Again she shook her head. "That's not fair to you or to me." She reached up and touched the outside edge of her eye, almost as if it were paining her. "This really is what is best for both of us."
It hurt to think that this felt right to her, because it certainly didn't feel that way to him. He’d always assumed she’d be there for him forever. He’d just taken that for granted. He'd hoped that they would have a relationship similar to the one his parents had. Before his mom had gotten sick.
After that, his parents' relationship had changed. Though his dad had done his best to care for her, his mom had struggled with the burden she'd placed on her husband and son. That meant there had been days when she was angry. The next day she'd be depressed. The only good day was the one where she felt she was able to do things on her own. But she'd always paid for it the day after, which would then lead to more angry and depressed days.
But even with that, Nate had been willing to pledge to be with Lily forever. He just couldn't imagine his future without her in it.
Lily slid the ring off her finger and held it out to him. "I'm sorry."
She really did seem to be sorry. Her beautiful green eyes were liquid with unshed tears. If it hurt her this much, too, how could it be the right thing?
He didn't want the ring. Refused to take it. A tear spilled down her cheek as she took a step toward him. She placed her hand on the side of his face and leaned forward to touch her lips to his briefly. He wanted to grab her and hold on. To keep her lips pressed to his. He was going to have to go the rest of his life without ever feeling her in his arms again. Without ever looking into her eyes to see them sparkling with love for him.
She took his hand, turned it palm up and placed the ring there. Using both her hands, she closed his fingers around the ring and held on for just a second before letting go and stepping back. "Take care of yourself, Nate."
Pain shredding his heart, Nate watched as she walked away from him.Don't go!he wanted to shout after her, but he knew there was no use. When Lily made up her mind, there was no changing it. Except for him. At one time, he'd thought she'd decided to be with him. Something had changed her mind. And as he watched her determinedly walk out of his life, Nate knew he had better not hold his breath that she'd change her mind once more.
Angry with himself for allowing his mind to take that trip down memory lane, Nate swung the truck to a stop in his parking spot next to the garage. He sat behind the wheel for a few minutes trying to regain his composure. His gaze drifted to the blackened structure next to the garage that had once been his home. Right now, his heart felt a bit like it had been wrecked in the same way.
But he refused to focus on that right now either. His past with Lily had to be off limits. There was too much that needed his attention in the present to allow things from the past to keep taking up his time and emotions. And there was no sense in beating on a door that led nowhere. He should have accepted that years ago, but instead he'd allowedhimself to harbor hope in his heart that one day Lily would come back.
Well, she had returned. Just not to him.
CHAPTER SEVEN
"Ready for a break?"
Lily looked up to see Cami standing on the other side of the desk. She slid her glasses off, fighting the urge to rub her eyes. "What time is it?"
"Almost three. You've been at it for about an hour and a half. I would think a break would do you good."
Lily nodded. "It would. I had planned to take regular breaks, but I guess I kind of got caught up in this."
"C'mon," Cami said with a wave of her hand. "Let's go outside for a bit. It's not too hot today."
"Been doing a little research?" Lily asked as she stood up. She pressed her hands against the small of her back and stretched.
"You bet. The only way to be able to help you is to understand what you're dealing with."
Lily rounded the desk and joined Cami as they left the library. "Seems awful quiet. Where are the kids?"
"Josh and Amy took them all off to a park somewhereonce they were done with lunch. I think Laurel and Violet went, too."
"You didn't want to go?"
"Not really. I'm never one to turn down a little peace and quiet.” Cami smiled. “Plus, we thought someone should be here for you and Jessa."
Lily sighed. "I'm not an invalid. Yet, anyway. I can take care of myself."
"I know, but we're still getting used to that. You're going to have to cut us a little slack."
"I'll try. I know I have a couple years’ head start on dealing with this. And even that doesn't seem to matter sometimes. Just when you think you've got it figured out, something new pops up. The number one thing I've learned from my own research and living with MS myself is that it's not the same for everyone. My journey with MS will be completely different from someone else's. It's unpredictable, which makes it that much more challenging." Lily lifted her face to the breeze as they stepped out onto the porch. She had missed this while living in London. The silence was broken only by the rustle of the leaves and other sounds of nature.
She followed Cami down the steps to the lawn chairs. With a contented sigh, she sank down onto one of the chaise lounges and stretched her legs out.
"What I read also said stress aggravates things for you." Cami settled down on the chair beside her. "Is being around Nate a stress for you? Will it make things harder?"
"I didn't think it would, but now I'm not so sure. Being away from here meant being away from reminders. Memories are much harder to fight when the trigger is right in front of you."
