“But that’s the thing,” Amy said, “I don’t think he’s really available. Yes, in the physical sense, he is. I noticed he’s not wearing a ring. But emotionally, I don’t think he’s there yet.”
“You think he’s still caught up with his wife?”
“Yes, I do. His daughter is the spitting image of Delia. How could he not be reminded of the woman every single day? I only saw Delia a few times when we were here for Cami and Josh’s wedding, but as soon as I saw her daughter, it was like I was right back there.” Amy sighed. “I wouldn’t want to be the one he settles for because he can’t have the wife he lost so suddenly.”
“Do you think he feels anything toward you?”
“I doubt it. If Delia was his type, I’m the exact opposite of her. This has nothing to do with there being a possibility of a relationship between us—there isn’t. This is me trying to keep myself from being hurt all over again. I need to figure out how to get teenage Amy to go back to wherever she came from and stay there.”
Sammi chuckled. “You know it doesn’t work that way.Emotions are not something so easily ignored.”
Amy swallowed hard, her throat tight. She knew she sounded crazy. It was why she’d never told anyone aside from Cami about what had happened back then. And even with Cami she’d never told her how much hurt she’d felt when she’d realized Will was married. So much of her hurt had not come from Will’s actions, but from the feeling that God had betrayed her. She’d been so sure Will was to have been hers.
“Listen, Aims, you don’t know that maybe what you felt back then was right,” Sammi said, her voice more serious.
“What? No.” Even though Sammi couldn’t see her, Amy shook her head vigorously. “No.”
“Maybe God did mean for you and him to be together. Just not then. You would have had to wait anyway, because I’m pretty sure there’s no way your mom and dad would have of approved a relationship between the two of you when you were fifteen or even sixteen. It could be that now is the fruition of what God impressed upon your heart all those years ago.”
“Don’t say that, Sammi. Please don’t say that,” Amy pleaded. “Don’t I deserve to have someone’s whole heart? I don’t want to share his heart with a woman who was taken from him so horribly. I think it would have been easier if he and Delia had divorced because then at least he would have chosen to separate himself from her. She was taken from him, and he’s still mourning her loss six years later. I can’t deal with that.”
“You don’t know that he won’t love you with his whole heart. God can ease that grief in his heart and fill it completely with love for you.”
“Sammi, he can’t even love his daughter the way he should,” Amy said. “He gives that little girl everything she could ever want or ask for...except for his love.”
“Why? Who can’t love a child?”
“A man who feels that that child is the reason his wife is no longer alive.”
“Surely he doesn’t blame her,” Sammi insisted. “It’s hardlyherfault.”
“Actually, I don’t think he blames her. I’m pretty sure he shoulders that blame all himself, but every time he looks at her he is reminded of why she is here and why Delia isn’t. If he can’t love his daughter, how could he even begin to love someone like me?”
There was silence for a few seconds then Sammi said, “I’m sorry, Aims. I’ll be praying for you. Trust God that He might still have something wonderful planned for the two of you. Don’t shut the door out of fear.”
“But I don’t want to feel this again. I don’t want to start counting the minutes until I see him. I don’t want to think of him when I’m trying to consider what to wear. I just really don’t want those emotions to have so much power again.”
“Sometimes you have to take the risk of hurt in order to reap the joy. Don’t let the fear bind you from at least being open to what God might have in store for you.”
Amy knew that her friend was right. It was something she would have said to a friend herself, but taking that advice now was not something she wanted to do. “I’ll pray about it.”
“I will too,” Sammi assured her.
Watching out the window, Amy sucked in a breath as she saw Isabella appear on the porch. She skipped over to the SUV as Will followed more slowly. He opened the door for her but before she climbed in, the little girl happened to glance up and spot Amy in the window. Isabella waved enthusiastically at her.
Will turned, and Amy felt her breath catch as he waved a hand in her direction. She returned the wave and then watched as he helped Isabella into the back seat of his vehicle. He rounded the hood to the other side and opened the door. Amy thought he’d get right into the car, but hepaused and looked up at her again. He wore sunglasses, so it wasn’t like their gazes met, but he was clearly looking in her direction.
Frozen, she waited. He didn’t wave again but gave a slight nod of his head before disappearing into his SUV. As she watched them drive away, his fancy car glinting in the afternoon sun, she remembered the question they used to be asked in elementary school. What super power would you like to have and why? Back in grade school she’d never had a ready answer, but right then Amy wished she had the ability to read minds. She’d give just about anything to know what was going on in his head.
“Amy? You still there?” Sammi’s voice broke into her thoughts.
“Yeah. Sorry.” Amy slid off the window seat and went to curl up on her bed. “Will and Isabella just left.”
“Where are you calling me from?”
“My bedroom. I could see them from my window.”
“Listen, just remember why you’re there. You agreed to help your cousin and his family. Focus on that.”
