the thought. Would the pain over the future lessen as time went on? Or would she be left with never-ending regret and wondering what if? Yet maybe with time, she could get past the pain of Will’s past.
She stood up and began to pace her room, able to avoid bumping into furniture because of her familiarity with theplacement of everything. All she knew was that if it weren’t for this struggle over Will’s past with Delia, she’d gladly move to Collingsworth to be with him and Isabella. Even with its frigid winters.
As she paced, the words of both Cami and Charlotte came to mind. Not everything in God’s will would necessarily come easily. She realized now that she had just assumed if it was God’s will for her and Will to be together, He’d make it easy for that to happen. That His clear sign to her would involve her not dealing with this emotional upheaval over every memory that cropped up. Maybe God expected her to take that step of faith, believing that she and Will could work through her struggles together.
Amy returned to her bed and laid down. She closed her eyes and this time when she prayed, it was a different prayer than the others.
Please give me the strength, God, to take this step of faith. I don’t know if Will will even give me a chance now, but if he does, I’m going to trust that You will work in both of us and that this relationship will bring You honor and glory. And if it’s not meant to be for Will and me, I will trust You to bring healing from this for both of us.
Amy had always figured that it would take knowing with certainty that things would work out between her and Will to bring her peace. Surprisingly enough, it was this prayer of faith that brought her the first measure of peace she’d had since all of this had started.
She would go to the interview the next day, but something told her she wouldn’t be taking this job. Something deep inside told her she needed to turn it down if they offered it to her. It would be yet another step of faith. She was going to go back to Collingsworth trusting that she and Will would be able to get through this.
If he’d give her another chance even after she hadn’t given him one.
~*~*~
The next few days were torture for Will. Cami had told him that she’d gone to her interview but that there had been no official job offer yet. From what Cami said, it sounded like it was just a matter of time though. It was disheartening, but not surprising.
Needing some direction in his life since everything had fallen apart with Amy, Will decided to tackle the house that sat empty. He approached Lance to see if he’d have room in the next few months to finish up the interior so he could put it on the market. There was no doubt he would take a loss on it, but at this point he just needed it gone.
Even if Amy did, by some miracle, decide to give them another chance, knowing what he did about how she felt regarding his past with Delia, he couldn’t ask her to live in a house that he’d initially started building for his family with her. He didn’t think it would make any difference to her that Delia had told him she didn’t want to live out in the forest and that, after their decision to move, they never would have lived there as a family.
“You’re sure you want to do this?” Lance asked him as they sat in his office Friday morning. “I know you had big dreams for that place.”
Will shrugged. “Seems my plans don’t count for much these days.”
“You do need to get out of that apartment though.”
“Yes, I agree, but I think I’ll just try to find a house here in town with enough yard for Isabella. The two of us don’t need that much room.”
“It might not always be just the two of you.”
“I don’t think I’m destined to find lasting love,” Will said without emotion. It was the conclusion he’d come to over the past couple of days. “Right now I just need to focus on my daughter and doing what I can to make up for the way things have been between us.”
