"Yes. I just wanted to touch base with him after what happened on Friday." She paused. "I didn't think you were going to take him up on the offer to talk."
Nate shrugged and looked back down at the laptop. "To be honest, I wasn't sure what the purpose of having me talk to him was."
Lily clasped her hands together. She didn’t know how to respond to that. The fact that it had taken so long for him to call Dr. Bennett left her wondering if she'd made a mistake in offering the opportunity to him. "Why did you go?"
He didn't answer right away. Lily wondered if he'd actually heard her since he kept his gaze on the laptop, even when he straightened and rested his hands on his hips. Finally, he looked up. She saw him swallow hard before he said, "Seeing you on the path Friday night was…difficult. I had to know more about what was happening to you."
Lily felt her heart clench at the flash of emotion on his face. "I'm sorry if I scared you. I didn't know you were at the manor when I called."
"You didn't just scare me. You scared Lance and your sisters, too." Nate looked back down at the laptop and then pulled some papers from the bag.
Feeling like she'd just been reprimanded, Lily frowned. It hadn't been the best decision she'd ever made to keep working in the heat, but she'd done it for a good cause. Couldn't Nate see that? If she hadn't been able to finish, Will wouldn't have been able to have the perfect moment he wanted for Amy.
Lily looked down at the top of the desk. Emotions warred within her, just one more thing she could thank the MS for. She had never been a hugely emotional person and it took a lot to make her cry, but right then she just wanted to go upstairs, throw herself across her bed and sob. She took a couple of deep breaths, willing the emotions to subside.
Focus on the job.
Hoping her voice would stay steady, she asked, "So is this just basically more of the same?"
Though she sensed Nate's gaze on her, Lily kept looking at the pile of paper next to the laptop. She didn't want to take the chance that he could read anything in her expression. When the silence stretched between them, Lily finally looked up.
"Yes, it's just more receipts and some payments and deposits to record." He paused. "Are you sure you're up for this? Feel free to tell me no."
Oh, she wanted to say no, but not because she wasn't up for the work. It was slowly dawning on her that she’d been lying to herself all along. When she'd come back and found out that Nate wasn't seeing anyone, she'd told herself it didn’t matter, when in fact it had. She desperately wanted to be back with him, but now she had to face the lasting consequences of her decision three years ago. She'd ended things and it no longer mattered if she’d had a change of heart. Whatever he might have felt initially, he no longer seemed interested in picking up where they'd left off.
"It's fine. I should be done with it in a couple of hours." Lily waited for him to move from behind the desk beforegoing around it the opposite way to reach the chair. "If I have questions, I'll give you a call."
Nate nodded. "Thank you."
"You're welcome," Lily said as she picked up the first piece of paper off the pile. Only when she heard him move away did she raise her gaze and watch him walk out of the library. Her vision blurred as she looked down at the paper in her hand. A tear dropped on the paper. She swiped at the moisture on her cheeks. Resting the paper in her lap, she took several deep breaths before focusing on it again.
~*~*~
Nate wanted to kick himself. There had been so many openings during that conversation, and he'd let each one pass. It was like the words had been stuck in his throat. All he could do was stare at her and wish she could read his mind. That she could feel what was in his heart. It would have been so much easier than trying to find the words to say without messing up completely.
As he sat behind the wheel of his truck, Nate stared straight ahead. He had come here with work as an excuse, but at every opening he froze. Why? He knew it was partly because if she said no, the last spark of hope would be gone. But...if she felt the same way, he was just wasting time. He was just a coward if he put it off any longer.
He’d been praying hard about it. Spending time in prayer and reading the Bible had been something he’d tried to give priority to over the past few days. Why couldn’t he trust God with this? Why couldn’t he believe that God would give him the strength to continue on even if Lily said no?
He thumped the steering wheel with his fists. Now or never. He couldn't continue on in this limbo.
Please, God, let her be willing to hear me out.
Determined not to allow fear to overcome him, Nate strode toward the manor. He walked in without knocking this time and headed straight for the library. When heentered the room, Lily's head lifted and she stared at him, her eyes wide and suspiciously damp.
Love, determination and hope propelled him to where she sat.
He braced his hands on the desk and leaned toward her. "Here's the thing. I'm scared. You didn't trust me three years ago when you found out about your MS. And now I understand why you felt that way. And I even think you did the right thing. But now...now I'm asking you for another chance." If possible, Lily's eyes widened even further. "I know what the future might hold for you. I understand the demands MS might—will—place on you and on our relationship. But none of it matters. All I want is a chance to show you that you can depend on me. That I will be there for you regardless of how things are in the years ahead. I just..."
Nate winced as his voice cracked. He swallowed hard and continued, "I just love you so much. Give me a chance to prove that to you the proper way this time around."
His heart clenched when he saw tears well up in Lily's eyes. Like him, she wasn't one given to crying, so the sight pulled the breath from his lungs. "I didn't mean to make you cry. If you don't feel the same way, I understand. I just want you to know that the MS doesn't make any difference in how I feel about you. With or without it, I would want to be with you...if you'll have me."
When she didn't reply, but just sat there staring at him, Nate straightened. He tried to push aside the dread he felt, bracing himself for what was to come. It was a risk he had to take, and there was no going back. He'd laid it all out there. Now it was up to her.
Slowly she stood and as she moved to walk around the desk, Nate wasn't sure if she was going to walk out on him or if he should meet her half way. But when he realized she wasn't heading for the door, he took two steps toward her then stopped. "Lily?"
"Oh, Nate." Lily threw herself at him, her arms going tightaround his shoulders.
