"Smells delicious."
"Thanks. I hope it tastes delicious, too. Want something to drink?" She busied herself with the salad fixings on the counter. "There are cold sodas in the fridge or water if you want."
Nate opened the fridge and grabbed a can of his favorite soda. He popped the top and took a long drink. As he watched her work, Nate realized that she hadn't met his gaze since he'd walked in. Did she know Lily was back? Was that making her uncomfortable?
Before he could say anything, a timer went off. She grabbed a couple of pot holders and pulled the chicken from the oven.
"Do you want me to carve that?" Nate asked as he set his soda down on the counter. "I think I could manage not to butcher it too much."
"Sure." She pulled a knife from the drawer and laid it next to the roast chicken, still not looking at him. "You can put it on that platter."
They worked without talking, but thankfully she had music playing to fill the silence so he didn’t feel compelled to strike up a conversation. Usually, Crystal was the one who chattered about a variety of things when they were together, but today there was only silence from her.
Once they were seated at the table, she bent her head and said grace. He noticed once prayer was done, she didn't put much food on her plate. Finally, he set his fork and knife down and said, "What's wrong? You've barely said two words since I arrived."
Still not looking at him, she set her silverware down as well. She took a sip of her drink and then finally looked at him. "I was going to wait until after lunch, but I don't think it will make much difference now."
"What are you talking about?" Nate pushed his plate forward and rested his arms on the table.
Crystal took a deep breath and lifted her chin. "I knew all about your relationship with Lily before we started dating. I knew you'd been engaged to her, and it had ended suddenly just before she left town. Naively, I assumed I could be the one to help you heal and move on from her. I knew it might take time, but I figured that eventually you'd see how much I loved you and would love me like that in return."
A sick feeling settled in the pit of his stomach. "I'm sorry--"
She held up a hand. "Let me finish. About six months into our relationship, I finally had to admit it wasn't going to be the easy change I had thought it would be. It was then I told myself that if I didn't feel your emotions were fully engaged in our relationship when Lily came back, I would end things." She paused then shrugged. "So here we are. Lily's back, and it's time to end things."
The news had certainly traveled fast. "Crys--"
Again she stopped him, this time with a shake of her head. "I knew this day would come. I've known for a few months now that there was no hope for us, but I held on anyway. Hoping for a miracle, I guess."
"I'm sorry," he said again.
"It's not your fault. I should have ended things a lot sooner. And I know you feel the same way, but probably didn't want to let me down."
Nate couldn't argue with her. "I wish I could have been what you wanted...needed in this relationship."
A sad smile lifted the corners of her lips. "I wish you could have been, too. But I ignored all the signs and made things more difficult on myself. I just want you to know I understand. You can't force yourself to feel something you don't. You never told me lies about loving me or talked about the future in such a way that you dragged out that hope in me. I chose to hang on longer than I should have."
"You're a beautiful, sweet, caring woman, and I wish things would have worked out differently." Nate's appetite had long since fled. "Please know that there has been nothing between Lily and me in all the time we've been together. And there won't be. She made it clear things were over for us when she left. I haven't even seen her since she got back.” He let out a long sigh. “For some reason my heart is just not ready to move on yet, even though I know it's been almost three years."
"You've had a lot to deal with over the years since she left. I know my pursuing you hasn't helped give you the space you need to heal from it all. I don't know how things will be for you now with Lily back here, but I hope you find some closure and peace in your heart."
"Thank you," Nate said, wishing at that moment that he had been able to give Crystal what she'd needed in their relationship. She'd been so good to him, and though he'd try to give her what he could, he had always known it wasn't enough.
"Don't feel you have to finish your lunch." She waved at his half-empty plate. "I just didn't want to do this out in public at a restaurant." She pushed back from the table and stood.
Nate got to his feet and reached to pull her into a quick hug. "Take care of yourself."
A tear slid down her cheek, but still she smiled at him. "I will. And you do the same."
He'd thought ending the relationship would have made him feel better, but as Nate walked to his truck, all he felt was heartsick and weary. Somehow he had to shore up his defenses and pull the broken parts of his life back together. Sitting in his truck, he pulled out his phone and called his buddy, Stan. He had no desire to return to the manor yet knowing that Lily was there.
"Why don't you come on over and watch the race?" Stan suggested. "Pretty sure your guy's not going to win, but you can celebrate with me when mine does."
Nate chuckled at his friend's taunt. "I'll be right over. Want me to stop for anything on the way?"
"Nope. We went to the store last night and bought a bunch of stuff. Just bring yourself and be prepared to spend some time holding the baby. I promised Ella she could take a nap, so we're on baby duty if he decides not to sleep as well."
Nate figured there were worse things in life than watching a NASCAR race while holding a baby. "See you in a few minutes."
