"Not me. Will did."
"And you're okay with that?"
"Surprisingly enough, yes. It was going to come out sooner or later."
Laurel, Cami and Violet walked into the room, stallingany further conversation.
"The guys agreed to keep an eye on the kids, so we're up here for some sister time before we leave," Violet said. They pulled chairs close to the bed and settled in. "So what's new?"
When Laurel and Violet left a little while later, Lily retreated to her own room without going back down the stairs. Though they once hadn't been a problem, too many times up and down them taxed the muscles of her legs and back.
Lily sat on the edge of her bed to judge her energy level. Did she have enough to take a shower tonight? It would be one less thing to have to do in the morning. One less spoon to use up the next day.
In the end, she decided to go ahead and use the last of her energy to take a shower since she had no idea what the next day would hold. When she lived in London, she controlled her day to day interactions and activities. Now that she was back at the manor, she could no longer plan out her days without regard for anyone else.
After the shower, Lily towel dried her hair but decided against blow drying it. If it was too wild in the morning, she'd just wear it up. Once in bed, propped up by pillows, she let out a long sigh before picking up her Bible and devotional book from the nightstand. She laid them on a pillow on her lap and opened the Bible to where a notecard marked where she'd left off the night before.
Though she'd always been told to have her devotions in the morning, Lily found she preferred the night. She read through the devotional passage for the day and the accompanying scripture. Afterward, she closed her eyes for a moment to try to clear the fogginess that still edged her mind. She looked down at the verse she'd printed on the notecard before leaving London. It was her verse for the week. She tried to memorize a verse each week, even when she struggled to remember things because of her brain fog.
The note card contained the verse she'd written downfrom Deuteronomy.And the Lord, He is the One who goes before you. He will be with you, He will not leave you nor forsake you; do not fear nor be dismayed.As she'd prepared to make her journey back to her family, it was a verse that she had held tightly to. She'd had no idea what to expect when she returned, but knowing that God was going before her and wouldn't leave or forsake her had given her peace.
Once her time of memorization was done, she set the books back on the nightstand and snapped off the light. She found that if she spent the last minutes before she fell asleep thanking God for her day and focusing on the positive things instead of all the things that might have gone wrong through the day, it helped her relax and sleep better.
~*~*~
Nate wished he'd been able to talk to Lily again once the meal was over, but she hadn't reappeared after going upstairs to spend time with Jessa. When her sisters had come back down, she hadn't been with them. He'd escaped to the library, not wanting to continue to intrude on their family time.
Sitting at the desk, he brought the laptop to life and spent a few minutes looking at what Lily had accomplished that day. Given what he now knew of her physical condition, he was very thankful she'd agreed to help him out. That she'd give up one of her spoons to do this work she knew he disliked so much touched him. He didn't know why she'd done it. And though he was trying not to attach too much significance to it, it still gave him some hope.
He shut down the accounting program and brought up a browser. After a moment's hesitation, he typed Multiple Sclerosis in the search engine. Nate recalled her saying what type she had, so he focused on what the pages said about that. He read about the symptoms and the challenges of life with MS. He read the pages and watched the videos that were available for the loved ones of the person diagnosed. He had a desperate need to understand what she was dealing with.
It was almost two hours before he sat back in the chair, heartsick. It hurt to think of what lay ahead for her. And it hurt that she hadn't felt she could lean on him when she'd first learned about her diagnosis. He would have been there for her. Had she doubted that? If anyone knew how to stick with someone who required care, it was him. He had seen his dad do it with his mom, and though it had been difficult at times, he knew his dad had never regretted it. Had Lily doubted his ability to do the same for her? And more than anything, he wondered how God could have allowed this to happen to her.
He reached out and clicked the mouse to shut down the browser. With a sigh, he stretched out his legs under the desk, lacing his fingers across his stomach. He wasn't convinced anymore that her ending their engagement had been because she didn't love him. Finding out about her diagnosis changed everything.
Unfortunately, while she may have loved him when she ended the engagement, there was no guarantee she still felt the same way. Almost three years had passed since that awful day. Had she gone on to have another relationship? Megan had said she hadn’t left him because of a guy, but that didn’t mean she hadn’t found someone after she’d left. The thought didn't sit well with him, but he knew it wasn't fair to feel that way since he had done that very thing with Crystal.
Nate drew in his legs and pushed up out of the chair. He closed the lid of the laptop and left the library. The manor was quiet as he made his way to the kitchen to get something to drink and then upstairs to his bedroom. He paced the room a bit, missing his own home more than ever. He'd set up a gym in his basement and right then, he would have loved to have been able to work off some of the frustration and anger inside him.
Instead, he took a shower and then lay down to watch a bit of television before going to sleep.
~*~*~
"I made several trips to Paris," Lily said as she pointed to the picture on the tablet Jessa held. "That was my second time."
"It's so beautiful." Jessa swiped the screen to the next picture. "I've never really wanted to journey too far from Collingsworth, but these pictures are making me think more about traveling. Of course, right now I'd be happy with being able to make a trip down the stairs."
"Your time will come soon enough." She reached out to touch Jessa's stomach, frowning when she felt it harden beneath her hand. "Is that a contraction?"
"Yes. Braxton Hicks. I'm having them fairly frequently now." Jessa sighed. "But thankfully they never develop into anything. Would like another couple weeks before the real deal."
As they continued through the pictures, Lily was glad that she'd decided to spend this time with Jessa instead of diving right into the work for Nate. She'd woken feeling a little sluggish and, after a trip downstairs to get something to eat, had decided to just lay low with Jessa for a bit.
"Maybe we could all go back there some day," Jessa said as they moved through a section of pictures Lily had taken in Scotland. "I know Violet for sure likes to travel."
"It would be fun to go as a group," Lily agreed. There had been several times she'd wished she could share the excitement of exploring new places with someone.
Jessa turned away from Lily, reaching out toward her nightstand. Suddenly she gasped, and the tablet slipped from her hands as she grabbed her stomach.
