Don't do it. Don't do it.
"I don't mind. It's kind of like riding a bike. Once I got working on it, it all came back to me."
"If you're sure, I'll go to the bank tomorrow to see if I can get statements from them. All the ones I had were in the house."
"You should be able to get them from the bank website."
Nate lifted an eyebrow. "Really? I'm not too up on this. In the past, I just kept the copies the bank sent me and worked from those."
"If you trust me with your username and password, I'll get the information that way."
He stared at her for a few seconds before responding. "Of course I trust you."
Her heart clenched, and she had to work to keep her gaze on his, hoping all the while it didn't reveal the tumult of emotion going on within her. "Once I'm finished with theinvoices, I will move on to that."
"I don't know how to thank you for all your help."
"No thanks necessary. It's the least I can do."
"What's themostyou can do?" Nate asked.
This time she did look away from him. She twisted her hands together in her lap. As he sat there, the slight scent of motor oil clinging to him, Lily realized that she wanted nothing more than to be back in his arms. To feel his lips pressed to hers as his fingers tangled in her hair. To hear the strong, steady beat of his heart beneath her ear as he held her close. In all the upheaval of her life with Gran and then feeling a little set adrift once her older siblings began to find their own directions in life, Nate had been her rock.
If she didn't think that he deserved better than the life that lay ahead of her, she would ask him to give her a second chance. But he did deserve better.
"I'm happy to help out with the bookkeeping side of the business. To get you all caught up."
When he didn't respond right away, she looked at him and found him watching her intently. At one time, she would have been able to easily read his expression. But everything about him seemed closed off to her now. She told herself it was for the best, and yet that did nothing to ease the tight band around her heart.
He stood up and pulled his phone from his belt. After tapping the screen a few times, he handed it to her. "Here is the username and password for the bank site."
Lily took the phone from him, their fingers brushing. She picked up a pen and scribbled the information on the pad of paper she'd been using to make notes. As she handed the phone back to him, Lily wondered what his background photo was on his phone now. At one time, it had been a picture of the two of them.
She gave herself a mental shake. This was not a good path to be going down. Decisions already made needed to beupheld. She couldn't go changing things now when she knew that it wasn't right.
"I'll get the bank statements once I'm done with the invoicing." She rested her hand on the mouse and stared at the laptop screen.
"No rush. It's been sitting around this long. A few days won't make much difference."
Lily nodded. "I'll keep that in mind."
He put his phone away and said, "I'm going to go take a shower and get this garage smell off me before dinner."
Lily watched him walk away, remembering times when he would swing by to pick her up after he finished work. He’d be tired and dirty, but she was eager to spend time with him so she’d go with him to his house. There were times she would offer to give him a massage before he would shower. Many times. She knew now they had created an intimacy that had been more than it should have been between them. Part of their excuse had been that they were going to get married anyway. But she was proof now that engagements don't always end in marriage. To assume that as an excuse for taking intimacies had been wrong. They’d never taken that final step, but they’d gone much further than they should have, and now that led to memories which made things even more difficult.
There had been times over that first year when she'd wondered if the MS had been punishment for allowing things to go as far as they had with Nate. She'd known better. So had he. But after being together for so long, it had felt like the next logical step. Because, of course, before the diagnosis, marriage had been the destination.
As she turned her attention back to the invoices, Lily realized she'd made a big mistake in assuming that being around Nate would help them be just friends. Feelings she thought were gone had, in fact, just been dormant. Close proximity to Nate once again was bringing them all to the surface and there was nothing she could do about it. But shewas still determined to help him out where she could because, as she’d told him, it was the least she could do.
~*~*~
Head bent, Nate let the hot water beat down on his neck. Though it had left him sore, he was glad that he'd had a chance to do some work in the garage. It really was his true love when it came to the business. He'd learned about cars from the time he was old enough to safely be around when his dad worked on them. The administration and paperwork drove him nuts, but let him under the hood of any type of car, and he was a happy camper.
He hadn't been able to do much hands-on work since his dad’s death. He'd been forced to shift his attention once his dad wasn't there to handle the business side of things. The weight of that responsibility had been heavy and stressful. It just compounded the loss he felt with both Lily and his dad gone.
Though he wished Lily were more receptive to reconsidering their relationship, Nate was grateful that at least she was willing to help him with the bookkeeping for now. Given what he’d heard Cami and Amy discussing earlier, he was pretty sure she hadn't been completely honest about why she'd ended things with him. Sure, she'd gone on to do her traveling, but he'd always wondered if there had been more to it. As far as he knew, her leaving hadn’t been about another guy. He'd asked Megan about that one day when he'd allowed his heartbreak to override his common sense. She'd assured him there wasn't anyone else. The fact that Lily was back and alone seemed to support what Megan had told him.
Nate stepped from the shower and quickly dried off before pulling on fresh clothes that didn't reek of oil and sweat. His stomach rumbled as he debated shaving, but he left the bathroom without even picking up the razor. He was tired and couldn’t care less what people thought about his several days’ old stubble. Of course, he had to admit that knowing Lily had always liked him with a little stubblehelped make the decision easier.
